My brother is getting married in September and today i found out that my children are not invited to the wedding. They are having a child free wedding, although 8 year olds are invited.
A bit of background info:
-The bride was my bridesmaid in Feb this year.
-They are not having a bridal party as the bride just wants the day to be about them, despite having heard my brother express on numerous occasions that he wanted 2 groomsman- guys he had known since the age of 10.
-They are godparents to 2 of my children.
-We were all invited to the engagement party.
The news came as a huge shock and I was gutted to say the least. It was my mum who told me. When she was told she let them know how upset I would be etc etc etc. I tried calling him after I found out but he didn't answer so I had to settle with sending each of them a text message, to which I got no response. Nothing.
The wedding is in the middle of nowhere and all of my family are invited. When my mum asked her who did she think I was going to get to look after the girls her response was "her friend with all the kids". My friend has 3 children of her own and I would never offload my children onto somebody else. Not to mention the fact that my dd3 is extremely clingy which they are all to well aware of.
The bride is controlling and manipulative but my brother is just as bad for going along with her wants. I have told him that our relationship will be irreparable from now. I will never have anything to do with either of them again.
I just really want these feelings of hurt and anger to go away.
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13-07-2014 17:26 #1
Child free wedding - What a cop out!
13-07-2014 17:38 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
I sympathize with you. But child free weddings are fairly common. Could you take your kids to the ceremony maybe and then one of you skip the reception to mind them? I don't have any other suggestions sorry. I hope you are able to resolve this with your brother though it must be hard
13-07-2014 17:39 #3
I have to admit our wedding was a child free wedding (apart from our dds who were our flower girls and even then they left immediately after the ceremony).
I can see both sides, having been a guest at a child free wedding and also as someone who has had one. I do believe your brother should have spoken to you about it and neither of them should ignore you, I dont think they handle it well. BUT it is their day and they can make whatever choice they want.
Hope you are able to talk to them soon and sort out a result that you are all happy with.
He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
Embrace the chaos
13-07-2014 17:41 #4
I'm sorry you're upset by this. I have been to many child free weddings too. I have also been to several with lots of screaming, running around children. I guess it's their day so they get to decide.
13-07-2014 17:41 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
I understand you're hurt by your children not being invited... but where does the line get drawn? Children at weddings can add a huge expense, they can get underfoot of the wait staff, and can be quite bored and therefore noisy.
We did have kids at our wedding, ONLY because most people invited did not yet have children, so there were only 4 in total.
I have been to lots of weddings where no children are invited, I have been to a few weddings where it definitely was not appropriate to have children there.
A solution may be to get a double hotel room at the location, and have a babysitter stay with the children. That way they can attend the ceremony but are settled for bed at the hotel during the reception.
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13-07-2014 17:42 #6
You probably aren't going to like my response.
I think you are over reacting. Many people choose not to have little children at weddings. Its their wedding their choice.
Could you take the children to the ceremony then hire a baby sitter or take turns with your partner to watch the children at your hotel?
Without knowing your entire relationship with your brother it sounds as though you are the one causing damage to the relationship by blowing this up and making it about you and not what they want.
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13-07-2014 17:43 #7
I don't blame couples that want to have child free weddings.. I'm not sure why 8 year olds are invited though if it is child free? That seems a bit odd.
"Insert witty signature here"
13-07-2014 17:45 #8
Weddings are tricky, it is a day where the couple gets to choose the rules and everyone else has to suck it up because it's their wedding. That doesn't mean it's fair on your family though, it's definitely understandable that you're feeling hurt and angry right now.
I hope you can work it out with them, it seems a shame to lose the relationship entirely because of this.
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13-07-2014 17:45 #9
I was invited to a wedding with no kids welcome at the ceremony. My ds1 was 17 months. As it was an hour away from my mum and I was living in another country I thought it was just rude.
These are his good parents and my best friends and I was a brides maid.
I was so ****ed off.
My brother also did this but didn't let anyone come to the ceremony.
Even though I had come from another country I was only welcome at the reception.
I feel your anger and I think it's a hard thing to deal with.
But I will say that it is their day. It has to be a decision they will/can live with. You cant force them to change their minds.
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13-07-2014 17:49 #10Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2009
I'm with you.
It's your brothers wedding.
His nieces/nephews should be there.
You're not just random friends, you are close family.
ETA: an they are the godparents! Yeah, no... Very disrespectful.
Last edited by misho; 13-07-2014 at 17:54.
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