I think I'm going insane. Sleep deprivation is constant. Physical pain is constant. Depression, emotional pain and anger are constant. I have no joy.
DS is 19 months old and only becoming more difficult - tantrums lasting 1-2 hours several times day and night. DH about to start full time work for a very long time. No family or friend support. DH and I are not fit parents - he has anger management issues and I'm heading rapidly towards a breakdown. I can't stop crying. We are seriously considering that DS would be better off if we gave him up. We just can't seem to give him a happy or secure home. He crys all the time and screams "no no no" at us.
I'm on medication for PND but it's only taking the thinnest edge off. I drink excessively almost every day. For the first time I was so relieved to actually go to work yesterday rather than looking after DS for the day (I work part-time). Today has been a nightmare of screaming, crying, DH losing his sh!t and smacking DS several times and me also crying. DS is only happy when I'm carrying him and he's just too heavy for that for very long. As soon as I put him down he's screaming again.
I've made an appointment to see a doctor tomorrow but I just don't know how I'm going to survive until then.
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18-06-2014 09:19 #1
Losing it all
18-06-2014 09:28 #2
Just wanted to give hugs, this parenting thing is not easy and when you add PND it gets a whole lot harder :-( good on you for recognising that something is wrong and going to see a doctor. I know admitting that to yourself is not an easy thing to do. The fact you are seeking help proves you are a great mum who has her child's best interest at heart. I sincerely hope things get better soon xxxxx
18-06-2014 09:29 #3
I'm so sorry things are so tough atm I do suspect it's a cyclic issue. Your son is acting out bc of how the house is, which makes you both more frustrated, you yell more, and so the cycle goes around and around.
Are you seeing a counsellor? It sounds like there is multiple issues here, possibly dual diagnosis on your behalf with heavy drinking and mental health issues. I urge you both to seek help, having depression you probably already know, but you are both entitled to free visits to a MH professional under a Mental Health Plan. Don't leave it, or it's only going to escalate further.
You can both do this
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18-06-2014 09:36 #4
Please hang in there
Sounds like you're having an awfully rough patch - this is temporary. Things can and will get better for you. The doctors appointment is crucial. Please don't be afraid to reach out for help.
I hope someone here can help you more with perhaps some advice from a perspective of personal experience.
18-06-2014 09:38 #5
Huge hugs, that sounds so tough!
Is there any help, at all, that you can find today? Neighbours, playgroup/libraries etc. that you could go to and ask others for some support. Do you have a CYH service nearby? Any kind of mental health drop-in?
Do whatever you need to do to get through the day. Really hope things improve soon.
If I lived near you, I'd be offering to come and help.
18-06-2014 09:40 #6
I'm sorry you are going through this. I've followed some of your prev posts esp about feeding and you are a concerned and caring mum. What about calling a helpline like the postnatal depression one - http://www.panda.org.au
18-06-2014 09:44 #7
Oh hon Firstly, it is so good to hear you are seeing a Doctor tomorrow, because you do need the help of a professional as some things are simply out of your control and exacerbating other things. Your little boy is most likely picking up on everything going on and is acting out accordingly, so please don't think you're unfit parents, you are parents who are in dire need of help and the fact that you realise this, is a huge step in the right direction and shows you care.
You must be honest with your Doctor and tell him/her exactly as you have here so they can work out a care plan for you and refer you (if necessary) to other professionals. It is probably very hard to see some light or hope, but please know that once you have some professional help/counselling and or meds to help you cope, you will have some clarity and be able to put one foot in front of the other.
All is not lost or futile, you just need some support and clarity.
18-06-2014 09:50 #8
Good on you for reaching out, you need help, and you need to take steps to get the help you need for both yourself and your husband for the sake of your son.
Have you got ANYONE who could help you?
I just want to warn you, I had a friend who asked for assistance with her children in very similar circumstances, and once childrens services and foster care were involved, it was a huge battle to get the children back. I'm not saying don't do it, because you need to do what you need to do to keep your little guy as safe as possible. BUT if you've got a family member who can take over care of him instead of involving social services, it will be much easier to get him back when you're fit and well again.
18-06-2014 10:07 #9
It's great that your seeing your doctor. As already mentioned, be honest with them about what you are going through so they can help.
It might not hurt to call Centrelink to see if you can qualify for reduced fee daycare or priority for daycare vacancies. Your doctor may need to assist with this. It sounds like you need some respite and in the absence of close family and friends daycare is a great option. I needed this when my DD was that age, I had no one to help out and even without the mental health issues you are dealing with I found it hard to cope without a 'day off' from parenting now and then.
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18-06-2014 10:32 #10-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Good on you for reaching out to your doctor. That shows you are a good mum, you're just having a rough time. Form memory you've had sleep issues with your toddler.. I can imagine sleep deprivation would make ANYONE feel shocking, it doesn't mean you are not a good mum.
Good luck tomorrow with your doctor. Pp had a great idea: look into putting your DS in daycare full time for a break... Your GP might be able to help you get priority funding. Parenting skills seminars through relationships Australia may also be useful.
I'm trying I figure out how to best say this without making you upset, because that is Absolutley not my intention. I know it's difficult at the moment to know what to do with a tantruming toddler. However I feel putting your foot down with your hubby and demanding he not hit your child in anger is something you could be and should be doing for your child. Your child needs you.
Hang in there. Xx
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