How can he not see how difficult this has been for you? I am just so amazed at his behaviour, it's awful.
I could tell you what I would do in your situation (or what I would like to think I'd do) but you're the only person with the whole picture so it's entirely up to you. Just make sure you get yourself into counselling ASAP, either together or by yourself. This sort of experience can cause pain later on if not dealt with now.
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16-06-2014 11:43 #391
16-06-2014 11:57 #392
16-06-2014 12:39 #393Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
Brimm, I hope you get the courage some time very soon to leave this @r$ehole. I know you've been through a lot lately but you seriously can't be considering staying around and giving him another go, and I seriously hope you don't fall pregnant to him again. He's never ever going to be happy, I mean WTF, does a year or 2 really make that much difference for all these grand financial plans he has, does a year or 2 really make a difference in his nasty disgusting attitude... I don't think so. If he is treating you this way now, do you really think it's going to get better, I shudder to think how he's going to treat you when you're a mum at home with a baby, gosh he is just a pig. Sorry to be so blunt, but I've been reading this thread from the beginning and I just feel like I'm going to lose it reading all the cr@p he says and does to you!
16-06-2014 12:49 #394
Sorry because he has a COLD!!!?
Brimm, I don't even know if a word exists to describe his behaviour.
I am beyond disgusted with that comment. I really hope when you begin to feel stronger and move through all the stages of your grief, that there will come a time where your business and fixing the situation with your husband doesn't become a hassle but an imperative.
I wouldn't expect a complete stranger to compare a cold with a miscarriage, let alone an acquaintance, a colleague or a friend but for someone who promised to love and respect you for the rest of your lives together to compare the two, is an absolute travesty!
You DO NOT deserve this!
16-06-2014 14:48 #395
Bubhub can be such an argumentative divisive place. SAHM vs working mum. Bottle vs breast. Judging other mums.
Yet one thing we all agree on is your hubby is not worthy of you. I think that's a pretty big sign.
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16-06-2014 15:14 #396
There's nothing I can add that hasn't already been said - but I still want to recommend the book Verbally Abusive Relationships by Patricia Evans, it's not just about men who yell and get angry, which is most people's initial idea of what verbal abuse means, but it is about many variations of emotional abuse that many people consider 'normal' but it slowly undermines you and degrades you until you're left with nothing of yourself. It talks a lot about 'power over' relationships versus personal power and co-operative relationships. It totally opened my eyes to what was going on in my last relationship, and gave me a really solid understanding of what was going wrong, signs that the relationship could be saved, and when to walk away. I can't recommend it highly enough.
I know it isn't really comparable, but what your husband said about the cold is such a clear narcisstic trait, and reminded me of my last partner. He had borderline sociopathic NPD and at one stage I reached the point of wanting to suicide - it was all I thought about, fantastised about and planned. One day I finally built up the courage to say to him "I think I need help, I am very, very depressed and am having suicidal thoughts."
You know his answer? "Well, I'm not that happy either you know." And went on to list all his complaints about life - mainly financial - (he 'gambled' and I use that term deliberately) on the stockmarket and I didn't know at the time, but he was in massive debt through his gradiose fantasies of his remarkable stock trading skills. He also listed all the ways that I made him unhappy.
I was very lucky that I didn't exit life there and then, but I had enough in me to know it wasn't all about him, that I was suffering badly, and I received the help I needed. It still took me eighteen months of hell to finally find the courage to leave, but leave I did, and thank god I didn't have children with that man.
Don't know why I wrote all that, but your comment just reminded me of how low these NPD types can go...
Hoping you get some counselling soon to sort out how you feel about everything. One step at a time.
16-06-2014 15:18 #397
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16-06-2014 16:32 #398Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2012
If you choose to stay with this man. Please use 5 x the contraception, because I shudder to think, what would happen if you do actually have his children. From what I read, he is not worthy of any beautiful children you produce.
16-06-2014 16:41 #399
We're all here for you brimm xx
16-06-2014 19:01 #400Member
- Join Date
- May 2014
I'm a bit in limbo at the moment and unsure what to do. I am drained and exhausted. I am dreading going to work tomorrow too. It's going to be a long day tomorrow!
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