I personally don't get not inviting immediate family members who happen to be children to weddings. I would think your nieces and nephews are pretty important relatives.
It also irrits me when people have weddings that people have to travel to and then exclude kids, what are you supposed to do with the kids? Leave them unsupervised in a hotel?
Anyway, their wedding their choice blah blah. But I would be dirty too.
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13-07-2014 17:54 #11
13-07-2014 17:55 #12
I'm going to admit I'm not a fan of child free weddings, particularly those like your brothers where they are way out distance wise and you have no one to watch your kids when they are small. I find they are often childless couples who tend to be quite demanding through the whole wedding ordeal bleating "It's myyyy day" and not caring how much they are putting everyone out, then sook when families declining the invite.
Having said that I personally wouldn't end a relationship with my brother over a child free wedding. While I find it high maintenance, it is also their choice. I would probably explain to your brother that you can't find find someone to watch the kids, therefore can't go and give your best wishes.
13-07-2014 17:59 #13
Yeah look, it sucks but child free weddings are common, regardless of whether you're a friend or a family member, child free is still common.
As for 8 year olds being included, I understand that. My just about to turn 8yo DD would happily sit still, be quiet (rather than moving around, being loud or possibly chucking a wobbly). My 6.5yo, 4yo and 2yo are just not really capable of doing that. They get more easily bored and distracted. They are still prone to being more impulsive and are not great at sitting still or being quiet for long periods.
Honestly, it sucks, but I think you're overreacting
13-07-2014 17:59 #14
I actually think a wedding is the one day you should stand aside and let the couple chose however they want to have it and RESPECT their decision. Ultimately the day is about the bride and groom and no one else should really come into it.
I eloped so it wasn't really an issue for me ....but if I was to have my own wedding over again, other than babies still being bf, I wouldn't want small children at my wedding either.... I wouldn't be offended if someone couldn't attend just as I'd expect them to not be offended that I chose a child free wedding...
Last edited by RipperRita; 13-07-2014 at 18:21.
13-07-2014 18:00 #15
I think that deciding to never speak to your brother or his wife ever again is a bit of an over reaction.
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13-07-2014 18:03 #16
We got a lot of negative reactions from extended family (none of our siblings had kids at the time, the grief came from aunts/uncles/cousins) which I thought was incredibly selfish and rude. We have always respected their wishes for their weddings and have had to travel for all of them. If it didn't suit us, we didn't attend. I have been invited to child-free weddings since having DD and it doesn't bother me at all. I completely understand that having kids at a wedding changes the dynamic and may not suit the day the couple want to have. Weddings happen with plenty of notice so there's time to work it out.
I do think it's weird that they're having 8yo kids though, that makes it difficult to justify not inviting their nieces/nephews.
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13-07-2014 18:05 #17
I can empathize with your feelings but I think you're blowing it up a bit. 8 year olds are old enough to sit and be quiet and be generally well behaved so I can understand why they are allowing older children.
I think getting to organize a wedding is a really special thing and you only get one day. Just because it's not the way you'd do it, doesn't mean it's wrong.
It's not 'evil' or 'manipulating' or 'relationship destroying' to request no children at her wedding. I also think that it's harsh of your mother to be trying to guilt her about baby sitting when there are like 1000 baby sitters out there.
If I decided to have a child free wedding and my MIL told me that it was rude because my SIL can't find a baby sitter I would find that rude.
I really hope that this doesn't ruin your relationship with your brother OP. Family is an important thing and if you've told him your feelings and he's firm then I would pray you don't let this ruin your relationship.
I'd hire a baby sitter, celebrate my brothers wedding, drink, eat, laugh and dance and not let this ruin his and his df's day.
13-07-2014 18:10 #18
I dont see the problem with a child free wedding. its there wedding their choice.
Im actually invited to one this year and have to take my inlaws along with us to look after the kids. Yes it will cost more but I want some tome without kids and to enjoy dh and friends.
Perhaps your dh will have to stay with your kids and you jusy go to the wedding of ypu cant find a babysitter
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13-07-2014 18:11 #19
OP, I too would be p!ssed, but unfortunately their wedding, their rules. I do find it quite rude that their wedding is in a place where you have to travel to yet can't take your kids, that it's your brother and you can't take your kids etc. I have moments where I can be a bit passive aggressive when I'm angry, so I would probably say that I'm not coming to the wedding and see if they change their tune. The trouble with that is that you then have to either follow through or suck it up and stick to their wishes.
Me personally - I couldn't have imagined a wedding without kids. I'm really close to my 3 young cousins and included them all in my wedding in one way or another. I had my flower girl and my page boy in the 5yo and 8yo and then the eldest, 10yo said Grace at the reception because he really wanted to be a part of our day (he couldn't care less about anyone else's wedding haha). I sometimes think it would've been easier and nicer to have a destination wedding/elope, but I could never have done it without having the kids there because they're such a big part of my life... And they're cousins who live interstate... Not nieces/nephews...
13-07-2014 18:12 #20
I had a 'child free' wedding... In the sense that the only children invited were DH's niece and nephew and my nieces and nephews. Most of our guests had children but they were not invited because we didn't want kids running everywhere too.
In total we had 7 children At our wedding.
So I can see the point of not having children.... But not the idea that the immediate nieces and nephews aren't invited. . Especially in this case where you had the bride as a bridesmaid and they are godparents to your kids. I can understand why you would be hurt. I would be too. Seems strange to behave like that. Plus inviting other children but not yours??
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