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  1. #1
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    Default Robbing Peter to pay poor.....friend asked for $50 as she had no money for food

    A friend of mine contacted me yesterday to tell me she had no money to buy food and asked for $50. I asked why she had no money. She has her two grandchildren in her care, is on DSP and has her son(who isn't employed living with her). Her other son has moved out and is living with two others and pays $160 a week in rent. He left his job a few months ago and she is paying his rent. Somehow she has managed to borrow money from her daughter but has now asked me for money. I told her that she cannot deprive her two grandchildren of food and needs to get some other welfare help. She is afraid they will remove the children. I am in a dilemma as she has told me she can't pay back the Fifty(I am ok about that) but she will be requiring more money. I am angry with her for looking after her unemployed son but then feel sorry for the kids. Any suggestions? I cannot continue to give money.

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    Could you advise her to seek help from the salvos or another charity? Maybe go with her to ensure she gets some grocery money?

    Instead of giving her money and you feel you want to help, maybe buy a cheap fruit and veg box and drop that around instead? The local uni here does them for about $15 each week.


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    Are you worried she wouldn't spend the money on food or just dont want her to bludge off you in general?

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    peppertrees2014  (29-05-2014)

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    Give her the money. She sounds like she is desperate and may well have struggled with the decision to even ask you. Don't make it a regular thing, but do give if you can afford to.
    By the way I'm not sure what the title refers to? Who is Peter and who is Paul?

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    Quote Originally Posted by TreeGirl View Post
    Give her the money. She sounds like she is desperate and may well have struggled with the decision to even ask you. Don't make it a regular thing, but do give if you can afford to.
    By the way I'm not sure what the title refers to? Who is Peter and who is Paul?
    Have you never heard the saying "borrow from peter to pay paul".... basically borrowing from one person to pay another (or pay for another)

    OP:..... you cant help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
    It would be different if she was waiting on centrelink to kick in, or if she desperately needed money to help her or her son get a job (ie bus fare money/ interview wear etc)..... but you cant support her as an ongoing thing and she cant just keep borrowing from friends. Its impossible to live like that. She needs to sort her stuff out.

    The govt will not take the kids. From my friend who used to work for child protective services, their NUMBER ONE goal is keeping kids with their family in a stable environment. So unless they are being severely and hugely neglected and abused, there is no chance they will be taken.

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    Quote Originally Posted by TreeGirl View Post
    Give her the money. She sounds like she is desperate and may well have struggled with the decision to even ask you. Don't make it a regular thing, but do give if you can afford to.
    By the way I'm not sure what the title refers to? Who is Peter and who is Paul?
    sorry it is an expression..

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    Quote Originally Posted by AngelicHobgoblin View Post
    Are you worried she wouldn't spend the money on food or just dont want her to bludge off you in general?

    A bit of both. She has borrowed before

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    Quote Originally Posted by Atlantic Puffin View Post
    Have you never heard the saying "borrow from peter to pay paul".... basically borrowing from one person to pay another (or pay for another)

    OP:..... you cant help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
    It would be different if she was waiting on centrelink to kick in, or if she desperately needed money to help her or her son get a job (ie bus fare money/ interview wear etc)..... but you cant support her as an ongoing thing and she cant just keep borrowing from friends. Its impossible to live like that. She needs to sort her stuff out.

    The govt will not take the kids. From my friend who used to work for child protective services, their NUMBER ONE goal is keeping kids with their family in a stable environment. So unless they are being severely and hugely neglected and abused, there is no chance they will be taken.
    I agree. I can't continue to give.

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    Quote Originally Posted by peppertrees2014 View Post
    I agree. I can't continue to give.
    Tell her that. You have your own family to support and bills to pay. Give her some contact details for your local salvation army and even ring them and ask for a direct name/contact who she can call to avoid the chase around.... then kindly tell her that its a hard situation but you know she understands you cant afford to keep giving to her anymore.

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    What a difficult situation to be in. If you are okay with not getting the $50 back I would probably help her out this one time, either by giving her the money or purchasing groceries yourself and giving them to her, but I would also be very clear that I can not continue to help out in the future. And since she has asked for and is taking your money I think that gives you the right to (kindly) suggest to her that since she is struggling financially she should not be supporting her sons by paying rent etc, they should both be working and supporting themselves leaving her with enough to support herself and her young grandchildren.

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