Key element is choice.
Did the 8yo have a choice in the real sense or did they feel there was no choice?
Did the TA decide what charity parents/kids spent their money on?
Whether or not donating to a charity is a good thing isn't the issue.
I hate the "first world problem" thing. Just because something is a minor problem compared to famine, war, genicide, doesn't mean it's not still crap for the person experiencing it.
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09-05-2014 23:45 #51
09-05-2014 23:46 #52
To us it maybe a dodgy homemade hankie but to an 8 year old it's so much more.
10-05-2014 00:01 #53
I'm not saying brush off their concerns and dismiss their feelings, but I'd use it as an opportunity to work out ways to cope better in minor crises like this. If it were my child I'd definitely acknowledge it and chat about why they felt sad, but then I'd try to turn it around like a PP said, and point out the positives.
I feel bad for the teacher now - she would have thought she was doing the right thing. She's probably feeling terrible now after having an angry mob of mums attacking her.
10-05-2014 00:03 #54
ETA I'm not asking to minimise your opinion. Just interested if you have school age kids or not.
FWIW I wouldn't be rope-able and wouldn't say anything to the teachers about it as like I said I believe the intent was positive just badly executed. DD1 would have shrugged it off. DD2 it would have been the end of the world to her.
I don't see what it has to do with resilience. If someone is bullied out of their lunch money do we tell them to toughen up? I don't see this as a resilience issue at all. The child was disappointed. Those feelings need to be acknowledged.
Last edited by Sonja; 10-05-2014 at 00:12.
10-05-2014 00:15 #55
This was not the case, this was an 8 year old pressured into "donating".
Do we tell aunty Betty who had her "roof painted" for a "special" price by a door to door sales man she should have been more resilient ?
10-05-2014 01:30 #56Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
The only reason I was upset was because my child was. She's 8. I felt like she had been taken advantage of. She's well aware of charity and giving, but at 8, doesn't understand why particular charities are chosen, that she should request a receipt, proof of the person collecting that they are authorised, that when you give notes you rarely get change.
This is also someone who she is taught to respect, shaking a tin at an 8 year old and asking for money in this position, she would give it to you without questioning it. Had another child asked her, there might have been more hesitation.
We had a talk at tea about how she has done a great thing, and that $5 goes a long way to a cure and treatment for sick ladies, she understands that, to her though, she didn't get to go to the stalls and pick her ugly hanky or feral smelling soap.
I didn't join the mob of Mums, because it's been done. Without receipts, no one can say what their child gave etc. I do think that the TA needs to be briefed on a better procedure for charity collection though, and she will probably find that people are happy to give when given warning and a choice.
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10-05-2014 06:19 #57-
- Join Date
- Jan 2011
10-05-2014 06:49 #58
Yes I'd be miffed. The letter was misleading and made no mention of the fact the school would be asking for donations as well as have a market stall where kids could buy mum a gift.
Fancy asking ing kids to donate like that. What they should do is have a donation box for anyone who wishes to donate and let parents know beforehand!
On the other hand if it were DS I'd simply talk to him and let him know it's absolutely fine he put his money toward donation instead but since he'd actually intended to buy me a gift I will give him another $5 to do so. I'd tell him to speak up next time about what he wants and to not feel pressured.
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10-05-2014 07:39 #59
10-05-2014 08:40 #60
You feel sorry for the person who pressured a class of 8 yrs olds out of their money. Without their parents permission and at a guess without the schools as it wasn't a option for the rest of school and no mention in any note. Which really does make it sound super dodgy.
But the child who was taken advantage of should be build her resilience. Allow herself to be taken advantage of.
What exactly are you teaching her. It's okay to be taken advantage of. It okay for people to fraud her. Because life is not fair.
I know I would rather teach my child how to deal with a situation like this by fighting for her rights by making a formal complaint to the school. I like my kids to know they are important and that I will fight with them.
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