Thanks ladies! I'm trying to pull myself up a bit but it's really hard. Thanks a lot for the reassurance that I will still be a good mum even if I do have to get a nanny - that makes me feel a lot better.
Special Patrol Group - the midwives aren't really interested. It took two months of calling them once a week before I'm assuming they just got sick of me & finally referred me to the Perinatal Mental Health nurse. All she could give me was resources, most of which I had already found on my own during those two months. They actually told me that there was no-one at the hospital who I could see or who could help me (when I happen to know there is a large social work department there, as well as mental health nurses), and then all of a sudden two months later there's a perinatal mental health nurse who I can see..........
Cue - DH tries to be supportive but he totally doesn't understand what an anxiety disorder really is so sometimes he just gets frustrated & makes it worse. I'll try to take him to a counselling session but I'm not sure if he can get any more time off work. I'll at least print out some stuff from PANDA for him.
I bought 'The Happiness Trap' yesterday so hopefully that will help
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21-05-2014 08:37 #11Senior Member
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- Jul 2012
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21-05-2014 10:39 #12Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2013
Oh hon, you're going to be a great mother. The fact that you're worried about being a good mother at all means that you probably will be. Your fears sound like your depression talking, I have been there. I just hope that you can keep in mind the real possibility that you will be ok and that meeting your baby will be thrilling, wonderful and you will be so in love with you buba and it will all be ok. You definitely still have time to feel better. It's never ever too late! I had a panic attack melt down in hospital the day after I had my baby and managed to get on top of it within a day even. Anything is possible. Do you have a friend or relative that could be around for support? I believe strongly in the power of people caring about you personally. Even if they don't feel like they can do enough sometimes just having someone there to talk to that you know is there for you no matter what makes a big difference. Huge hugs*
Last edited by KaraB; 21-05-2014 at 10:42.
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21-05-2014 11:37 #13
Hey @heartstringz, I'm really glad you finally got an appointment. It's definitely not too late. Everything that you do between now and the birth (and afterwards too) will help you get into a better head space.
One thing I took away from my PND workshop recently was that many of the mums and mums-to-be are putting unrealistic expectations on themselves of what makes a "good mum". They want to be this incredible superwoman who is the be all and end all of mothering, anticipating their child's every need intuitively. But, put in the simplest terms, babies need food, sleep, attention and safety. You can give them those things by breaking each day/situation down into one step at a time. It's frightening thinking of raising a child over the long term but if you break it down and be present (think about the here and now rather than too far ahead) it seems far more manageable. It's all those "what ifs" that the breed anxiety.
I really hope that you get something out of The Happiness Trap. It certainly started me off in the right direction. The exercises might seem silly/weird at first but keep practicing and I really think you'll notice a difference.
And if you don't bond straight away with the baby (this is something that I used to think about too) you've got time for that to happen. Think of it as starting a new relationship - you don't always instantly get along when you meet new people. You and the baby may need to get to know one another before you really feel that sense of love, and that's perfectly OK.
Let us know how you go at your appointment.
21-05-2014 15:52 #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
Im actually not as worried about bonding with my baby as I am about just being able to look after him/her. I tend to have a meltdown at the smallest things these days so I have no idea how I'll cope with looking after a baby.
I'll have support from dh for the first three weeks & from family (but everyone works full-time so it wont be all of the time) but im terrified about how I'll cope on my own once dh goes back to work. Only one of my friends has kids & she has just gone back to work full-time. None of the others know the first thing about kids or about being a mum. I was told the child health nurse will give me info about mums groups but that it wont be till the baby is around 6 weeks old.
Im scared about it just being me & bub, worried that I wont be able to give it enough stimulation because im really anxious about taking a pram on public transport, just generally worried about how I'll cope.
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Last edited by heartstringz; 21-05-2014 at 15:58.
21-05-2014 16:24 #15
Something that helped me get confident with being home on my own with bub was to send DH out on small trips to the supermarket during the time he was home with us. That way I knew it was only a short amount of time before he was back again if I felt overwhelmed.
As the others have said, wanting to have a bit of help with the baby does not make you a bad mother! It means you are able to acknowledge it can be very tough at times with a new bub and having someone to back you up means both you and bub will be happy and well taken care of - nothing wrong with that at all
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