I would rather my daughter be in the safety of our home, where she feels comfortable enough to ask her boyfriend to leave if she's uncomfortable, than her be at a party or at the boy's house where some of that power might be taken away and she feels stuck there.
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05-06-2014 16:42 #21
05-06-2014 16:45 #22
I'm surprised by the responses too... I lost my virg!7ty at 17 to my then boyfriend. Mum and dad knew him well and really liked him. We were together all the time. When mum found out we were having s$x she called me a **** and numerous other names and didn't talk to me for a week (my mum had pretty much never been angry at me in my life, never called any of us names, and id never heard her swear...) I was very shocked! She calmed down obviously and apologised but i still wasn't allowed to see me boyfriend for a month or so (I walked the dog a lot during that month...) and then when I finally was, I was never allowed to stay at his place and he was never allowed to stay at mine... It took until about 19 for them to ease up, but we were still never allowed boys to stay...
But in answer to the question. I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to deal with stuff like that, I know I won't be as strict as mum, and my 3 eldest are boys. Dh also had a much more leaniant upbringing than me so I don't know where he'll stand... Lucky we have 12 years to think about it haha!
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05-06-2014 16:47 #23Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2009
No I wouldn't. But I admit I'm old fashioned, and I don't really care if I haven't moved with the times.
It worked for me so it will work for my kids too. I'm not stupid I know my kids will dtd but I don't like it whilst I'm at home awake in the other room. If they want to watch a movie, then doors stay open.
Plenty of time to have 'alone time' with partners at clubs or what not. In particular when you're only 18.
05-06-2014 16:52 #24
Nothing wrong with it in my own opinion. I was allowed to have boyfriends stay over when I was 16 (although we had to sleep in the lounge), and I have a sister who was 6 at the time. Was never an issue. Similarly, we are guardians of my 17 year old sil and we have allowed her boyfriend to stay over and they are allowed their privacy. I know what they get up to and to be honest I would mich rather it be under my roof and know (although be in denial lol) and have her comfortable to talk about safe sex etc, rather than her feel the need to sneak around and potentially put herself in a bad situation. We also have young daughters and it was never an issue havibg the boyfriend stay over. They knew when the older ones were in the room they wanted their own space.
The same will apply with our own daughters- if they want a boyfriend to stay over its fine providing they are old enough (16+) and we have met the bf first. Again I would much rather it be under my roof as oppsose to them sneaking around.
It would have been nice for them to say hello but thats teens for you- I was the same, my sister is the same, my sil is the same.... its not necessarily them being rude. I just liked being in my room in my own space most of the time as a teen and pretty much every teen I know is similar.
At 18 she is an adult and should be treated as such. Cant baby them just because of younger siblings.
He + Me = dd1 (july 2007), dd2 (july 2010), dd3 (august 2012), dd4 (may 2014)
Embrace the chaos
05-06-2014 16:53 #25
At 18 I was only allowed to have long term boyfriends stay in my room. Definitely no randoms though. Not that I would have done that anyway. However we had the etiquette/self control to spend most of our time with the family or watching TV in the rumpus room. We weren't holed up banging our brains out all hours of the day. Maybe they weren't doing that but still, having the door closed for hours gives that impression. When my DD is 18 I think I would let her boyfriends stay, but I would definitely encourage them to keep the bedroom activity to an acceptable level. I just think that's polite, after all even though she's an adult she is still living under my roof! I wouldn't go off with DH and close the door and canoodle away all day while the kids are home, not cause I have a problem with that but I just think it's a bit rude!
05-06-2014 16:55 #26Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2014
Yes I would give my 18 year old that much privacy. At 16 I was having sleep overs at my boyfriend's house...he lived by himself. We were living together when I was 18. I find it weird when people have teenagers (16/17+) in serious relationships and insist that doors remain open etc. It just wasn't like that for me growing up at all.
05-06-2014 17:06 #27
So you weren't staying/visiting, just picking up her younger siblings. If you were visiting then I would have expected they be social. But honestly, what did you want them to do, get dressed, fix hair and come out to say hello for 5 min?
At 18 i don't see any issues with this.
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05-06-2014 17:36 #28
I don't see the issue.
My children will be granted as much privacy as they wish.
05-06-2014 18:17 #29
I moved out at 17 so got up to that sort of thing in my own house. but my mum always said she would rather we did it in the house than in a park or a car or something. I consider an 18 year old to be an adult, so yep. Doors closed and make their own decisions! Even with mum giving me those boundaries, I was 18 before I dtd any way.
05-06-2014 18:28 #30
Privacy at 18 yes, boyfriend in bedroom with door shut, no. It totally depends on your family values and what you've brought your kids up to believe. I get really annoyed when people say "they'll just have sex somewhere else", kind of like when people say "they'll just drink somewhere else if you don't let them drink at home". It frustrates me when people discredit young adults as though they have no self control and they're all going to act the same. It annoys me because I was a teenager who wasn't like that, I was brought up in a Christian home and as a young adult I wanted to only ever be with one person, and I have only ever been with my husband. We're bringing our family up the same. We have a value and that is that sex is something to be enjoyed within the commitment of marriage, so we'll have house rules that support that. Obviously I don't just take for granted that all my children will grow up to believe what I do, but under our roof we will maintain the values we have. If they move out then they will take responsibility for themselves. I moved out when I was 17 and my boyfriend's family had the same house rules.
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