Is your child in day care at all OP? If not could you put him in a for a few days a week. This would give you a break and time to spend on yourself to re boot. If things are not goid at home then I think your DS may benefit from being with other children and he must likely also needs a break from things as well. Can you arrange a babysitter so you and DH can spend done time together outside the stresses of the home. Please see your dr and tell them everything. I'm sorry things are not good and I hope it gets better for you all. Another tip is 6:1 with your child - that's 6 positives for every negative, children respond well to this.
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18-06-2014 14:48 #11
18-06-2014 18:03 #12
Well today has been a festival of tears - all 3 of us. DH is so ashamed of his own behaviour and wants to leave. DS has got a cold to top everything off and has hardly eaten, refuses to be put down at all, freaked out when I changed out of my pajamas and spent the day alternating between tantrums and trying to put my pajamas back on me. I'm ready to hit the wine.
DS has just started daycare on the 2 days a week that I work as DH starts a new job next week. Prior to this DH looked after him while I worked and vice verse. I'm sure some of DS behaviour is due to this but the tantrums etc started several weeks before daycare. He is having a hard time settling into care, and DH is having a hard time leaving him there. Personally I'm at a point where I wish he could just stay there and not come back. Sunday morning about 4:30am I took DS for a drive to try to get him back to sleep (after a whole 2 very broken hours sleep myself) and I must admit it did cross my mind more than once to just drive us both off a cliff or into a lake. I cannot believe how my life has changed. I can't remember being happy. DS is a demanding child and has been this way since birth. He has always screamed for things and has absolutely no patience - if you're 2 milliseconds slow at getting his food etc he screams, hold his breath and becomes hysterical. Once he's like that he starts rejecting everything including whatever it was that he was screaming for. It then takes 30-60 minutes to calm him. Most days either DH or I cry. We just don't know how to parent this toddler.
18-06-2014 18:30 #13
DH has never hurt me physically. But he will snap in temper and say horrible things. He will also punch or kick furniture, walls and even himself (nearly knocked his own teeth out when dealing with DS tantrums on his own) in anger and frustration. He has a short fuse and has also had some depression and anxiety issues (gets overly anxious esp in places like grocery shops) - he's a bit of a perfectionist and stresses if he's not sure how to do something correctly.
18-06-2014 18:57 #14
Are you much of a reader? It sounds like you have a 'highly sensitive' child. Do a google and see if you think this fits his behaviour. There is a book about how to manage highly sensitive childen, I haven't read it though so not sure if it's any good.
The thing is, it can be good to know that the issue is actually your child, and not something you are or aren't doing. If he was already having problems before starting childcare, don't blame that as being the issue, or feel guilty about sending him there. He will settle in, though drop offs may always be hard.
More importantly, make sure you get to the doctor. Make sure you tell them that you are having suicidal thoughts. You may need some intensive and immediate care. At minimum they need to look at your medication as it does not sound like it is working well enough.
18-06-2014 19:01 #15
Oh darling Waggers, it just breaks my heart to read this thread. I know how long you've been doing it tough for. I can't offer any solutions but I just wanted to let you know I've been EXACTLY where you are. I even started a thread about it.
I was so barely functional that I seriously considered fostering out DS. Not just for his own good, but for mine. I get what it's like to feel that way. And to be dealing with your husband's state of mind and working and still sleep deprived, well I totally understand how you would be drinking to the level you are.
My son was very difficult. Not to the extent as you describe, but he was difficult. And I handled it badly because of everything else that was going on in my life. He barely slept. There were times I wanted to throw him at a wall and then I would cry and hate myself for thinking that. There were times I thought that it would be easier if we were both dead. And it felt deadly serious to me. If you are regularly having these thoughts please seek help ASAP.
You need a day a week to yourself to recharge. Or even half a day. This sounds harsh, but if your son cries at cc then he'll cry. You are paying carers to look after him and keep him safe. He may not be happy for a few hours, but he will be safe. He may not eat, but he will be safe. And your well being is so important, especially given that your husband isn't coping either. I know how hard it is to leave a crying child at childcare. I'm not diminishing that. But I feel really worried for you.
Are you still co-sleeping? If not, and drinking takes the edge off and you aren't drink driving, then I personally say do what you can for now to cope until you have the strength to deal with that. Others may not agree with me on that one.
Please keep checking in, and I'm sending so many positive thoughts your way.
18-06-2014 19:08 #16
I'm so sorry things are so bad at the moment. Pp's have some great advice for you. Please reach out to someone. I have no advice but just wanted to wish you well.
18-06-2014 19:08 #17-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Waggers hang in there. If you need help tonight please call lifeline on 131114. https://www.lifeline.org.au.
I promise if you get the help you are after things will get easier. You deserve to enjoy your life and your child and I want you to know that this IS achievable. Asking for and accepting help (which is what you are doing) is the key.
Regarding daycare many kids around 18 months take a little longer to settle in because of the parental attachment stage they are in. My personal opinion (which people are free to disagree with!) is that any less than 3 days daycare is disruptive for a child and it's difficult for them to settle in. As you are having a rough time if I were you I would consider jumping in the deep end and putting bub in daycare 5 days. This would not be shirking your responsibilities. Rather it would be part of a comprehensive plan to bring your family back from the brink and into a world of happiness. You need a break. You need rest. Daycare staff can offer hints and support regarding your DS's behaviour.
Check out the relationships Australia website for parenting courses in your area. http://www.relationships.org.au/what...enting-courses
- call them on 1300 364 277 if you have any questions.
With seeing your GP and doing these things (or others if they are more suited to your situation) you are positioning yourself for the recovery. I am worried though that your hard work will go to waste by continuing to drink to excess. Alcohol puts you in a foggy state of mind... makes making good decisions more difficult... Enhances feelings of depression. Basically it makes a $hit situation $hittier. It is dragging you down and setting you up for failure. In this situation is not your friend or Ally, it is your enemy.
You can do it. Xxx
Last edited by VicPark; 18-06-2014 at 19:13.
18-06-2014 19:59 #18
I don't have any practical advice, but wanted to say I am so sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time Waggers Hang in there.
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18-06-2014 20:03 #19Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
I was only wondering about you the other day. Are you an AVA member? I think they have telephone counselling too - might be an option if the other lines are busy.
Hugs from me and I hope the dr is good tomorrow.
18-06-2014 20:27 #20
No advice really.. Just another one that will put her hand up and admit I had a difficult time when my kids were the same age and had many of the same feelings as you. I wanted to foster my kids out a ton of times and had thoughts of driving into a tree when I was sleep deprived and driving my babies around the block in the middle of the night desperately trying to get them to sleep.
Be kind to yourselves, forgive yourself, support each other and don't give up. There are places out there that can help.. I attended a mental health day program for a while which helped me with some coping skills (might help your dh?), there are post natal depression support services, parenting classes are the bomb and have some really useful for tips and if you have a sleep school close by, I strongly reccomend it. Also look into CBT and mindfulness which would be great for both you and your dh, anxiety, depression etc.
Anyway... Your not alone. Keep telling yourself "This too shall pass"...
Take care and be kind to yourself x
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