Hi there. I'm an old time bub jibber needing advice! I've been divorced and separated 3 years. I'm currently in a loving relationship with a single dad with 2 kids. My two boys are aged 4 and 7 and his are 10 and 12.
We see each other without the kids mainly. Every 2nd weekend and every Tuesday night, plus he usually visits me at home one extra night per week. If we catch up on the weekends when we both have our children, it's usually for a few hour.
He tells me he's serious about me. We've been together 14 months. I am struggling with the shift between us being together and it's full on and then hen we have the kids we are distant. Sounds silly I know. I am wanting someone more serious but not sure if this will work out in the long run. It takes a lot of patience and maturity being in a relationship after divorce. The men are sometimes reluctant to move the relationship forward. We've discuss a commitment but he wants to wait for when our kids are older....he doesn't see the kids blending well ATM. He's from a strongly loyal Italian background.
I can't help but feel shut out at times and I struggle with being in a relationship that's part time in many respects . Am I being unrealistic? Can I expect a man to commit to me and my toe boys and one on the spectrum (mild asd)??
how long do I give this relationship?
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08-06-2014 17:30 #1
Relationship after divorce
08-06-2014 17:54 #2
I think every relationship is different.
is it fulfilling your needs in its current form? Can you suggest a small change to move forward without freaking him out too much?
08-06-2014 21:29 #3
If you're not happy with the relationship as it is, it's unlikely you'll want to continue if he's not keen on moving forward, especially after 14 months.
In my opinion it would be worse getting the kids to "blend" when the older ones become teenagers. I have 2 teenage stepchildren, one with asd, and I actually find it harder to deal with the other boy because he's so possessive of his dad. I don't know if all teenage boys are similar, but maybe this guy is concerned that his boys will feel resentful that they'll have to share him more with your kids if he gets more serious with you?
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