I'm not sure. I'm definitely way more wary now I'm a mother. I think I would ask a lot of questions under the guise of 'getting to know you', and if anything didn't add up I like to think I'd say so, and walk away. But people get conned all the time. And I don't think it's because some people are stupid, like some have implied here. It's because con artists and shonky people and sociopaths are very, very good at it. So, on that, I wouldn't judge others for doing it, I just don't think it's necessarily the best foundation for a relationship. I can see how it would be a risk that people are willing to take though.
+ Reply to Thread
Results 41 to 50 of 80
06-07-2014 22:10 #41
06-07-2014 22:16 #42
For those that would consider hiring a PI to investigate your partner/future partner, would you tell them you were doing so? would you do it before or after the fact? Would that depend on whether anything come to light?
No judgment, just interested.
06-07-2014 22:25 #43
See I don't see this as being paranoid or having trust issues - I think it's very pragmatic.
One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was: "nobody gets screwed over by a creep". There's a reason why so many con-artists, pedophiles & generally dodgy people worm their way into victims lives - because they come across as charming, likeable people. Creepy people don't get away with it for long but true sociopaths know exactly how to con people.
Of course have your guard up - I'd be wary of anyone who doesn't have friends they have known for a long time for instance, makes me think they may have a past they are burying - but it doesn't hurt to be extra careful.
I also think I would tell them afterwards - if they were really upset by it & it ruined the relationship then he probably wouldn't be the right man for me anyway. I'd be turned off someone who couldn't logically understand my point of view and only saw it from a personal angle.
06-07-2014 22:27 #44
I wouldn't. But I have a little quirk that lets me get the measure of people pretty quickly meaning I don't really have to.
06-07-2014 22:28 #45Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2005
06-07-2014 22:47 #46
I think it's all fine and good to say use your instincts and all, but as some PPs have said it's about protecting your children and acknowledging we don't live in a perfect world and there are plenty of people around who have a shady history who, if we knew more info on, probably wouldn't touch with a barge pole.
If I found myself single again, darn right I'd do a bit of checking up on them before making any big decisions like moving in, combining finances, or leaving them alone with my child.
06-07-2014 22:55 #47
I would do a bit of digging on my own I think, then maybe I would consider a PI.
After reading these stories, if something was to happen to DH I'm not sure I would be brave enough to date.
06-07-2014 23:06 #48
I don't think I could ever bring myself to actually hire a PI or anything.. but I can understand why some people would! There are crazies out there that seem so normal!!
I met DH on RSVP, the guy I met immediately before him on RSVP I went on a few dates with over the course a month or so. He was an ER doctor and said his schedule was all over the place, shift work etc. He seemed very into me but would leave it ages between dates, which he attributed to his work.
Long story short, he was actually an ER doctor.. but his schedule was mostly full with his GIRLFRIEND! I couldn't believe the trouble he went to to find a bit on the side / affair / second girlfriend, whatever the hell he was doing, and how he didn't see a problem with doing it !!!
06-07-2014 23:46 #49
Not a pi, but I would check google and run their name through a sex offenders list if we had one here in Aus. Molesters can be very charming and they have been known to date single mums to get to the kids It's so scary
07-07-2014 06:14 #50
Well, @delirium, I don't think I'd tell the other person if I was checking them out if I'm being honest.
I think checking registers is fine and everyone should do it.
But as for hiring a PI to check financial status, other quirks, I'd feel more icky doing that. I know I'd be mortified if someone did it to me! And if I found out a guy checked me out in the early stages of dating I'd dump his a.ss I'd be so angry. So I guess I'm a bit hipocritical..... But hey anyone is welcome to look up my criminal record! Go for it!
By sydneychick in forum Working Hubbers - EmployedReplies: 15Last Post: 27-03-2014, 19:26
By FearlessLeader in forum General ChatReplies: 24Last Post: 25-09-2013, 15:02
By mummtime101 in forum General ChatReplies: 28Last Post: 08-09-2013, 19:21
Hunter Women's Health CentreHunter Women’s Health Centre care for women of all ages, in the full spectrum of their gynaecologic and obstetric ...
LATESTToilet training: when is the best time to start?Why it is OK for your child to be differentWhat is a blessing way? How is it different to a baby shower?
POPULARWhen can I start giving chores to my children?New baby nursery checklist – a guide to newborn essentialsWhat to pack for labour and hospital – a checklist
FORUMS - chatting now ...
Same sex parents or parents to be chat!Same Sex Parents
IVF babies due March/April/May 2017#2pregnancy and babies through IVF
April/May TTC group chatConception & Fertility General Chat
Largest bassinets on market?Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
The Not So Serious Vent Thread #7General Chat
What are our chances??pregnancy and babies through IVF
IVF babies due Sep/Oct/Nov 2017pregnancy and babies through IVF
Am I the only thread killer??General Chat