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  1. #51
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    Key element is choice.
    Did the 8yo have a choice in the real sense or did they feel there was no choice?
    Did the TA decide what charity parents/kids spent their money on?
    Whether or not donating to a charity is a good thing isn't the issue.
    I hate the "first world problem" thing. Just because something is a minor problem compared to famine, war, genicide, doesn't mean it's not still crap for the person experiencing it.

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  3. #52
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    To us it maybe a dodgy homemade hankie but to an 8 year old it's so much more.

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  5. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by maternidade View Post
    To us it maybe a dodgy homemade hankie but to an 8 year old it's so much more.
    But shouldn't we be using times like this to build resilience in our kids? If they fall apart over matters like this what hope have they got as they grow into adults and not everything is "fair"?

    I'm not saying brush off their concerns and dismiss their feelings, but I'd use it as an opportunity to work out ways to cope better in minor crises like this. If it were my child I'd definitely acknowledge it and chat about why they felt sad, but then I'd try to turn it around like a PP said, and point out the positives.

    I feel bad for the teacher now - she would have thought she was doing the right thing. She's probably feeling terrible now after having an angry mob of mums attacking her.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lemonpancakes View Post
    But shouldn't we be using times like this to build resilience in our kids? If they fall apart over matters like this what hope have they got as they grow into adults and not everything is "fair"?

    I'm not saying brush off their concerns and dismiss their feelings, but I'd use it as an opportunity to work out ways to cope better in minor crises like this. If it were my child I'd definitely acknowledge it and chat about why they felt sad, but then I'd try to turn it around like a PP said, and point out the positives.

    I feel bad for the teacher now - she would have thought she was doing the right thing. She's probably feeling terrible now after having an angry mob of mums attacking her.
    How old are your kids?

    ETA I'm not asking to minimise your opinion. Just interested if you have school age kids or not.

    FWIW I wouldn't be rope-able and wouldn't say anything to the teachers about it as like I said I believe the intent was positive just badly executed. DD1 would have shrugged it off. DD2 it would have been the end of the world to her.

    I don't see what it has to do with resilience. If someone is bullied out of their lunch money do we tell them to toughen up? I don't see this as a resilience issue at all. The child was disappointed. Those feelings need to be acknowledged.
    Last edited by Sonja; 10-05-2014 at 00:12.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lemonpancakes View Post
    But shouldn't we be using times like this to build resilience in our kids? If they fall apart over matters like this what hope have they got as they grow into adults and not everything is "fair"?

    I'm not saying brush off their concerns and dismiss their feelings, but I'd use it as an opportunity to work out ways to cope better in minor crises like this. If it were my child I'd definitely acknowledge it and chat about why they felt sad, but then I'd try to turn it around like a PP said, and point out the positives.

    I feel bad for the teacher now - she would have thought she was doing the right thing. She's probably feeling terrible now after having an angry mob of mums attacking her.
    Yes it's a VERY worthy cause BUT resilience would be if she lost her money and couldn't buy a gift.
    This was not the case, this was an 8 year old pressured into "donating".

    Do we tell aunty Betty who had her "roof painted" for a "special" price by a door to door sales man she should have been more resilient ?

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    The only reason I was upset was because my child was. She's 8. I felt like she had been taken advantage of. She's well aware of charity and giving, but at 8, doesn't understand why particular charities are chosen, that she should request a receipt, proof of the person collecting that they are authorised, that when you give notes you rarely get change.

    This is also someone who she is taught to respect, shaking a tin at an 8 year old and asking for money in this position, she would give it to you without questioning it. Had another child asked her, there might have been more hesitation.

    We had a talk at tea about how she has done a great thing, and that $5 goes a long way to a cure and treatment for sick ladies, she understands that, to her though, she didn't get to go to the stalls and pick her ugly hanky or feral smelling soap.

    I didn't join the mob of Mums, because it's been done. Without receipts, no one can say what their child gave etc. I do think that the TA needs to be briefed on a better procedure for charity collection though, and she will probably find that people are happy to give when given warning and a choice.


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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I'm struggling to see an issue. Kids were given $5 to spend on a Mother's Day present and they spent it on a donation/sticker which is still a Mother's Day present. If they donate it to a charity in honor if their mum instead of getting a crappy home made hankie or muffin then isn't that a good thing? If the kids regret their choice then well that's a good lesson for the to learn: don't buy if you don't want... If you don't trust your kid to spend the $$ appropriately/without getting upset, then don't send them to school with money.
    Its not like she spent the money on a tuckshop lunch. OP said her daughter felt forced into it. If the school wants to fundraise for breast cancer then let the parents know so that they can send children to school with the appropriate amount of change. Don't just have one teacher randomly fundraising the same day that lots of children happen to be bringing money to school for the Mother's Day stall.....

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    Yes I'd be miffed. The letter was misleading and made no mention of the fact the school would be asking for donations as well as have a market stall where kids could buy mum a gift.

    Fancy asking ing kids to donate like that. What they should do is have a donation box for anyone who wishes to donate and let parents know beforehand!

    On the other hand if it were DS I'd simply talk to him and let him know it's absolutely fine he put his money toward donation instead but since he'd actually intended to buy me a gift I will give him another $5 to do so. I'd tell him to speak up next time about what he wants and to not feel pressured.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mandlsmum View Post
    The only reason I was upset was because my child was. She's 8. I felt like she had been taken advantage of
    Poor munchkin totally understand why you would be upset.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lemonpancakes View Post
    But shouldn't we be using times like this to build resilience in our kids? If they fall apart over matters like this what hope have they got as they grow into adults and not everything is "fair"?

    I'm not saying brush off their concerns and dismiss their feelings, but I'd use it as an opportunity to work out ways to cope better in minor crises like this. If it were my child I'd definitely acknowledge it and chat about why they felt sad, but then I'd try to turn it around like a PP said, and point out the positives.

    I feel bad for the teacher now - she would have thought she was doing the right thing. She's probably feeling terrible now after having an angry mob of mums attacking her.
    Hang on.

    You feel sorry for the person who pressured a class of 8 yrs olds out of their money. Without their parents permission and at a guess without the schools as it wasn't a option for the rest of school and no mention in any note. Which really does make it sound super dodgy.

    But the child who was taken advantage of should be build her resilience. Allow herself to be taken advantage of.

    What exactly are you teaching her. It's okay to be taken advantage of. It okay for people to fraud her. Because life is not fair.

    I know I would rather teach my child how to deal with a situation like this by fighting for her rights by making a formal complaint to the school. I like my kids to know they are important and that I will fight with them.

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