Hi all. I have something that I'm finding is bothering me. It sounds stupid and I hope I have put this in the right forum but I am looking for some relevant feedback so here goes:
I read a book called "Heaven is For Real" - a book written by an American pastor claiming his son went to Heaven, met Jesus, sat on his lap, etc after becoming dangerously ill with a ruptured appendix when he was 3.
Although I do have faith, I was, and remain, highly skeptical about what was written for various reasons which I won't go into here as that's not what this thread is about.
What it is about is a premise that was made in the book about miscarriage as the author's wife had one when she was two months along. The author claims thathis son met this baby who was miscarried, that the child was a girl, described what she looked like and was about 4 or 5 as the girl was quoted to have said that she didn't have a name as she didn't get one and that she couldn't wait to meet her parents in Heaven. The boy was later found crying, saying he missed his sister and why was she in Heaven and not with them, etc...
I have had two miscarriages in my life. One at 9 weeks and the other at 13. My reaction at the time was that it was nature taking its course, that the event was unfortunate and upsetting but I didn't dwell on it as such. I processed it and moved on. My following pregnancies were full term and without incident. I have healthy, beautiful kids (that presently keep me up at all hours)
Now - gosh, I'm tearing up as I write this - now when I think of this part of the book I feel awful, as though I didn't pay enough attention or pray long enough...that somewhere in heaven there are two kids running around with no names waiting to meet me. Part of me tells me this is stupid. Just stupid. That the book was a load of crap, smacked of coaching and should be disregarded. Then another part of me asks what if..niggle, niggle.
Can I get some balance from you please? It's really bothering me for some reason.
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10-06-2014 03:37 #1
This is really bothering me - a query about miscarriage and Heaven.
10-06-2014 05:42 #2
Hi! I don't think the book is a load of crap and I don't think any part of your story is stupid either. We all have a mixture of beliefs. I believe that my babies in heaven chose me to be their mama even if for a short time physically and I named them all because I hold them in my heart and they added to the richness of my life experience. I have met my son Luc, who passed at 18 weeks gestation, in my dream and in fact he handed me a pink bundle a few days before I found out I was pregnant. Roll on 10 months later and I birthed my daughter. It's probably bothering you as you haven't completed the grief cycle. Perhaps naming your babies, having a special ceremony/day/event will help you honour and grieve them. Nothing silly or stupid about doing any of that.
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10-06-2014 08:22 #3-
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Read 90 minutes in Heaven by Don Piper (true story)
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Mrs Tickle (14-06-2014)
10-06-2014 09:47 #4
I think everyone deals with and copes with miscarriage differently and each individual way should be respected.
After all, no one here on Earth has all the answers.
I've had two miscarriages but I don't see that as two separate babies.
I see that as one baby who's having a hard time getting here.
That in no way took from the grief a miscarriage brings, it's just that we had time to try again so I focused on that as soon as I was ready to.
If things don't turn out this time (our last shot) then I will probably give the baby a name and see it as a little angel baby, but I just can't see those two losses as two separate babies.
It just doesn't fit for me personally.
10-06-2014 09:52 #5Senior Member
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- Sep 2005
It depends on what your belief system is. Mine is that it says in the Bible the dead know not anything . This indicates to me that they haven't gone to heaven but are sleeping in the ground. I believe that Jesus is coming back one day and that he will raise all the people from the dead , I like to believe that this includes miscarried babies.
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10-06-2014 13:04 #6
hi mrs tickle, everyone will have their own opinion on this. I haven't read the book you are talking about. my personal thoughts, I believe we are free to think how we want. I would perhaps give the lost children names, and spend a little time thinking of them. If you have some momento of the pregnancies keep that close to you. I would just do whatever you feel at peace with. Mark a date that can be your rememberance day. don't feel that you have to pretend that it didn't happen, and that you have not spent anytime grieving for your lost babies. If you enjoy reading search out other books that might suit your thinking better. Marie.
10-06-2014 13:31 #7
It depends on your beliefs really. I personally do belief in god and believe the dead go to heaven and look down on us. This belief gives me great comfort. I believe my mother is up there and looking over us and I often talk to her looking up to the heavens above, I believe I will be up there with her one day. When my mum died, my niece was born shortly after and has many of my mothers traits. My niece also used to talk about my mum before she was told anything about her, she even knew her name! So I believe in a sense that part of my mum lives on in my niece. No one can tell you what is right or wrong to believe in op, go with your beliefs and your heart. I also have had a miscarriage and see it as unfortunate but the best for the baby as something obviously wasn't right with the baby, because baby wasn't born I actually don't think he/she is in heaven as it wasn't actually born. I miscarried very early, had I miscarried later in pregnancy I may have thought differently.
Last edited by Blessedwith3boys; 10-06-2014 at 13:33.
14-06-2014 00:14 #8
I feel I need to make myself clearer. I didn't say the book was crap. There were just parts of it that activated the Bull**** Detector in me, that's all.
I also want to point out that I do have faith (Christian). It is for this reason that I found this part of the book triggered the guilt that I now feel.
I have moved on from my losses. What startled me I guess was that what I had pegged as false starts (eg. a person having a hard time getting here) were being portrayed as individuals with souls who are manifested somewhere. Thinking about it further I guess I felt affronted by that.
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14-06-2014 00:21 #9
14-06-2014 00:55 #10
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