Definitely not. As PP's have said - if I thought I needed to hire a PI to check someone out, I wouldn't continue the relationship.
I think it's more about taking things a bit slower - getting to know someone well before moving in with them, letting them be alone with your kids, having kids with them etc. I'm not naive, I know some horrible people who have led double lives....some made more of a mess because they decided to have a child together 2 months after they started dating! You do not know a person that early, and the lust hormones are still firing on all cylinders.
And "checking into someone" can sometimes be a bit like snooping their phone - you find a one sided story and then can't ask them about it, because you're in the wrong for snooping.
If I ever found out someone hired a PI to follow me, or "researched" me before they decided to date me, I'd throw them out on their ear quicker than they could say boo. I would find that akin to cheating on me. Dishonesty is not something I will tolerate. It would make me think the type of person they are is someone who will not communicate honestly with me and will turn to snooping as a first way of getting information.
Also - my past is very different to my present and my future. No, I haven't murdered anyone and I'm not a criminal - but there are things that if my now DH had found out through "snooping" instead of me telling him the story, he may not have wanted to give me a chance either.
For the people who say they would do it - how would you feel about it being done to you? (legitimate question, not having a go).
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07-07-2014 12:02 #61
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07-07-2014 12:05 #62
07-07-2014 12:12 #63
OP I would only get someones background checked if i felt there was reason to - like if i had concerns or suspicions. But on the other hand if i had any of those feelings, i just wouldn't date them.
My gut instinct is pretty strong... it's led me well in life, so i know i can be confident to trust in that.
07-07-2014 13:05 #64Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2014
You can do a local search to see if there are any s.ex offenders in your area.
Also, you can put in a request to find out whether someone who is going to have unsupervised contact with your children is a reportable offender.
Last edited by sky1; 07-07-2014 at 13:16.
07-07-2014 14:20 #65
All hypothetical, as I'm 100% married. But having a failed marriage previous I definitely did a lot of quizzing anyone and everyone before getting serious with DH.
07-07-2014 14:57 #66
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07-07-2014 15:17 #67
07-07-2014 16:50 #68
The kids dad admitted to running a check on me in the early stages of our friendship, I freaked but kinda understood.. (Until now)
But I've lived with a few people. Spent every day with them, and they still surprise me!
If I was asked id admit it, even if I wasn't asked I'd tell them, I can't lie, I can't hide things.
If they knew me they would understand why I did it, of they didn't it's their loss.
07-07-2014 18:42 #69
07-07-2014 18:52 #70
But it can be. Which is why I'd have grave concerns about the future behaviour of someone who secretly ran background checks on me.. If I found that out I'd never trust them again.
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