Hey all, so as dd1 is getting more savvy, the good byes to her dad are getting harder. He visits at our house once a week for a day. She's a bright two year old and is starting to miss him and get sad when he leaves. He was terrible leaving in the early days, as he'd cry and get very emotional leaving while she was ok at that stage. I reminded him, keep it smooth for her sake. It's bloody hard. I try to keep it calm and painless. How do others go about this? Any advice/skills for both of us in how to make this not so traumatic for dd?? Or how to talk to ex about what to do? I just know in the morning she's going to wake up and be sad. Tonight, she made him sit in the chair then turned the light out on him before she went to bed.... I think that was her way of keeping him here. It breaks my heart, last week I cried as she asked questions looking so sad, I couldn't hold the tears.
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18-05-2014 22:37 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2013
Handling the goodbye.
18-05-2014 23:02 #2
I'm not a single parent, so apologies for crashing in here but I have a (hopefully helpful) idea.
I've seen in some newsagents a book that you can record your voice reading. Maybe if he, or you, got one or two of them and he recorded himself reading them it might help your dd for when her Dad isn't there. A sort of way to have him around when he isn't physically there.
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20-05-2014 21:32 #3
Firstly, I think you need to talk to your ex and tell him to get a grip. Yes, I can understand that seeing his daughter once a week is sad and saying goodbye is even sadder. But he is the adult here. He needs to get his emotions under control for the sake of your daughter. His behaviour is teaching her that saying goodbye is a traumatic experience, which isn't the right message to be sending.
Could you change to meeting somewhere in public, so that he won't make such a scene?
As for your daughter missing him when he's not there, is it possible to get a laminated photo of your daughter and the ex together, and keep it handy for your daughter to look at when she's missing her dad?
Or perhaps if you ex agrees to some phone calls/skype sessions during the week?
20-05-2014 21:55 #4Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2013
Hi yeah i totally agree with you nudge, I did tell him to keep it easy but he can't, doesn't really try, I feel like he's waiting for her to respond back in the same way to validate her love for him?? Does that make sense. I too need to watch my emotions, as she was asking the questions and I'm doing my best to stay cool and just answer with no great emotions put in it, but the tears just sprouted, I did pull myself together quickly and it was an opening to talk about being sad is ok. As it turned out, she was not too bad. She did ask after him and look for him, but got on with the day. She looks at photos on my phone and there's videos of him and her, she watches them.
She is a happy little girl, and yes, I don't want this to be so traumatic. I told him that this is her normal, so lets keep it 'normal' and I agreed it is effing hard, but we are the grown ups, so suck it up. My parents were separated also, and i remember how I felt leaving my dad, so it pulls at my heart a lot. I don't want that sadness for her.
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