I have a 5 yr old that I am fairly confident will still be in my bed at 7. He is a fairly anxious kid, but especially anxious at night times. Dh was the same as a child, he experienced his first anxiety attack as a child when no one would go to him and it was the start of a decade of serious sleeping issues. Dh and I are in complete agreement that ds will be with us as long as he pleases.
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12-07-2014 00:33 #11
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12-07-2014 08:37 #12
Thank you for all the replies. I don't know how to tag people! Anyway the reason I am wanting ds aged 7 out of my bed is because we are going through the final part of family law court, my son's child psych thinks it's a bad thing that my son sleeps with me, the ICL puts a lot of weight on the child psychs opinion and as I have been battered already about attachment parenting by my ex-dh's barrister I think it's better to play this game in order to win the war (so to speak). I as a mum have no problem with my son being in my bed nor my dd but in the eyes of the court co sleeping could be seen as me not allowing my child to become independent (seeing as he can sleep on his own elsewhere).
12-07-2014 08:47 #13
12-07-2014 09:27 #14
12-07-2014 09:56 #15
Now you've given a lot more context to your OP, I can understand a lot more why you want to help your son make this change. I just wanted to pop in and say I don't know why, but I was extremely anxious at night until I was about 10. I would not sleep on my own. I would wake mum up all the time because I heard noises. She tried everything but the one thing she couldn't fix was my anxiety. Her reassurance meant nothing to me. I can't even remember how many times I would get up in the middle of the night, move chairs against doorways and sit up watching some borderline porny movie on SBS.
I'm not sure what led to my anxiety in the first place, as I never had an incident that triggered it all, but I distinctly remember saying to mum that I'd feel better if there was a man in the house :-) I know how that sounds, but as a child, I truly believed if there was a male there then he would protect me and my mum. Maybe this is why your son can sleep at his dad's?
What would happen if you were away for a night and a male figure ie uncle, grandpa stayed at your house? Do you think he would still display this behaviour? It would be interesting to see.
Is there a way you could 'indulge' him a little and get a home security system, or put locks on the windows, or check the smoke detector more often or whatever it is so he can see you do something to fortify? Could he help you lock up at night? Would he feel better if he had a lock on his door? You could get one that you could unlock from the outside if needed. Could you and he do some self-defence classes together so he feels like you can both protect each other and your toddler?
I'm not sure if these things will help you or make him feel better - just trying to think of ways he can feel a little control of the situation, because until he feels safe I don't think he will stay in his bed.
12-07-2014 09:57 #16
12-07-2014 10:07 #17
13-07-2014 22:27 #18
Ohh OP - apologies for saying what's the big deal, i totally get where you're coming from now. Some great advice has been offered. I really hope his father isn't putting the ideas in his head - that would be just horrible and so unfair. Do you think he'd do something like that deliberately?
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