I'm having trouble keeping & maintaining friendships. I don't see any of my old school friends - none of them have kids yet. But I do make new friends here & there, everything seems great for around 12 months, then all of a sudden people keep coming up with excuses not to catch up, cancel play dates etc. I try to reschedule, but nothing ever eventuates. It feels weird when it is me having to continually ask to catch up. Does anyone have any advice, I'm feeling pretty lonely
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18-06-2014 14:21 #1Member
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- Sep 2012
18-06-2014 14:45 #2
Sorry you're feeling lonely @mezzo Do you have family members you're close to that you could catch up with instead? I've never been good at maintaining friendships because I'm not great at putting in effort, but it doesn't bother me. (In all honesty, I kind of avoid having too many friends because I find it to be too much effort ) I much prefer to just have one or two people I really like to catch up with (even then I will really only catch up with the best of friends no more than once a month, I'm just not a very sociable person!)
It's probably not something you're doing "wrong", often people just don't have the time or inclination to catch up too often. How often are you expecting them to catch up with you? (I ask because different people have different expectations of how a friendship should work. For instance, if I made a friend and they asked me to catch up with them every week I would quickly make my excuses and high tail it out of there because that's too intense and too much of a time commitment on my behalf. I'm not saying everyone is like that because there are lots of people who love to catch up a lot, but maybe the people you've made friends with have a different idea to you?)
Sometimes friendships are only formed for a period of time too. I don't really see anyone from my school days, people I've met at work - even the ones I adore while I work with them, I never catch up with once either of us leaves the job and some people we just go in different directions and aren't interested in the same things anymore.
Do you do any activities or have any hobbies you go to? Sometimes it's easier to make friendships when you can bond over a shared interest like a class or craft etc. Sorry I'm not a whole lot of help, I'm more likely to be the one who does the avoiding in friendships so I probably don't have the best advice! :/
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