Lately DH and I have been discussing our friends. DH had 4 friends that he had grown up with and 3 months ago there was a falling out. Basically after us being together 8 years and realising that 2 of the boys wives I have never meet majority of the children, ours and theirs have never meet, my husband decided to ask his mates why? Why do they never do family things only boys things, why do they all never really ask about each other's families and why do they only really talk about the old days. After all of them blaming me saying that I have changed him, they have kind of parted ways.
Then we looked at my 2 friends and really if I don't call them or invite them around to our place then I don't see or hear from them at all.
It made us think then, are we the weird ones and not them? We just want friends that share the entertainment eg. Bbq's at their house as well as ours. Friends that want to spend time with all of us but also boys and girls times. Are we the weird ones? Is it that life is getting to busy and no one has time for each other anymore?
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20-06-2014 13:24 #1
Are we the weird ones?
20-06-2014 13:30 #2
sometimes theres just different groups of friends. being that they were your dh's friends growing up maybe they dont see families as a joint activity.. juts boy time, they probably have other friends they do the whole boy/girl family thing with.
20-06-2014 13:34 #3
Isn't there a saying?
Something along the lines of Friends are there for a reason and when you no longer need them they make way for new friends for a new reason?
As I said something like that, I can't remember the exact wording.
Maybe you have all outgrown each other? It's not a bad thing, well not if you don't want it to be.
20-06-2014 13:42 #4Member
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- Jun 2014
This might not be the case with your situation, but I find sometimes friends who are at different life stages only fit with one part of your life, if that makes sense? So single friends might do girls night things, but not weekend bbqs. Because they don't relate to all parts of your life.
However, if you have friends that you only see when you invite them over and you're the one always putting the effort in, then that does seem unfair and I don't think you're weird for wanting a bit of equal effort on their part.
20-06-2014 13:43 #5
Maybe they are just friends from the past, and will just stay mates with your DH as they have that history. Maybe this is a chance to make new mutual friends that you can do the BBQ family thing together with. See it as an opportunity
20-06-2014 13:43 #6
Come to think of it we are in the same situation. I used to have more friends but I got fed up of always being the one to initiate contact so don't bother anymore and haven't seen then now in a few years!
Maybe organize a BBQ with all your DH mates and their families to see how things go?
20-06-2014 13:44 #7
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20-06-2014 13:49 #8
Were also in the same boat. And basically if we want to do something like a BBQ night we invite family, not friends because my friends are still partying like they're 21, and df's friends are either "too far away" (in their words), idiots or they literally are too far away. (3 hr drive as opposed to the first bunch who can't drive 45 mins to see us yet regularly expect df to do the same for them.)
Quite frankly I'm a bit over it all. If you're weird op, then so am I.
20-06-2014 13:49 #9
I can kind of relate, except I know why DHs friends don't want to spend much time doing family stuff, and it's because they would prefer to get drunk and have a boys night and not worry about the wives and kids! It drives DH and I crazy cause sometimes it would be really nice to have a BBQ all together. The only time we really ever do that is for kids birthdays, but even then most of the boys can't wait to leave. And my friends don't have kids, and they tend to spend a lot of time doing stuff with their boyfriends, and don't seems to make their own friendships a priority. That drives me crazy because I feel as women we often put the needs of our men before ourselves, when really we should be making an effort to maintain these friendships! So no it's not just you, it annoys DH and I as well. I'm hoping once my mates start having kids we will able to organise to do more fun family things together, but I'm not holding my breath!
20-06-2014 14:08 #10
I also think many friends are in your lives for a certain time of your life, and then you often drift apart.
My DH is much younger than me and all his friends (married, single or partnered) still consider a fun night to be getting drunk, partying with "the boys" and going to nightclubs. My DH was the same, right up until he met me. (Hey, even I was the same up until I met him!) Now he is not interested in the same things as his friends. He likes to spend time with me, or if we catch up with friends it's a dinner or board games at someones house. I tried for a while to maintain the friendships for DH's sake so he didn't lose his friends - until I realised he just didn't care!
I've seen it happen so often that men's friends will blame the new girlfriend/wife for "keeping him under the thumb" or other such rubbish and that's why he's doing 'family things' or not 'hanging out with the boys'. They can't see that their friend has changed their priorities in life and are actually doing exactly what they WANT to do - it just so happens what they want to do isn't the same as what their friends still want to do!
People get different hobbies, different ideas of fun and different lives. I really don't see the issue with old friends drifting away and making way for new friends who suit your lifestyle at the time. <shrug> . If you're wondering whether you're weird, mine and DH's favourite days include: playing with the dogs, watching our chickens and snuggling on the couch! I'm sure all our friends think we're the weird ones! They're probably quite happy we don't catch up too much anymore, then they don't have to hear about all the latest chicken antics hehe
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