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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by SHAELEEJANE View Post
    You have no problem with the care they receive its just you personally don't like being away for that time? I would say he also hates the other five nights he doesn't have them!
    I don't see a problem with an 8 month old staying over two nights at all......possibly you need to seek help to deal with it.
    Possibly you just need to stick to topics you have a clue about.

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  3. #12
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    I was pregnant with DS2 when I split with my ex. Initially exH would come to my place and spend time with him between feeds (as I was breast feeding). Eventually that led to him taking him out for the a few hours at a time. I think at around 6 months he had day visits. I think at around 8 months he was having him overnights maybe two nights a fortnight. It didn't take long though until he had him 4 nights a fortnight (same time he had DS1 for who was 3).

    I understand how you are feeling in terms of missing bub. I felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. I really struggled .... But I also wanted him to be able to form a bind with his dad. I didn't want to take that opportunity away from him based on my own personal feelings of missing him. I'm glad I persevered. He is now 3 and absolutely loves his dad. Both DS1 (now 6) and DS2 (now 3) love both of the homes and parents and it's quite smooth sailing for them going from one place to the other.

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  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by clucky14 View Post
    I am newly single and have a question do I have the right to say when my ex takes my 9 month old ? She is 8 months old and he has her two nights a week . I really miss her during this time so much I end up in tears after I leave her. I worry as she is so little still. I don't have an issue with Him having her one whole day then stay one night and also the following day as this allows me to work two days but two nights away from me in a row is a lot. He does shift work so can't really pick other days to have off.
    Overnight stays away from their primary caregiver is a big deal for infants and young children especially under the age of 4. It's disruptive to their regular pattern. That's why you feel awful about it, because you already instinctively know that.

    My DS did not sleep over at his dads at all as a baby and now he is 3 he has started to about once a fortnight. But his dad did and always has seen him regularly during the day.

    I haven't checked but crankyoldcow added some links and I'm guessing one of them is a link to an article I'm thinking of that's been posted here previously which is a very good source for both you and your DD's Dad (the whole article is excellent but if you can't read it all now refer to objects 16-36 or so):

    http://www.legalaid.nsw.gov.au/__dat...ember-2011.pdf

    Here is one little snippet from the article regarding attachment and overnight stays which points out the importance of regular contact for attachment over overnight contact:

    " Paul Lodge tells me that when he lectures fathers on this subject about young children and attachment theory he says, “Don’t force it; the child will remember that distress and become increasingly distressed when with you.” Paul reminds fathers that formation of secure attachment relationships has nothing to do with night and day. Regular daytime is perfectly adequate to develop a secure attachment relationship as many a grandparent will attest. Overnight stays are not critical to attachment formation. It will be important to ask whether any symptoms of stress, (behavioural changes etc) coincided with the commencement of overnights or more prolonged separations from the primary care- giver...."

    Don't ignore how you feel OP, instincts are there for a reason. I've yet to meet a mother who does not want their child to have a loving relationship with their other parent. Things get messy when it becomes about a parent putting their own perceived rights over what is really best for young children. I agree with other posters, seek mediation asap if your ex is being pushy.

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  7. #14
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    As much as I can't stand my ex husband I'm not trying to keep her from him I hate him at the moment and I'm sure in time that will go but what he has done to our family disgusts me. It's not about keeping her away from him though he sees it that way, she is still very little and I worry how she will cope it's just such a hard situation do I let her stay 2 nights and form a good bond with him or risk all the things listed in research. Such a difficult one .SHAELEEJAnE thanks for your stupid comment! Maybe he should have thought of that before he decided to give up on his family ! Obviously he would have known he would see her less than every single day .

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    Quote Originally Posted by clucky14 View Post
    ?... do I let her stay 2 nights and form a good bond with him or risk all the things listed in research.
    Which research are you referring to clucky? I think you'll get an idea of what to do/how to go forward if you read even one of the articles/papers posted by PP's in this thread, also in the custody resources sticky at the top of this (single parents) section. Good luck

  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by SHAELEEJANE View Post
    You have no problem with the care they receive its just you personally don't like being away for that time? I would say he also hates the other five nights he doesn't have them!
    I don't see a problem with an 8 month old staying over two nights at all......possibly you need to seek help to deal with it.
    Sorry I am not a single parent but I feel that the quoted post ignores the fact that this arrangement may not be best for your daughter so please don't allow such comments to deter you from further looking into more age appropriate arrangements for your daughter.

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  11. #17
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    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpecialPatrolGroup View Post
    Sorry I am not a single parent but I feel that the quoted post ignores the fact that this arrangement may not be best for your daughter so please don't allow such comments to deter you from further looking into more age appropriate arrangements for your daughter.
    I totally agree. The arrangement has to reflect what's best and most appropriate for the child's age. Feeling uneasy about that does not equal a criticism of the other parent and the care provided, which is what I think OP was trying to highlight.

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