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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by firsttimemum34 View Post
    I think it's perfectly reasonable to request that family keeps a secret. It doesn't matter if anyone thinks Op's secret is silly. It's hers and her DPs to have.
    If the family can't or won't abide by your wishes, tell them nothing. Your MiL only has herself to blame if she has to wait to find out anymore.
    Also agree with previous poster, set boundaries now!!!
    But it's not a secret once you tell about 6 other people.

    Yeah it sucks but doesn't surprise me. My parents had had 4 grand kids by the time I had my children and I'm sooooo glad the others broke them in. I know there were times they definitely crossed the line and it caused a lot of hassle and heartache. Your inlaws are about to embark on a big learning curve so there are bound to be bumps along the way.

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  3. #12
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    I wouldn't tell her the gender. She has already shown that she won't respect your wishes. I would also tell her why you aren't telling her so she knows your serious now and hopefully will learn that what you both decide goes as far as your baby is concerned. Grandparents can be lovely as long as they realise they are the grand parent not the parent.

    Sent from my telecommunications device.

  4. #13
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    Definately set boundaries now. My inlaws just presumed everything without running it past us when bub came along which has caused hiccups.

    I think it's disrespectful of her not to keep your secret when you specifically asked. If I was you I wouldn't be telling her anything further but thats just me.

  5. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by tadpoles View Post
    I wouldn't tell her the gender. She has already shown that she won't respect your wishes. I would also tell her why you aren't telling her so she knows your serious now and hopefully will learn that what you both decide goes as far as your baby is concerned. Grandparents can be lovely as long as they realise they are the grand parent not the parent.

    Sent from my telecommunications device.
    Sorry but I don't think you can pick and choose which grandparents are told. You're setting yourself up for a really unhealthy relationship with your inlaws if you tell your parents but not your partner's parents. I realise she has shown she doesn't deserve to be trusted but I personally think that's a bit of a nasty thing to do.

    I wouldn't tell anyone.

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  7. #15
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    I don't 100% understand how finding out the gender and telling only a select few. Do you set up a neutral nursery, clothes and baby shower?
    We found out gender with both ours but kept their names a "secret". Something to announce with their birth.
    I personally feel you find out the gender for you and your partner only... Or everyone otherwise it gets messy. Granted it it your baby but grandparents do get excited and you would be upset if they didn't. My mil wanted dd1 her first grandchild to call her mumma.... That's a issue!!!

  8. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by winterbaby View Post
    My mil wanted dd1 her first grandchild to call her mumma.... That's a issue!!!
    Holy moly! That is an issue!!

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  10. #17
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    In a bit confused... What exactly did she announce at dinner that has upset you? You don't know the gender...

    With our 2nd we found out the gender but told everyone else we hadn't. I knew if people knew I knew they would get it out of me or I would unintentionally slip.... Maybe just tell great grandparents and leave it at that...

  11. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Meld85 View Post
    In a bit confused... What exactly did she announce at dinner that has upset you? You don't know the gender...

    With our 2nd we found out the gender but told everyone else we hadn't. I knew if people knew I knew they would get it out of me or I would unintentionally slip.... Maybe just tell great grandparents and leave it at that...
    I was confused at first too. I gather she announced the names (both girl and boy as they don't know the sex yet)

  12. #19
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    I think to save the headache, you may need to come to a decision to tell all or none. Id be going with all and being done with it due to your circumstance with your grandmother. I think it might be too risky to expect excited grandparents to keep it a secret and you might be setting yourself up for a let down with that, and IMO - unnecessary upset. I personally don't understand why people find out the sex but then keep it a secret. I feel the surprise of the gender means more to the actual parents, than anyone else. But that's just MO.

  13. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blessed Be View Post
    I think to save the headache, you may need to come to a decision to tell all or none. Id be going with all and being done with it due to your circumstance with your grandmother. I think it might be too risky to expect excited grandparents to keep it a secret and you might be setting yourself up for a let down with that, and IMO - unnecessary upset. I personally don't understand why people find out the sex but then keep it a secret. I feel the surprise of the gender means more to the actual parents, than anyone else. But that's just MO.
    i don't think it does... i love the surprise of finding out a new friend's baby. if you know the sex already, it's like 'oh, they've had their little boy/girl'. you gush over the name, but you already knew what they were having, so it's no surprise. If you don't know, it's like 'they've had a little boy! so exciting!'. and if you know the gender and the name, it's like 'oh, so Jake has been born now' and it doesn't feel like news at all.

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