I haven't read all the replies, only some. While I know child free weddings are common, heck I had one myself, I think an exception should he made to nieces and nephews, it doesn't have to extend to all guests' children.
For your SIL to just assume your friend with 3 children already will just look after them (???wtf???) is ridiculous!
Sorry I have no advice, but wanted to say I understand and agree with your feelings on the situation.
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13-07-2014 19:01 #51
13-07-2014 19:02 #52
A couple of things (as I haven't read the entire thread)
- an invitation is not a summons. If it doesn't suit you to attend, because of the distance, cost, or having to get a sitter, or any other reason, then you do not have to go. RSVP by the date, send your best wishes and a gift - but only send a gift if you feel like it
- adults only weddings are becoming more common - really what hosts choose to do is completely up to them
- I do think it's a bit rude inviting the whole family to the engagement party and then excluding part of the famiy for the wedding. To me, etiquette says the engagement party is part of the wedding events and therefore you should invite people to the engagement who you plan on inviting to the wedding. The exception to this being when the engagement is so far out from the wedding that the couple hasn't had a chance to plan the wedding (or the guest list yet)
- you didn't mention who the 8 year olds are that are invited? Is it all 8 year olds or one specific 8 year old? But either way, hosts choose who they invite to their wedding. That might be some children and not others.
Be careful Op about assigning blame on the bride. Even if she is the instigator, these feelings won't be welcomed by your brother and if you want a relationship with him, that means maintaining a relationship with the bride. And actually you don't really know what happens behind closed doors. What they discuss in the privacy of their own homes is really between them.
Clearly there is more to these feelings between you and the bride given that only a few short months ago, she was your own bridesmaid and you said they are both godparents to your children. I could be barking up the wrong tree, but if you and her have had a falling out, be careful not to join that event together with this one.
And finally, before making an snap decisions about your relationship being irreparably damaged, remember life is a long time. Is this worth it?
And... if your children are not invited, I doubt it would be welcomed that you bring them to the ceremony.
Last edited by TheGooch; 13-07-2014 at 19:13.
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13-07-2014 19:02 #53
13-07-2014 19:03 #54
Personally I couldn't imagine my wedding without my nieces and nephews I have 10 and the 5 younger ones were all included in the wedding party they are a huge part of our lives I wanted them all to celebrate with us. On my invite I put if you would like to bring your children please let us know so we can accommodate them and apart from a newborn and my nieces and nephews no one brought their kids. So I can understand were you are coming from and would be hurt and sad as well but I would probably just do as they asked it's there day in the end.
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13-07-2014 19:04 #55
13-07-2014 19:13 #56
His priorities regarding family is clear by his actions towards his own. I'm over pretending like everything is fine. If they're going to continue treating his family like this then they have to deal with the consequences.
And to the person who said I should send an apology text ASAP...yeah right, not happening. I am the one who deserves the apology.
13-07-2014 19:22 #57
Whether or not posters can imagine their wedding with/without children is irrelevant, this couple have decided against having children attend THEIR wedding which is their prerogative. Perhaps they don't feel comfortable allowing some young children (family or not), and excluding others. Either way, cutting all contact seems rather dramatic. I'd contact babysitting/nannying services in the area or asking on a local facebook mother's page for recommendations for a reliable sitter. As for having children at the engagement party yet not at the wedding, I don't see an issue.. in fact I think its' nice that children were invited/included in some of the festivities.
13-07-2014 19:23 #58
I don't get child-free weddings, especially nieces and nephews. It's a wonderful opportunity for the extended family to get together and partake in cultural festivities. I got married 3.5 weeks ago - I would have loved to have had nieces and nephews at my wedding but unfortunately I don't have any.
It may well be an occassion for the bride and groom but there are limits. I find it sad that nieces and nephews would be excluded. If my siblings or siblings in law had a wedding that required travel and was child free then we wouldn't go, or only one of us would go.
I don't get a lot of modern wedding practices. DH and I had a destination wedding (2 hour drive) but we paid for everything including overnight accommodation for all of our guests.
ETA: There's nothing on earth that would make me leave a young child with a stranger in a strange place. Not going to happen. Call me a helicopter parent or whatever but I want to know a person before I hand over the care of my child to them.
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13-07-2014 19:29 #59
A wedding is about the bride and groom and it is THEIR day.
My wedding was child free except for my son but my nieces and nephews were invited also, no others.
I can understand your frustration OP as the wedding is your brother's and I would take exception to their choice based on that.
I hope you can speak with him and make peace.
13-07-2014 19:37 #60
OP, I can totally see why you are hurt, especially considering you were previously told your children would be included.
Yes, it's their day and they can do as they please - doesn't mean people don't have a right to to feel inconvenienced by their child free policy.
Take some time to cool down and process what has happened, then you can decide what to do when you are less enraged.
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