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11-07-2014 22:46 #71
12-07-2014 06:35 #72
I'm not sure how anyone could think that someone at playgroup who barely knows you says "He looks a bit slow. What's wrong wiv 'im?" is NOT a deadbeat.
12-07-2014 06:46 #73
If someone insulted my son like that I'd probably call them worse than a deadbeat. It hurts when people say unkind things about your children especially when its in reference to special needs.
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12-07-2014 06:50 #74
I agree ^^
I would want to call them names too. Ive had randoms say things to me about my DD... most recently 'what's wrong with her legs?' (She wears tiny leg braces)
There are way be ways to ask questions in a more tactful manner.
Plus I think the OP probably took some poetic license too for reader interest.
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12-07-2014 08:15 #75
Try being a SAHWM (stay at home wanna be mum)...that's even worse. Leaving a great job because you feel so down you can't have kids and giving fertility treatment 100%. Not sure if that makes you feel better but now I am a SAHM mum and look forward putting my LO in daycare for her own benefit and getting back into the workforce (p/t)...nothing wrong with that. Think it depends if your work is just a job or if it's a career which you have worked hard to get.
Last edited by Rachael3; 12-07-2014 at 08:24.
12-07-2014 08:20 #76
I love being a stay at home mum but I have to work at least one day a week to pick up some of our living costs as DH is already working 11hr days. I do feel bad for him that I don't work any more than that 1 day.
But I don't think being a SAHM sucks at all.
I would much rather put my child in daycare for 1 day and have some me time at home or out doing something than going to work.
I'm home 6 days a week and even though there are tough times with kids fighting or messes I would still much rather this life, than going to work. (I sound like a real bludger don't it? 😄)
I wish I could be a full time stay at home mum. Honestly my kids are the highlight of my life & my greatest life achievement so being home with them is really enjoyable for me 😊
Not trying to be mean or anything, just putting it out there that not everyone feels that it sucks and some people wish they could be lucky enough to stay at home all week.
12-07-2014 08:20 #77Senior Member
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12-07-2014 09:17 #78
It doesn't apply to everyone though. To be told that you should be grateful when all you feel is resentment really does suck. (Not saying you have said this, I'm just saying this is an underlying attitude towards a mum staying at home to care for children). Especially when it seems like such a taboo to dare say that you don't contentedly revel in the joy of being with your kids day in day out. So you can't voice your unhappiness for fear if being told to stop being selfish and ungrateful - which builds up to create an outpouring like the OP.
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12-07-2014 09:54 #79
Maybe I read the Op's post the wrong way but I never thought for a second she was suggesting being a SAHM sucked for everyone, just for her. It's a post about her life and her experience and I didn't think it was anyway intended to make a blanket statement about all SAHMs.
What you wrote Op contained some of my biggest fears. I'm in the process of handing over my job (a job I've worked my a.s.s off for and truly care about and believe in) to someone else so I can begin maternity leave in 7 weeks time. I'm petrified of doing it. What if they screw it up? Or worse, what if they do it better? What if I hate being a SAHM and want to go back early? Or what if I never want to go back? Which isn't possible, i'm the bread winner in our family and pay for everything.
I'm scared i won't be an interesting person anymore. I'm scared i'll be hopeless being a SAHM and my life won't reflect any movie or tv show i've seen with a mum at home with their bub. I'm scared I'll screw my child up because of my fears.
I'm worried about losing social connectedness because none of my friends (or my sister) have kids.
I'm worried about what will happen to my relationship with DP. If I have nothing but our child to talk about.
And most of all, i'm scared that all of my fears might actually be true. Because if they are, there's actually stuff all I can do about some of them!
So Op, thanks for having the guts and the humour to put it all out there, warts and all! And like others have said, you've got some writing talent!
And for those being a SAHM doesn't suck for - that's lovely, and I hope to feel like you do instead of what i'm afraid of.
12-07-2014 10:17 #80
Being a SAHM did suck for me. I wasn't good at it. I'm domestically stunted. I was socially disconnected. I was in an intellectual wasteland. I couldn't wait to go back to work part time, which I did at the start of the year. Which makes me a PTWPTSAHSM (part time working part time stay at home single mum), and I don't like that either! I don't have the time to devote to my teaching that I used to. I have days where I barely see my son between childcare and working and I feel guilt around that. I have even less time and inclination to clean. I am working three days but still struggle to pay the bills.
Does this mean that being a parent sucks? Definitely not. But it does tell me I haven't yet hit the sweet spot and figured out how to balance everything in my life so I feel ahead of the game for once, and a fulfilled, well-rounded human and mother.
I took the OP as a long overdue vent about her own feelings and circumstances and I think it's important and valuable that we have places like the hub to do that.
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