Custody with alcoholic drug user.

[Waterbaby]

Basically my husband and I have just broken up. Tonight. He was organising to buy some hard drugs and I happened to see the texts in his phone. I called his sister to ask for advice and she told his parents. Now he blames me for everyone knowing and had absolutely decided that we are over. He has often suggested he would like to break up, especially when I mention that he drinks too much (he comes home and drinks 6 beers quickly then continues drinking throughout the night). He cannot accept responsibility and I am sick of it. We have an 18 month old though. I am terrified that he will try and get some sort of access/custody. This worries me because if he's doing drugs or even drinking, he could pass out (or worse) and it would negatively impact our child. If he's on hard drugs he could actually hurt him. But to prove this in family court would be difficult. I am so upset and confused. Can anyone help?

[ScubaGal]

Oh gosh @Waterbaby sounds like you're in a really difficult place. Have you thought of seeking some professional help for yourself in this difficult situation? Your GP should be able to refer you to a counsellor which should help you with working out what to do, and a social worker might also be helpful to talk to about where to next and keeping your kids safe.

[BH-KatiesMum]

write down all the details you have (dates, times, text messages etc) of when you know he has purchased/used hard drugs.

write down details of alcohol consumption (though that is harder as he can say that he wont drink when he has the child

[Mod-Zeddie]

What an awful situation if his sister and parents are on your side maybe they would support you for custody. Stay safe xx

[Butterfly39]

If there is no family court agreement and you have the child then it is up to him to take the next step. If you believe the child is unsafe in his care then you can't give the baby to him and nobody can force you to without a court order, and even then you can raise your objections with child safety if it came to that and they are able to do unannounced child safety visits to assess the situation and the home.... You probably have some breathing time to get legal advice from women's legal aid or a family lawyer to advise you further. Many cases are resolved through mediation - they never even go to court. It's always wise to keep a diary and write notes. You can also delay things by saying you are still breast feeding the child and so the baby can't go to him at this point. Don't panic and don't worry about him - take care of you - have a shower and a sleep and eat something nutritious and make yourself comfortable, play some soothing music, and don't worry, you're the sober one, you will be fine.

Remember, loose cannons never hit anything.

good luck. X

ps don't miss the opportunity to make photocopies of all relevant financial documents (pretty easy to show a drinking problem if you spend a fortune at Dan Murphys every month) and take photographs of anything that is evidence, including documents or receipts.