Op, it's your baby, your choice.
It would be nice if others didn't disrespect that, but they do.
I would suggest to avoid upset and stress that you keep the gender to yourself.
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30-05-2014 23:25 #21
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Little Miss Sunshine (31-05-2014)
30-05-2014 23:41 #22Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2012
31-05-2014 01:43 #23
OP given your partner is close to his dad could he speak to him about your concerns? Maybe that might work to impress on her the importance to you that she not share the information?
Would you tell your FIL and not your MIL?
31-05-2014 05:58 #24
I feel bad for you. I hope your MIL isn't like mine, but I think she probably is.
My MIL has done so many things that have hurt me over the last 16 years but the two that have really stood out are
1. Telling my DH what my wedding dress was like before the wedding. (He is an only child and I thought I would include her in the dress shopping - only to have her announce to him over dinner what it looked like. I changed my dress because of this).
2. Announcing to our friends that we were pregnant. (After we told both sets of parents, she frantically contacted our friends to let them know).
We didn't find out the gender of our DD and only picked the name when I was in labour, but I know that she would have announced it far and wide had she known (regardless of our wishes).
I have had no contact with the in-laws for a blissfully quiet 5 years (even though DH and DD both have contact with them - I'd never stop that).
My advice is if you want it to be kept a secret - don't tell.
Good luck in your pregnancy and the birth of your beautiful baby.
31-05-2014 06:06 #25
As for unwanted advice on how to do things in relation to bubs, MILs love to dish that out (amongst plenty of others but MILs are the worst!). Plenty on threads on here confirm that. I just politely thank my MIL (with gritted teeth) and then usually do the exact opposite
Its something you'll have to learn to deal with, it's part and parcel of being a first time mum.
Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 31-05-2014 at 06:08.
31-05-2014 06:14 #26Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
I think it's difficult to tell some people and not others, and then expect it to stay a secret for months. What if you told people that the sonographer wasn't able to see the gender, but then maybe if it's so important to you you could just tell your palliating grandmother? But then you'd need to understand that she may also let it slip.
And then you said you'd also need to tell your mum, your DP would need to tell his dad and his grandma, and you'd also need to be hiding pretty much all your baby purchases from your remaining friends and family.... I think you'll be hard pressed to keep it a secret OP.
31-05-2014 06:53 #27
I'd not tell her. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect people to keep information to themselves. But I'm also someone who tells my parents more than what DH tells his dad. For us, it's the relationship that we have with our own parents. I'm close to
As an aside, I'm one of those who are planning on finding out and not telling people the sex.
Why? Because my friends don't want to know. I wasn't originally going to find out but I can't wait another 20 weeks. We don't do a nursery and we don't really want a shower so the whole gender neutral thing doesn't bother me. We already have a kid so we don't really don't need much else and I kinda like buying my own baby clothes. I'm also another who gets really excited when friends announced what they have and name etc.
31-05-2014 06:59 #28
Don't tell. Whisper it to your grandma with a wink.
31-05-2014 07:13 #29Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
We found out the gender and only told our parents. As far as I know, they never told anyone else, but it's still a risk telling anyone if you want it kept quiet. We told everyone else that we didn't find out the gender. If you want to keep it a secret from MIL, then you won't be able to tell anyone on your DH's side of the family as you can't expect your FIL to keep a secret from his wife.
We had a neutral nursery and kept all the baby clothes that were pink in another room. It's really hard keeping it a secret as it's so easy to slip and say he/she when referring to bub.
31-05-2014 07:32 #30
I wouldn't tell her anything else that I wanted kept quiet, period. She has shown she can't keep it quiet. I learned my lesson on this one a few years back when a friend blabbed some very private information about me to all her friends - I had confided in her and she knew it was a confidence but she didn't care. I'm no longer friends with her because I was so hurt, I know you can't cut your mil off like that OP but if she won't respect your wishes then too bad, so sad.
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