This is by I gave DS my surname. It was very important to me that DS shares my name and identity as I am his mother.
I know most women don't mind giving up their family name but I've never been comfortable with the idea that a woman should change her name to the man's name and that all children should have their dad's surname. To me it's old-fashioned inequality that carries on this idea that the male is the head of the household and thus his family name is more important. It isn't, so I don't subscribe to it.
I am so happy DS has my name, he has his dads name as a middle name too.
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14-06-2014 07:47 #41
14-06-2014 08:14 #42
I gave DS1 DF's last name and didn't really think twice about it until I had DS2 and realised I really like my surname and probably won't be keeping it when we get married so we decided to give DS2 my surname as his middle name. It is a name that has started to be used as a first name so it sounds normal.
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14-06-2014 08:52 #43
When I was pregnant with DS I was adamant he would have my surname, as I have 9 cousins with the same surname, but only 3 are males and all bar 1 are unlikely to have children. Also, although DP's siblings only have girls they have an extremely common surname. I love my surname, it is Dutch and uncommon in Australia. It is also a link to my amazing grandfather. When DS was born preggo hormones got the best of me and I agreed to hyphenate our surnames for our son (yep, officially bogans now ) and when he is older if he wants to drop one that is his choice.
14-06-2014 10:33 #44
my mum has only sisters so granddads family name would have ended with them. however mum kept his surname even after marriage and one of my brothers has her surname (myself and another brother have our dads). that way granddads name carries on ( and my dads will as well via other brother).
I'm glad she did this...growing up she said granddad got alot of slack from family and friends for not having a son to carry the family name but it didnt bother him...thats why she kept it..
I hate this ''family name will not be carried on '' business ...dont the tradition/ideologies etc that pass from generation to generation count!??
Even if the family name had stopped with mum and my aunts; everything they were taught by their parents that stand out for their family has been passed on to me,my siblings and cousins and I will do so with DD.
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28-12-2014 09:28 #45
My first post so I'm not really sure if I am in the right place and such.
I found out Christmas morning that I am to be a first time Dad. Over the moon!
My Girlfriend and I have started discussing everything in preparation and we have hit our first snag - Surnames.
She has a sister and no men in the family to carry her surname. Her father passed away numerous years ago.
My GF has requested that our first son carry her surname but then all subsequent kids can then carry mine. I'm not really sure how I feel about this, but to make it not about myself or her, I am also concerned about the kids.
Has anyone encountered any issues with children having different surnames despite having the same parents? Step children don't count. The issues I am concerned about are bullying of some kind, a child feeling left out, or the other kids seeing them as more special as they carry a different name.
I don't want to single out one child in a way that can make them feel singled out in their own family, or feeling more superior.
Thanks Guys 'N' Gals for any opinions or feedback.
28-12-2014 09:56 #46Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2014
Firstly congratulations on your first baby.
I'd be asking myself some questions like:
What if you first child is a girl and takes on a potential partners last name thereby negating the carry on of the name.
What if your first son is gay and doesn't have children or can't?
There are a million scenarios and a lot of options that may be right for you both.
Personally I would ensure my kids had the same last name (if I was not married - which would be mine).
Goodluck working through it.
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28-12-2014 10:50 #47Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
My Grandfather was the only son in his family, he had 3 boys, who only produced girls, so that surname has properly died out. But given we actually know the origin of how we got that surname (it was very very different about 5 generations before my grandfather) and that it was pretty much just made up, I don't think that anyone in our family is really all that sad about it.
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28-12-2014 16:03 #48
Just to clarify, I said first son, not first child. If this first is a daughter, then the snag is put off until a son is born. We may only have girls!
I don't think sexuality would have to much of a role. If my son were gay, there are options of procreation such as adoption or surrogacy (forgetting legal aspects).
i personally would prefer all out kids had the same surname.
But has anyone encountered any problems such as bullying from other kids both inside or outside the family?
Thankyou for your input Kitik.
trustno1, I understand your situation as you've explained it as my ex wife was in a similar situation. Her surname came from an outsider that had nothing to do with the family originally. Long story.
In this case we both have fairly long lines of Scottish and British backgrounds, so our names are fairly important to us. Especially to her as there are no males to continue her family name.
For now I am trying hard to leave personal feelings out. I am trying to make the best first decision for my child. Right now that's avoiding a possible bullying/superior/inferior emotional aspect due to a name choice.
Thankyou for your input trustno1.
28-12-2014 16:35 #49
I wouldnt do it. I would want all my kids to have the same last name, but i dont value my family name at all.
Its a bit wierd if you get married and the child is the only one who has a different name...maybe you could hyphenate both names for all kids?
28-12-2014 16:44 #50
I would want all my kids to have the same surname. I personally don't agree with the cultural practice in Australia of children automatically taking their Father's surname...which is why our children have a hyphenated surname of both our names.
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