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  1. #391
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    Quote Originally Posted by brimm View Post
    I'm completely emotionally drained and just can't be bothered anymore. I went into my business last night and I was saying in my head "why do I bother." Got home and just cried. Had one of those days where nothing was working and heaps of drama. My husband has been okay, but I've got stuck into him on several occasions about his behaviour. He apologies but then says "but you weren't there for me when I had a cold."
    Say WHAT????!! A cold??? Is he serious? How heartless, disgusting, disrespectful, selfish...
    How can he not see how difficult this has been for you? I am just so amazed at his behaviour, it's awful.

    I could tell you what I would do in your situation (or what I would like to think I'd do) but you're the only person with the whole picture so it's entirely up to you. Just make sure you get yourself into counselling ASAP, either together or by yourself. This sort of experience can cause pain later on if not dealt with now.

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    Quote Originally Posted by hangingupsidedown View Post
    I'm not a violent person and I certainly do not condone violence of ANY form, but I really want to punch your husband in the face.
    I wanted to say this, but held off, but I tell you what, I feel the same.


    ⭐️DS #1 born 15.03.2010⭐️
    ⭐️DS #2 born 16.02.2014⭐️
    ⭐️Me=29 💗 DP=34⭐️

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  4. #393
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    Brimm, I hope you get the courage some time very soon to leave this @r$ehole. I know you've been through a lot lately but you seriously can't be considering staying around and giving him another go, and I seriously hope you don't fall pregnant to him again. He's never ever going to be happy, I mean WTF, does a year or 2 really make that much difference for all these grand financial plans he has, does a year or 2 really make a difference in his nasty disgusting attitude... I don't think so. If he is treating you this way now, do you really think it's going to get better, I shudder to think how he's going to treat you when you're a mum at home with a baby, gosh he is just a pig. Sorry to be so blunt, but I've been reading this thread from the beginning and I just feel like I'm going to lose it reading all the cr@p he says and does to you!

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  6. #394
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    Sorry because he has a COLD!!!?

    Brimm, I don't even know if a word exists to describe his behaviour.

    I am beyond disgusted with that comment. I really hope when you begin to feel stronger and move through all the stages of your grief, that there will come a time where your business and fixing the situation with your husband doesn't become a hassle but an imperative.

    I wouldn't expect a complete stranger to compare a cold with a miscarriage, let alone an acquaintance, a colleague or a friend but for someone who promised to love and respect you for the rest of your lives together to compare the two, is an absolute travesty!

    You DO NOT deserve this!


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    Bubhub can be such an argumentative divisive place. SAHM vs working mum. Bottle vs breast. Judging other mums.

    Yet one thing we all agree on is your hubby is not worthy of you. I think that's a pretty big sign.

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    Quote Originally Posted by brimm View Post
    I'm completely emotionally drained and just can't be bothered anymore. I went into my business last night and I was saying in my head "why do I bother." Got home and just cried. Had one of those days where nothing was working and heaps of drama. My husband has been okay, but I've got stuck into him on several occasions about his behaviour. He apologies but then says "but you weren't there for me when I had a cold."
    Oh hon, what a horrible time you've been through... Have you had your first counselling session yet? Are you going alone first or with hubby?

    There's nothing I can add that hasn't already been said - but I still want to recommend the book Verbally Abusive Relationships by Patricia Evans, it's not just about men who yell and get angry, which is most people's initial idea of what verbal abuse means, but it is about many variations of emotional abuse that many people consider 'normal' but it slowly undermines you and degrades you until you're left with nothing of yourself. It talks a lot about 'power over' relationships versus personal power and co-operative relationships. It totally opened my eyes to what was going on in my last relationship, and gave me a really solid understanding of what was going wrong, signs that the relationship could be saved, and when to walk away. I can't recommend it highly enough.

    I know it isn't really comparable, but what your husband said about the cold is such a clear narcisstic trait, and reminded me of my last partner. He had borderline sociopathic NPD and at one stage I reached the point of wanting to suicide - it was all I thought about, fantastised about and planned. One day I finally built up the courage to say to him "I think I need help, I am very, very depressed and am having suicidal thoughts."

    You know his answer? "Well, I'm not that happy either you know." And went on to list all his complaints about life - mainly financial - (he 'gambled' and I use that term deliberately) on the stockmarket and I didn't know at the time, but he was in massive debt through his gradiose fantasies of his remarkable stock trading skills. He also listed all the ways that I made him unhappy.

    I was very lucky that I didn't exit life there and then, but I had enough in me to know it wasn't all about him, that I was suffering badly, and I received the help I needed. It still took me eighteen months of hell to finally find the courage to leave, but leave I did, and thank god I didn't have children with that man.

    Don't know why I wrote all that, but your comment just reminded me of how low these NPD types can go...

    Hoping you get some counselling soon to sort out how you feel about everything. One step at a time.
    xxxxx

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  12. #397
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    Quote Originally Posted by brimm View Post
    I'm completely emotionally drained and just can't be bothered anymore. I went into my business last night and I was saying in my head "why do I bother." Got home and just cried. Had one of those days where nothing was working and heaps of drama. My husband has been okay, but I've got stuck into him on several occasions about his behaviour. He apologies but then says "but you weren't there for me when I had a cold."
    He compared losing a child to a cold? I know my previous post said I hope things work out and in a way I still do because I hope they work in the sense that you see this man is a self centred arrogant ******* and that you deserve so much more!!! As someone who has lost 3 children I find it horribly insensitive and down right insulting that he would make this comparison and he isn't even my husband so I would hate to think how you must feel. Please stay strong and grow stronger to the point you realise you deserve so much more then he seems willing to give. What if by chance you fall pregnant again in a month or 2 will he react the same way? And what if he isn't "ready" for 3 more years and you fall pregnant a few times in this period will he try and force you to abort each and every time? I am not trying to be mean or harsh but these are questions you need to ask yourself as well as after all this are your feelings still the same for this man? Don't just answer on a whim take the time to soul search and look deep inside for the answer.

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  14. #398
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    If you choose to stay with this man. Please use 5 x the contraception, because I shudder to think, what would happen if you do actually have his children. From what I read, he is not worthy of any beautiful children you produce.

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    We're all here for you brimm xx

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    Quote Originally Posted by mumbron View Post
    We're all here for you brimm xx
    Thank you everyone. Leisylou, thank you for taking the time to post your message. I read it and re-read it, it certainly made me think about everything.

    I'm a bit in limbo at the moment and unsure what to do. I am drained and exhausted. I am dreading going to work tomorrow too. It's going to be a long day tomorrow!


 

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