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  1. #1
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    Default Leaving a domestic violence relationship

    Hi ladies, I'm not a single parent myself but have a friend whose partner has become violent and is planning to leave, I was thinking this May be the best thread to get advise in.

    How did you go about leaving?
    How did you manage to secure a rental if you only have benefits?

    & for me.. How do I support her? What can I do/ say?

    Thanks

  2. #2
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    I'd tried to leave but was unsuccessfully in acquiring a rental property. We actually ended up homeless the for about 6 months the first time i left. It didn't matter how many organisations i contacted, there was no help available. So after giving up on life and going back to my ex, i changed my strategy. I got a job, then another. I worked my butt off for about 2 years. I paid out about 12k in debt, saved another 20k. I finally had a bit of financial leverage and was able to offer 12 months rent in advance when applying for rentals. I think that is what finally got me a place. It was a soul destroying 2 years though and as a result of staying i'm still incredibly dead on the inside.

    Has your friend contacted a DV line at all? It might be her best bet. If she is placed in a refuge, they will help her get on centrelink payments, find more suitable longer term accommodation, etc.

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to HarvestMoon For This Useful Post:

    babyla  (03-07-2014),VicPark  (03-07-2014)

  4. #3
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    Thanks for your reply. Sounds like a tough ride, I'm so glad you go out in the end.

    I'll recommend the helpline.

  5. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by HarvestMoon View Post
    I'd tried to leave but was unsuccessfully in acquiring a rental property. We actually ended up homeless the for about 6 months the first time i left. It didn't matter how many organisations i contacted, there was no help available. So after giving up on life and going back to my ex, i changed my strategy. I got a job, then another. I worked my butt off for about 2 years. I paid out about 12k in debt, saved another 20k. I finally had a bit of financial leverage and was able to offer 12 months rent in advance when applying for rentals. I think that is what finally got me a place. It was a soul destroying 2 years though and as a result of staying i'm still incredibly dead on the inside.

    Has your friend contacted a DV line at all? It might be her best bet. If she is placed in a refuge, they will help her get on centrelink payments, find more suitable longer term accommodation, etc.
    wow that's incredibly sad to hear .

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    HarvestMoon  (03-07-2014)

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    Quote Originally Posted by HarvestMoon View Post
    I'd tried to leave but was unsuccessfully in acquiring a rental property. We actually ended up homeless the for about 6 months the first time i left. It didn't matter how many organisations i contacted, there was no help available. So after giving up on life and going back to my ex, i changed my strategy. I got a job, then another. I worked my butt off for about 2 years. I paid out about 12k in debt, saved another 20k. I finally had a bit of financial leverage and was able to offer 12 months rent in advance when applying for rentals. I think that is what finally got me a place. It was a soul destroying 2 years though and as a result of staying i'm still incredibly dead on the inside.

    Has your friend contacted a DV line at all? It might be her best bet. If she is placed in a refuge, they will help her get on centrelink payments, find more suitable longer term accommodation, etc.
    You have real balls. You deserve a big break (eg lotto win?).

  8. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to VicPark For This Useful Post:

    HarvestMoon  (03-07-2014),sunnyflower  (03-07-2014)

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    You have real balls. You deserve a big break (eg lotto win?).
    Well I wouldn't say no to that!

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Tell her to make sure she has all important document, birth certificates, rego papers, photos, receipts, etc. anything that can't be replaced. Also, keep a diary of "events", things her partner says and does. If she has to go through and get a DVO or family court for parenting matters, it will help unbelievably. And she needs a support network. If she has been cut off from family and friends during the relationship, she really needs to start reaching out and building those relationships.

    As a pp mentioned, try to get some finances together, savings, get a job if possible and need be.
    Contact the dv helpline, women's shelters, etc.

    there are women's legal help centres that offer free advice in most states that she could call or go for a drop in appointment. Sometimes you have to keep calling as the lines are busy and can be engaged for ages. The demand is high. Also, salvos legal operate in some states, but will usually only take a client on if they have applied for legal aid first and been declined.

    Most important of all, have a plan. At least for the immediate needs and actions, and ideally for the next steps. It can be daunting at the least, and paralysing enough to stay at worst.

    Your friend has taken the most important first step in recognising that the situation is wrong and isn't changing. Offer as much support as possible and understand her emotions will be worse than a pregnant woman with pms going through menopause. Don't take anything personally.

    She also needs to realise that this is the start of a journey, it can get worse before it gets better. But it will. She will need time to heal, and relearn what a healthy relationship is. And it takes effort.


 

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