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  1. #1
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    Default For parents with large families, how do you maintain your identity?

    I am only a mother of two at the moment, but I am wanting to have 4-5 kids. With my second turning 2, I am fast being swallowed by the feelings that I have no identity other than picking up, cleaning, washing, and organising. Do you take time to do things for yourself, or are you content in wrapping your life and everything you have for your kids?

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    Honestly, for the time being i am happy being a mum and everything that comes with it. I am working part time, just to earn some extra money for our family. I also plan to study and further my education when our youngest is at kinder (baby #4 due in Nov, so not for another 5 years).

    I did feel like i lost my identity a little after #2, and felt pretty down about it. But i figured that being a mum changed who i was (i know it's not like this for everyone), and i embraced it rather than fight it. I don't get a lot of time to myself. DF is army reserve, as well as working his regular full time job, and that takes up a fair amount of our spare time. My time to myself is when i go to work. I catch up with other mums from school or kinder with our kids. I really don't miss my alone time much. Though i do have my days

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    Nomia  (26-05-2014)

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    I have 5 but 4 living with me. I've found that you go through cycles of feeling so snowed under that you lose yourself, but in saying that you grow more with each child you add and learn more about yourself I think. I had very similar feelings of being overwhelmed with just two, as opposed to four.
    Hopefully no matter how many kids you have you can always find the time to do one little thing for yourself.
    To me having a bigger than average family is everything to me. I'm pregnant again at the moment but she will be our last. If I were younger and dh earned more I think I'd have more.
    I never thought I'd have more than 3, but you grow into it.

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    KaraB  (08-06-2014),Nomia  (26-05-2014)

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    I have 4 (3 with me). I take one day out a week to do things for me and me only. Its hard not to catch up on things that need doing but I force myself to ignore things and get out and about with friends or work on my cars, anything that isn't kids and household related. I found it to be the only way to feel like I wasn't in a repetitive rut running a household.

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    Nomia  (26-05-2014)

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    I have four children and while my life most certainly revolves around my girls, I also.make time for me. I do two dance classes a week which is my saviour. Sometimes I offer to miss a class if the kids are being full on, but my partner insists I go as he knows how much I need a time out for myself.
    I would love to work or study, but at this point my girls are too young and it won't work out, so that bit is on hold for a while.

    Sent from my C6603 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Nomia  (26-05-2014)

  10. #6
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    I had 3 children in 3.5 years, the youngest has just turned one, and until very recently I was happy with "just being mum" it didn't bother me at all that I never did anythign for myself or ever had any me time, but just recently I felt I needed that little bit of something for myself.
    I was an avid horserider (owned, trained, competed, instructed) before kids, and just in the past 2 weeks have started having one ride a week at a local riding centre. The ride is in an indoor floodlit arena at 8pm at night, which means I can feed, bathe, dress and put my babies all to bed before I go, and then I don't need to feel guilty that I'm taking up any time I could be spending with them doing stuff for myself.
    Loving it

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    Nomia  (26-05-2014)

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    Interesting question. To be honest I am pretty well engulfed by taking care of my children. As a single mother of 6 with one of my youngest without a father i don't have completely child free time to myself at all ATM. I am really ok with it It just feels normal to me now. I know who I am but the me that isn't a full time mother in the extreme sense of the word doesn't exist right now. That doesn't mean it's gone though.

  13. #8
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    bunkx is offline Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections
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    I used to go get my nails done I had to stop due to money being low but in a few weeks I can start again, it's funny how something small like that makes a big difference to me I would go once a fortnight roughly it takes about an hour and I usually take an extra 30 to get a coffee or snack

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