I'm new to this site and am after some advice
I know this question has been asked a lot in the past but thought I would still ask for some advice/opinions regarding our particular circumstances. Sorry if this rambles on a bit.
So my husband and I are trying to decide if we want to have baby number 3, we were really keen and going to start trying soon but when we actually sat down and talked about it we weren't so sure.
We have 2 beautiful daughters who are 3 and 8months, things are really good at the moment, I rarely feel overwhelmed we have a good routine going, the girls get on well, my husband and I are still able to have date nights & pretty much life is great. When I think about only have 2 I feel a bit sad but im not sure if I really want another baby or if I am just keen to be pregnant again ( I love being pregnant) and go through all the fun things like setting up the nursery & picking names etc & am sad just that that stage of life is behind us now...
Financially things are great we can afford a 3rd and have the room in our house and wouldn't need a bigger car, but it would mean taking a lot longer to pay off our house, no overseas holidays less dinners out trips to the movies etc but when I think about those as reasons to not have a baby they seem really shallow.
My husband is the same as me, sometimes keen sometimes not so he is no help, I would actually prefer it if he was really one way or the other so that the decision was made. I'm also worried about the stress it would put on our family and if we would just be better parents only having the 2 gorgeous girls that we already have.
But I guess I worry that I would regret it when I'm older and wish that I had had a 3rd, our problem as well is that we don't want to wait much longer, we want the kids close in age. I'm a SAHM but realistically would need to go back to work eventually to help us get in front, so want to have the 3rd while I don't have a job and am already at home.
Anyway I'm after opinions from people who weren't sure and had a 3rd or didn't have a 3rd, what made you decide either way? If you decided on 3 how is it now, is it just crazy? If you could would you possibly go back to just having 2 (not that you don't completely love your 3rd) how do you find it spreading your time over 3? Financially is it that much worse or not that big a deal? From reading my post, if you were in my position what would you do?
Thank you so much for any help, I'm very confused and would love to hear what people think
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22-06-2014 14:02 #1Junior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2014
Can't decide whether to have baby number 3...
22-06-2014 14:27 #2
If I was you I would do it you will never regret the child you had, but will regret the one you didnt
We weren't sure whether to have a 3rd or not- we had 2 girls who were at that time 4 and 1, we were in a good place relationship wise, were about to be married and had a pretty good social life (actually able to do things like have date nights away from kids, go out with friends etc). I still didnt feel like our family was complete though so we agreed to try for another and fell pregnant straight away (on our wedding night!). At first I was happy as its something we both wanted but then realised it meant going through all the newborn stage again, losing a lot of the social life etc. But then I thought about it.... we will get that back! Its not going to stop is doing anything like travelling or anything- it will just be a bit longer until we are able to.
Going from 2-3 was a breeze. Nothing really changed routine wise and she just slotted into our lives perfectly. And it wasnt long before we were enjoying a social life again! Financially it made no real difference at all either- apart from having to buy everything again as we had gotten rid of everything due to stupidly thinking we were done after dd2. But once she was born we didnt notice a great impact financially.
Anyway, long story short... dd3 was born, we were over the moon and wouldnt change it for the world. So much so we have just had our 4th! All those doubts just disappeared when I saw them for the first time. I knew we had made the right choice
He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
Embrace the chaos
Last edited by SheWarrior; 22-06-2014 at 14:30.
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Que Sera (22-06-2014)
22-06-2014 19:25 #3
We ummed and arrhed about #3 as well much the same as you we had no reason not too..what helped me decided was looking past the baby/pregnancy stage and thinking about our family in the future, could I picture #3 in the mix? Yes I could so we went for it and it was the best decision. Than I fell pregnant with #4 and I just knew that we couldnt fit another person into our lives, yes I could of done the pregnancy/baby stage again but I could not see past that, I didnt want a #4, I couldn't see where they would fit in or how we would manage so I chose not to continue that pregnancy and I do not regret it at all.
I did use to love being pregnant and I do feel very blessed that everything was so easy for us so I decided to be a gestational surrogate. Epic fail as I have hyperemesis!
I think you need to try to see past the baby stage, can you see your family traveling and doing the things you've described? Is the call for #3 stronger than the desire for the lifestyle you want?
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22-06-2014 19:34 #4
OP I could have written your post! We're feeling torn as well, we have two amazing little men and wondering if a third little person belongs in our family. I'll be following with interest.
Me, he and our two boys
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22-06-2014 19:37 #5
Subbing - I could have written the OP word for word .
22-06-2014 19:39 #6
We have 3, things are harder, everything is more expensive, but she lights up our lives so we made the right decision.
Number 4? HELLL noooo.
22-06-2014 19:56 #7
I feel the same way op. But our circumstances are different and required ivf to get both of our girls. I am torn as to if we even want a third but to conceive a third is the most difficult part for us.
22-06-2014 20:35 #8
our third bub has just turned one!
we were 'sure' that we were happy with our older boy & girl, but once we had gone through a rough year with our daughters diagnosis (she has a lifelong disability), we sat down and talked about what we would regret and if our family could expand. we looked way past the pregnancy stage and we wanted that third kid in our lives.
so the kids are now 6, 5 and 1 and it's awesome. hard first year (PND) but it's all levelling out now and we don't regret a thing. I'm off work currently to make sure our dd is settled into school next year, I'll most likely study next year at home. the boys will share a room next year, car is just big enough for the 3 car seats across. all good!
22-06-2014 20:47 #9
22-06-2014 20:53 #10
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