I'm mulling over everything that has happened over the last week for dh and I. We lost our pregnancy after an ectopic at 6 weeks.
I'm not looking at returning to work until the week after next. I'm kind of dreading the return to work. My workmates are fine, they know what's happened and are very supportive.
It's my clients that worry me. I'm a family lawyer so I'm constantly dealing with parents and issues with kids. I am constantly - and I mean almost weekly - asked by clients if I have kids or am planning too. It's hard enough when we were ttc for ages and getting that question but now, I think I'd break down and cry. I don't know what to do the next time this happens.
I'm also worried they are going to want to know why I was off for three weeks and didn't tell them. If I'm off sick for one day some of them get very put out and are really cranky. I hate to think how they will be when I get back after three weeks. Even the ones that are being genuinely nice, I don't know what to say when they ask why I have been off for so long.
Id love to just stay at home and never go back.... But that's not an option
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28-06-2014 20:59 #1
The dreaded questions....
28-06-2014 22:19 #2
I too work for a law firm, and it's a bit like pre-school - any little tip bit clients can get about your life it brings them closer to you in a pretty sicko kind of way. Just say you had gastro. If the enquire further, just say they dont want to know the details. If they push further, just say it's company policy not to advertise sick leave to the clients, there is always cover, and point to something on the papers infront of you and continue.
If they ask about having kids, just say "we dont discuss such things, no ..." and trust me, they don't ask again.
28-06-2014 22:28 #3
I'm so sorry for your loss!
I hope that things work out for you soon on your TTC journey.
Returning to work is really daunting, especially when you can just feel that things are still very raw and close to the surface. Good on you for taking some time off though, I took a full month off for similar reasons and felt fragile on returning for at least a couple of months but it wasn't as bad as I had imagined that it would be. Pretty much all of my colleagues knew, some offered words of support, some just gave me a big hug when I returned and never said anything about it.
Just remember that you don't owe anyone any answers, most of all to the public/clients. Have a few deflections in mind for any questions is handy. You deserve time off and privacy, you can always talk about it in the future but keeping some boundaries will be important for your sanity while you are grieving. I found that I would have to bite my tongue when dealing with those harping on about minor life dramas, this was a bigger trigger for me than direct personal questions.
If they are snappy about you having leave, just stick to your guns and choose not to elaborate "I had to take some personal leave" and a change of topic should give them the hint that it is out of bounds. I still get the "do you have kids of your own" etc type questions and I still deflect those, its more about the person wanting to feel understood than actually getting a direct answer anyway. Another good deflection technique would be to answer that question with a question and get them back to talking about their own issue/circumstances.
On my first week back I found that balancing my time with the public and having big gaps between dealing with people to be handy. If you know that someone very draining or high needs is coming in, have a plan to end the session before you get stressed, even if it is for a colleague to page you after a certain amount of time etc. If you are having a fragile day, don't feel bad if you need to reschedule appts and just do paperwork, above all - protect your soul.
The Following User Says Thank You to Que Sera For This Useful Post:
07-07-2014 07:04 #4
Thanks ladies, those tips will be really helpful.
I'm heading into the office today. I'm really nervous but just keep reminding myself it will be okay
07-07-2014 09:21 #5
08-07-2014 12:23 #6
Its been okay so far, my colleagues have been amazing. I've managed to avoid all bar two clients so far and they were both okay. I've not had any difficult clients yet which has been good
08-07-2014 19:15 #7
Well you have conquered the hardest bit - the initial return! Stay strong, it will get easier. You will be one hell of a resilient woman after being able to keep those nosey clients at bay. Well done.
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