Hope this is ok to post here but I really need some advice from others dads as my partner is not coping.
We have a 3.5yo boy and a 9 week old girl and everything is going down hill.
My partner is constantly stressed and angry. He is going for a promotion at work which is great but is stressing him out.
Our 3.5 yo is challenging but mostly a good kid, he has been acting out at daycare I think because we are fighting almost every night. My DP thinks he is just being a spoilt little sh*t.
He claims to not be sleeping and its not from the baby as we are sleeping in the lounge at the other end of the house. He is stressing.
I don't know how to help any more, I have taken on all cleaning, cooking and organising of things for our kids and generally try to make things as stress free as possible.
We also have a mortgage and need to do work on the house which again takes up time and stresses him out.
He has started shouting at me and no 3.5yo is asking why he is grumpy with me a lot.
He never used to be like this and I want to help him feel better about things but I just feel like kicking him out.
(Last night was particularily bad - for the first time I over ruled him in disciplining our son. wasn't in front of son and I felt it was a wrong action for him to take and knew it would impact heavily on me which it did. (baby who has just been sleeping through for first two nights was so stressed from the tantrums and screaming she was up half the night and is near impossible to settle today, I am dealing with this alone))
Sorry for the long post but I really need some help before our relationship ends as its pretty much on its last legs
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15-06-2014 10:33 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2010
Help Please- Dad not coping
15-06-2014 22:11 #2
I have no helpful advice, but I'm bumping this thread hoping someone can help.
I hope you can find a way to help your partner & save your relationship.
17-06-2014 12:58 #3
Could it be PND? Men get it too!
Does he have really good periods then other periods when he is not good?
18-06-2014 10:34 #4
This is not an unusual story. Life is hard without having little ones around but having them is the joy of life.
The main thing is to focus on the things you both can change and not trying to get the kids to be perfect as that will only drive him (or any parent) mad!
Kids will be kids, some are noisy, some are quiet, some are cheeky and some are lovely but almost all of them are all of these things at one stage or another and parents have little control over which kid you might get. If your DP could accept that then hopefully their actions will wash over him a little more and stress him less.
Men are not always great communicators!!! It might be a good idea to sit down with him and have a conversation because before you do anything else you both need to get a good night's sleep!!! Sleep is key!!!
Perhaps the reno's can wait, perhaps he has another issue he is not telling you. Until you have a conversation with him to identify the issues the great things you are doing to make his life stress free may be wasted.
You have to communicate.
It is possible some of the things you are doing (like sleeping at the other end of the house) while designed to help him might be having a different affect. Not saying it is but until you have a discussion it is possible. A couple of small changes might be all it takes.
Parenting is a partnership. And the best partnerships require clear communication. Perhaps organnise a time when a relative can look after the kids so you can have an hour or so to have a chat. No distractions! Come up with some plans to start making things better.
It will not happen straight away and you might need to plan to have a weekly meeting on things to sort out until you are back on track but it is a good place to start.
Good luck, hoping you are both happier soon
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18-08-2014 13:52 #5
So you and bub are already sleeping in a separate room? I had to do that with hubby he is a terrible sleeper.
Can he stay at someone else's house for a few days for a break?
Have you asked him if there is anything else you can do to help him?
Is there anything that he can cut down on to ease stress?
He could also feel unhelpful & guilty. You're the boss in the house when it comes to caring for the kids and know how to look after the newborn and he may feel useless or feel that you aren't allowing him to figure out how to care for the kids himself (hence he is trying to discipline) so maybe give the newborn to him for a cuddle etc at night and go off with your toddler and read a book etc, a bit of a cuddle and appreciating the little things in life may be good for him and calm him.
It really does sound like he is just finding it all a bit much right now and you have way too much on your hands to help but there's still some things you can do and say to ease his tension. Does he play any sport? My husband rides a bike and he is very happy if he can do that really helps with his stress. My husband is usually cruisy but turned into a major stressball when my son was a newborn and he got over it, hopefully it will pass. I'm usually the stress head - but our newborn had the opposite effect on me. Who knows what he will be like when #2 arrives!
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