A child free night out would be lovely but completely impossible when there's no one available to look after the kids. And what kind of a person just assumes my "friend with all the kids" will mind my 3. Completely self absorbed.
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13-07-2014 21:18 #91
13-07-2014 21:33 #92
After this 1 day we have to go back to normal and pretend nothing ever happened.
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13-07-2014 21:39 #93
Ugh! Not sure what else you can do except hope for an apology/back down on their part. Why do weddings (and Christmas!) bring out the worst in people though!?
13-07-2014 22:30 #94Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2013
I haven't read all the replies, but sounds like you have far bigger issues with your SIL than a child free wedding.
Honestly, I think you are over reacting. The fact that you call her manipulating and controlling hint that this isn't the first issue you've had with her.
We recently went to a wedding that had clearly specified no kids and someone bought their kid anyway... It cried right as the couple was saying I do. The bride was absolutely horrified. It was exactly what she DIDN'T want happening.
I don't like the attitude by some parents that just because you have kids, that people should cater to that. I don't think it is a personal attack to say no kids, it's a conscious decision by the bride and groom to celebrate THEIR special day the way THEY want to.
13-07-2014 22:52 #95
I agree, even the few weddings that I have been invited to that are child friendly we don't take our children. However most weddings are child free these days. I am getting married next year and will only be having my girls(who will be 4 and nearly 2) and DF's 2 nephews as part of the bridal party. My sister has a baby who will be 1 when the wedding is on, and my SIL has 2 children. Neither sets of kids will be invited( unless DF changes his mind!). I want to enjoy my night with adult friends and family and not have to worry if the noise is too loud, or the speeches inappropriate. I am also considering only having my own children at the ceremony or leaving the reception by a certain time.
If you are really so upset with the whole situation don't abuse your brother as it will just make it worse. Let things cool down and then try and talk to him and come to an agreement. If you talk then once he knows where you are coming from they may make an allowance, but tbh if they don't you really need to just deal with it. Your brother is getting married, go and share in the joy of that day and stop being so focused on what YOU want. If you can't do that don't go to the wedding and move on
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13-07-2014 23:07 #96
A child free wedding isn't something that I would do, personally. But, I wouldn't be offended in the slightest if I was invited to a wedding that specified "no children" as I understand that not all people share my view and think kids attending is appropriate.
But I DO see how your particular situation differs as the bride has blatantly invited a child from her side but no others in the family are welcome.. that's asking for trouble, IMO.. That's unfair. Your brother should insist on having your children attend if she gets to pick and choose, he should, too.
So while I understand and generally accept the "no kids" thing, at the same time you can't make exceptions and expect people not to feel offended that their children aren't good enough to attend.
It's all or nothing in my book, either invite all of the kids in the family or none at all.
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14-07-2014 00:01 #97
OP it sounds like there's a lot more to it than just the wedding and you clearly don't want to hear anyone saying that your response was unreasonable. None of us know you or your family situation so can only comment on what info you gave us.
I hope you are happy with whatever ends up happening and ultimately find a peaceful relationship with your brother.
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14-07-2014 05:35 #98
I agree, this isn't about the wedding, this seems more like a last straw situation with your SIL.
I don't understand why you are attaching so much blame to her. Your brother is a grown man! He needs to man up and tell his fiancé "no, I want to invite my nieces". If he's not doing that, I can only assume he doesn't care enough, which while disappointing, is not his bride's fault.
14-07-2014 06:25 #99
From your OP alone; i would say its a tad overreaction to completely cut him off. Personally its not something i would be offended over but i would decline the invite if logistics werent practical or within my comfort zone ie babysitter.
HOWEVER, from your following posts we can see there is alot more to it. It seems youve tried time and time again to welcome this girl into your family and its all been thrown back in your face. Which explains the anger and offence taken.
I wouldnt cut off my brother but i would cut off his partner. Now if that means he walks away from you at least you know you made the effort to keep him around.
If all goes south with them he'll come crawling back knowing his sister still loves and supports him. Id give him a big fat i told you so but at least the door is open to mend your relationship.
He needs to learn from his own mistakes before he can be "punished" for them. Base your decision on all possible outcomes in the future not on how you feel now or next week.
In the end its your decision as its your family and your experiences. But you do need to ask yourself if something happened to him tomorrow (god forbid) would you be able to forgive yourself?
💜 DD1 aka Peanut 💜 Due 28.10.14
14-07-2014 06:30 #100
We also allowed babies.
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