Sorry to vent here but I just need to get it out, I have been crying for the last hour while the kids sleep because I'm just feeling sorry for myself.
I went to a friends house for this morning tea thing with a few friends that have kids around the same age and well I just left feeling a bit poo. We may as well have called it let's see who can boast about their fancy lives the most.
I have 3 boys 2.5 and 1.5 twins. They were great for the most part but of course I spent all my time chasing them around making sure they didn't break anything, hit anyone, bite anyone or do anything wrong.
I had nothing to talk to anyone about because all I do is stay home with my kids all day. I might occasionally go to the supermarket but mostly DH picks up what we need on his way home from work (I really only go when he couldn't be bothered stopping on his way home and the boys are all asleep).
Leaving the house is to hard and after today I just feel like it's more trouble than it's even worth.
What I did hear of conversations was how wonderful their kids are and the things they are doing and saying and how great they are at sleeping. How wonderful their houses are and how they are going to move to bigger houses.
My kids aren't perfect, in fact most of the time they are screaming, crying and fighting with each other. My eldest hardly talks and now he's biting. The middle (well first born twin makes him the middle) takes everything everyone else has because he has to have it and it's the end of the world if he doesn't get to have it too. And the youngest screams when I leave the room and doesn't really like people. I feel like a failure as a mother on a daily (who am I kidding, I really mean hourly) basis. And I yell so much more than I ever wanted to as a mother so of course I feel horrible after I do because I am not giving the best of myself to them. They probably just think I am the crazy woman that hangs around the house.
They don't sleep through the night and I am tired! I just want to sleep for more then 3 hours at a time. I want a whole night of uninterrupted sleep, maybe then I wouldn't be a screaming banshie ( maybe). My eldest wakes in the middle of the night for a few hours and he just has to wake me as well and I'm not allowed to go back to sleep. He doesn't want his father... EVER! And one of these friends that I seen today said that she would sort them out... Seriously I wanted to scream and cry right then, as if I have not tried to get them to sleep through the night. So to her I wish I had said thanks for making me feel like less of a mother than you because my kids are not like your one perfect little child that never cries and does nothing wrong and sleeps for 14hours straight. And has 3 hour naps in the middle of the day as well.
I still give the youngest a bottle in the middle of the night because I can't be bothered dealing with the screaming that he wants one.
We spend to much time watching abc 2 because I'd never get the house cleaned if we didn't and honestly the house isn't really that clean. Well it's clean, I'm not a pig, but it's untidy.
And then there's food. 1 eats great the other 2 hardly eat anything. Another reason to feel like a failure, I can't even get them to eat a piece of bread some times. I mean they do eat, they wish they could only eat cookies and sweets but of course I try to be a good mum and don't give them much of that. But that results in more screaming and I feel like a crap mum again because I have ruined their life (I'm sure that's what they would say if they could).
I feel like since having kids people don't come around .. At all.. I actually feel like a leaper or something, maybe I just smell coz sometimes I don't get out of my pjs for days at a time. But everyone said before we had kids that we would have so many visitors and that never happened. I prepared for it. I stocked up on bickies and coffee and tea and they were waisted coz no one came (though my MIL came over for a couple of weeks when we had our first and I would have rather not be there too while she was there).
Everyone is building or buying new houses and we can't even afford to move out of our tiny little house that has no room. 5 people in a 1.5 bedroom house, thankfully 3 of them are small people. People tell me to move but we can't afford to. We have no spare money, we have nothing in savings and we can't even save bond anyway. We made stupid money decision and now we are paying for it.
I should go back to work to make some more money but I don't really want to. I want to be at home with the kids, may mum went straight back to work and I wish she had stayed home with me. I'd rather not be yelling of course. But I don't want someone else getting all the good times that we do have (we do have them it's not all screaming, there are laughs and fun times too). I'm not saying there is anything wrong with mothers that do go back to work. I don't know how they juggle it all, I think they are amazing how they do it all. It's just not what we ever planned. I will go back to work when they go to school but for right now I want to be home with them, I guess I just had a fairy tail idea of how it would be.
But my point was that they have new houses and houses they they are doing up or building and it makes me feel miserable in my little tiny house that we are squished into.
I know I shouldn't be feeling like this It could be so much worse, at least we have a roof over our head, food on the table and clean clothes to wear but I just felt like today listening to them that I am sucking at life and it made me feel sorry for myself
Anyway thanks for the space to vent. I smell a poop so I better go change a nappy.
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19-06-2014 13:55 #1
Sometimes it feels like everything sucks *vent sorry*
19-06-2014 14:08 #2
Sorry you are having a hard time. Having small children is exhausting. And you have three. Most people have a tendency to be too hard on themselves. I hope you feel better about things soon.
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19-06-2014 14:17 #3
these kinds of days suck! But, you know what... you're doing what works for your family and that's all that matters.
Life is much easier when you don't compare yourself to others. They will only tell you what they want you to hear. You don't know that they may be in debt up to their eyeballs or that their kid screams in between their sleeps
19-06-2014 14:26 #4Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2014
I don't have the right words to say (I'm in my own meltdown right now) but just wanted to let you know you're not alone and don't compare yourself to others, it's rarely as great as they make it seem.
19-06-2014 14:37 #5
Big hugs - your raising 3 gorgeous little men and being able to even get out of the house in my eyes you are a champion ! Don't worry about what others say - it's probably all bulls$it anyway - people who brag all the time I mostly find are insecure and have to put others down to make their lives bearable - no kid is perfect ( or parent) so ignore what they say and be kind to yourself - 3 under 2.5 is hard for anyone , so don't let them get to you
19-06-2014 14:39 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
- Brisbane North
I totally hear you hun. it's EXHAUSTING. and sometimes yes, as pp said it's rarely as great as they make it seem. I feel like all I do is yell all the time as well. you sound like you need a pat on the back if anything! having 3 at such ages would not be easy... I find taking my kids to the park sometimes just gives me a smidgen of peace.. it does get easier (I know, it's hard to believe that it does, ) but it does. sounds like you need new friends too.
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19-06-2014 14:53 #7
hi bigZ, I can really understand where you are at. look at my signature. I had three under two. It was a huge effort to get out of the house when they were all small. my hubby did the weekly grocery shop. I had a close neighbour who was able to collect me for playgroup once a week, and I managed to get everyone in one huge pram and walk to the local mch clinic, once a week. That was it. I vacuumed the carpet late at night, I did the washing and folding while the kids were asleep. I somehow mangaged to cook meals, and to get into a shower, but believe me the house was never totally clean. Lots of people will say what they want you to think their life is like, but whether it is the actual truth ??? who knows. take heart in the fact your children are growing up, and no matter how bad things might seem, everything will pass. don't stress how other people do things, just enjoy your time with your children, the time passes so quickly. Marie.
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19-06-2014 20:41 #8
You have 3 under two! I honestly don't know how you do it! Please don't compare yourself to others, I have two with a almost 3 year age gap and struggle most days lucky to be out of my pjs by 11 am most days.
Honestly I'm sure we all get stuck in a funk sometimes and compare our lives to our friends who may even be having the same thoughts we are. I know how you feel sometimes it's like Groundhog Day this mothering business, but I just wanted to let you know I think your awesome and your not alone.
P.s I live in a really small 1.5br home too
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19-06-2014 21:04 #9
all I can tell you - is that it will get better.
It will get easier, your kids will not die from lack of a few vegies or watching tv too much ... and you will one day get to remember that you are a real person.
its hard though. Its hard to get through until then. So go easy on yourself.
and come on here for friends, and real life chat ... and to remember that other parents have normal kids that cry and scream and tantrum all day long and never sleep. You are not alone
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19-06-2014 21:24 #10
I have no advice sadly but I can tell u I feel the same most days so your not alone and chances are that your friends lives are every bit as hard as yours they just arent going to tell anybody else that..... I lie regularly to my friend's when they ask hows it all going because im too embarassed to tell them the truth. I have no problem doing it on here how ever because nobody knows who I am. It does get easier. Just remember you arent alone.
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