I'm not expecting for her to be effusive or over the top in her gratitude. You make it sound like I want her to bow at my feet or tell me how wonderful I am with the use of the word effusive.
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20-06-2014 20:29 #31
20-06-2014 20:32 #32
Sorry I assumed she said thanks. Obviously that's not the case but "barely a thanks" implies she said thanks, even if vaguely.
So you said you would pay for dinner and she honestly said nothing?
That's unbelievable and ungrateful.
I have a different view now.
20-06-2014 20:37 #33
If someone gave me a whole bag of school uniform I don't think I'd be saying thank you enough, and I'd be working out how, in some way, I could return the favour. Even if I had no money, I'd offer something different, like babysit your kids for a night.
OP I don't think you're being unreasonable. Like vic park said, you have a good heart, that's evident. Maybe put different boundaries down in your relationship so you don't get bitter and lose a friend.
Last edited by cheekychook; 20-06-2014 at 20:40.
20-06-2014 20:42 #34
She said "I'll check With husband he might be working ot but if not we will definitely be there" we then proceeded to pay for their dinner and half way through they wanted yo change venue because they weren't happy with the menu.
Anyway I do get a lot out of our friendship and she is a good friend in a lot of other ways. And it's not the fact that I don't get anything materialistic, I don't care about that. I guess it's the meaning behind it that I am missing and would hate to think that I am being taken advantage of which is what DH thinks.
20-06-2014 20:44 #35
20-06-2014 20:44 #36
I think your friend is very rude. She's taking advantage of your generosity. You don't need money to show you're grateful to s friend. She could have written you a lovely card for your wedding. She could have made you cake or something to say how much she appreciated the school clothes. She could've offered to baby sit your kids before you left so you and hubby could go out or something. There are so many ways to say thank you to friend.
A friendship should go both ways. .. If one is always taking. .. whether it's financial or emotional and never giving back then it's very one sided.
Ask yourself if this friend makes you feel good about yourself. Does she build you up and listen when you're down? Would she be there for you in tough times? If no. .. then I would be phasing her out.
I don't have a lot of money myself but I'm more than happy to shout my friends a coffee or cake. . or bake a treat. . because I know they would reciprocate. I don't do it because I know they will... But I know the friendship is equal. A true friend wouldn't take advantage of you.
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20-06-2014 20:51 #37-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
I get the impression that you and your friend are two different types of people, that's not necessarily a bad thing. But you have to be careful not to expect your friend to react to things how you would. For example, you mentioned you make handmade cards so it sounds like you would expect something similar from your friend which is unfair.
Your friend may very well be taking advantage I don't know. But it sounds like she is getting mixed messages ("don't do this... But I really expect this but I'm not going to tell you that."). It's probably time to either stop buying her stuff or be more clear with your expectations (eg "I will shout dinner if you get drinks.")
Last edited by VicPark; 20-06-2014 at 20:54.
20-06-2014 20:55 #38
Not even a thank you?! Gee yes she is rude.
TBH I would have stopped giving a long time ago. Some of my "friends" do this. And they are loaded.
I quickly cleared the air and explained how I was hurt and disappointed. They have BS explanations and we both knew we were just not that into each other IYKWIM.
There are tons of way of helping out a friend or giving back without spending a dime. If she doesn't then I would just let go of the relationship.
20-06-2014 20:56 #39Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2014
I think you need to look at why you do what you do.
You told her not to bring anything and got annoyed when she didn't..
You offer to pay for dinner and you but snacks and are offended that she isn't grateful enough.
I would stop doing those things for her but I would also ask my self why? What do you do it for? To be nice .. I am sure but you can't give with expectation.
Now I only say this as I learnt.. I have a co depency personality and would offer help to everyone.
Money, gifts, time ...
And was always upset that it wasn't appreciated...
Then I became a person with nothing... I say thank you but man it's so hard you feel like such a weak person always saying thank you thank you thank you...
I think you should stop doing things for her but also accept that not everyone is the same and the appreciation is not always guaranteed..
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
Still mummy to Agnes Ronald and Beryl.
20-06-2014 21:04 #40
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