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  1. #1
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    Default Do you think it's acceptable for your kids to have older friends?

    DS is in yr 3 and has always struggled with making and sustaining friendships with kids his own age. He has recently started a new school and again, had this issue. He now has some friends- the thing is though, they are yr 5 girls! At first, I didn't like it- I wanted him to have some friends his own age but at least now, he is not stressed, he is happy and bright and coming home his normal self. I am just not sure if I should be pushing the friends issue or just let it play out.

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    I think it's acceptable, people click with all different types and ages.

    my situation worries me where it's a 6 year old wanting to play only with 10 and 11 year olds, but that's just so complicated.

    maybe they look out for your son and make him feel safe. It's great that he's happy, I think perhaps just seeing how it goes for a bit would be good.

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    Personally, I wouldn't push the issue. I think it's unfair to try to control someone else's relationships, even when it's out of concern. If there were obvious problems I'd follow it up, but not purely because of the age difference if he's happy.

    If you're really not comfortable with his friendship group though, I'd suggest trying to find avenues for him to connect with kids his own age. Or at least, for him to expand the number of kids he's friendly with so that if these friendships go poorly, he isn't left feeling completely isolated. So... sports, community groups, neighbourhood kids, classes etc. It might also be worth asking him whether he would LIKE to have friends in hi own class/his own age, and if so helping him to learn some strategies to approach/engage with other kids.

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    SimplyMum  (06-06-2014)

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    I would be fine with that buy I'd still be trying to foster friendships with kids his age. I personally would be concerned that he is just a novelty to them; so for eg are they really going to invite year 3 boy to their birthday parties? If not, whose parties will he go to? Maybe try and organise some playdates. Good luck.

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    I'm definitely fine with it. It's biologically natural for kids to look toward those older/more developed than they are. It's the best way to learn new skills, after all.

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    Yes but I think it's important they have friends their own age in their class also otherwise surely if they didn't it would be difficult for them in the classroom/playground. Ds is year 1 and if he didn't have friends his own age for example I think it would be difficult for him as the older kids are in a different area of the school, they don't mix through the day.

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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    I would be fine with that buy I'd still be trying to foster friendships with kids his age. I personally would be concerned that he is just a novelty to them; so for eg are they really going to invite year 3 boy to their birthday parties? If not, whose parties will he go to? Maybe try and organise some playdates. Good luck.
    This is probably my biggest concern.

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    I think it's lovely your DS has friends now and is happy. Like you, I wouldn't want to mess with that OP and I'd encourage it. If he is happy, then I think that will naturally lead to improved self-confidence and he will start making friends his own age too because of that.

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    I read your other thread where you were worried about him settling in. There are probably a few things going on here, but on the whole I would just let it play out.

    DD started at a new school at the start of this term. Her new friendships are still evolving. After about 1.5 weeks she had a girl who was now her 'friend' (K) and they could play together at lunch, then about a week later she came home upset because J had asked her to play and K got upset and said she wasn't her friend anymore (year 1 drama!). She now plays with J more, but still plays with K sometimes when K has no one else to play with. There are other children as well, but these are the main ones. It seems to change from week to week but the first person she clicked with hasn't ended up being her main friend.

    Since your son has only just started at the school I expect once he feels more comfortable he will make some new friends, probably from his class. If you continue to be worried, talk to the teacher about changing where he sits so he is near children he's more likely to click with (this is how DD became friends with J).

    I'd say the year 5 girls probably saw/heard about the way the older boys had treated your son and have taken him under their wing (very common behaviour for upper primary girls). Most schools try to foster an environment where the older children look out for the younger one (buddy's/mentors etc). There's a good chance they'll even help him to buddy up with younger boys (perhaps younger brothers, classmate's younger brothers etc).

    I also keep an ear out for little things I can do to help DD bond. Someone in your other thread mentioned making sure he had the 'it' toy (eg. Skylanders etc). For DD I give her a little bit of money to spend at the canteen 2 days a week because J always gets some money. That way they start their lunchtime together queing up at the canteen then naturally play together after that. I'm also letting her take the occasional toy to school (I'm usually big on not allowing this) as this gives her something to talk to other kids about.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ellewood View Post
    I think it's lovely your DS has friends now and is happy. Like you, I wouldn't want to mess with that OP and I'd encourage it. If he is happy, then I think that will naturally lead to improved self-confidence and he will start making friends his own age too because of that.
    So very true. This makes sense.

    Quote Originally Posted by Stretched View Post
    I read your other thread where you were worried about him settling in. There are probably a few things going on here, but on the whole I would just let it play out.

    DD started at a new school at the start of this term. Her new friendships are still evolving. After about 1.5 weeks she had a girl who was now her 'friend' (K) and they could play together at lunch, then about a week later she came home upset because J had asked her to play and K got upset and said she wasn't her friend anymore (year 1 drama!). She now plays with J more, but still plays with K sometimes when K has no one else to play with. There are other children as well, but these are the main ones. It seems to change from week to week but the first person she clicked with hasn't ended up being her main friend.

    Since your son has only just started at the school I expect once he feels more comfortable he will make some new friends, probably from his class. If you continue to be worried, talk to the teacher about changing where he sits so he is near children he's more likely to click with (this is how DD became friends with J).

    I'd say the year 5 girls probably saw/heard about the way the older boys had treated your son and have taken him under their wing (very common behaviour for upper primary girls). Most schools try to foster an environment where the older children look out for the younger one (buddy's/mentors etc). There's a good chance they'll even help him to buddy up with younger boys (perhaps younger brothers, classmate's younger brothers etc).

    I also keep an ear out for little things I can do to help DD bond. Someone in your other thread mentioned making sure he had the 'it' toy (eg. Skylanders etc). For DD I give her a little bit of money to spend at the canteen 2 days a week because J always gets some money. That way they start their lunchtime together queing up at the canteen then naturally play together after that. I'm also letting her take the occasional toy to school (I'm usually big on not allowing this) as this gives her something to talk to other kids about.
    Thanks for taking the time to respond and remember my other thread. You have made me realise that perhaps I'm expecting a bit much to come home within the first week with a bestie. I def think time will help with the confidence which in turn will help with the friends (and maybe a special "it" toy Hehe)


 

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