DP and I are in the starting stages of building a house together so we are all up on the 'making decisions together' business, but seeing as though your DP has gone ahead and made huge decisions on his own accord about the house i'd say the 'togetherness' nor the money are his issues.
I wouldnt be canelling anything until he can sit down and explain like an adult what the problem is. If its because he genuinely wanted to choose them TOGETHER then i'd cancel the order and start again. If I sense its a controlling thing i'd leave the order stand as is.
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29-04-2014 10:30 #11
29-04-2014 11:10 #12
I agree with everyone else that it isnt about the money, its about control and decision making.
I understand from your point of view that you wanted it to be a surprise, but I also see his point - that if he made that decision without you, after all of your issues, you would be upset.
With this having been a major problem for you in the past, I would suggest it might be important for you guys to make any kind of decisions about spending (anything over a certain amount say) together.
How about instead of cancelling the order, you ask the consultant to come back out and actually make the decision about what you want together? Bring him in on the decision so to speak
29-04-2014 11:30 #13
I don't think his issues are just with money. He wants to control everything.
Seems like he hasn't changed at all and isn't going to.
29-04-2014 11:43 #14
It is your house as well and you are contributing fully. Anyone would love new venetians, and I think your husband's response was rash and silly. Don't apologise for doing nothing wrong.
29-04-2014 11:45 #15
Ignoring all your history and just based on the decision you have made to order the blinds without consulting the other home owner, I would think he has a right to be a little annoyed, but definitely over reacting.
Obviously taking into consideration all the decisions he's made about the house without your input changes things. But I think if you want him to always consult you on purchases in regards to the home so you feel like equal partners and home owners, then you should do the same.
I do feel for you though, he sounds extremely painful and very controlling
29-04-2014 12:10 #16
He has never considered you so why should he get his back up now. Putting in a granny flat without consulting you? Are you even equal partners in this relationship? It doesn't sound like it, I would never be so controlled like that. It's completely disrespectful and I would be livid if he spoke to me like that.
29-04-2014 12:37 #17
Agree with CazHazKidz.
I'd potentially be pretty annoyed if DP did what you did without consulting me. Whilst I understand the intent behind it, if I didn't like what my partner chose then I'd be disappointed that I didn't get a say.
That said, if my partner had acted like yours in the past, I'd be tempted to simply say 'screw what he wants' and do it anyway...not sure that'd be very helpful though.
How long do you have before the order's to be filled? Would he be willing to sit down and calmly discuss why he's upset?
Doesn't help much for this situation, but perhaps you could think about setting ground rules that you both follow. eg. any purchase over $X, or which will affect the look of the house need to be discussed.
29-04-2014 12:51 #18
Assuming I'm reading your post correct (sorry if I read it wrong) - he had financial control issues, you broke up over it, sought counselling, have put it behind you and tried again. However you are using his past behaviour to justify doing the same thing to him that upset you in the first place?
I do see it from your husbands point of view that when you forgive you move on with a clean slate. However I know your heart was in the right place and you were trying to do something special.
If I were you, I would just apologise and try to show him you meant nothing by it and that you meant it only as a surprise.
29-04-2014 13:22 #19-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
I would be ****ed if hubby ordered new blinds without consulting me. Unless we had the money and he chose exactly the same blinds that I would have chosen...
If you had wipes the slate clean and forgiven your husband for his past ar$eholeness... And he was behaving himself .... I would apologise to him (two wrongs don't make a right).
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29-04-2014 13:33 #20Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2009
Sounds like you both need to sit down and have a chat about your expectations of each other.
I wouldn't ever order curtains/blinds without running it past my dh but my dh would not dare decide on building a granny flat without asking me either.
I have about a $200-$300 threshold on purchases. If it's over that range I let dh know what I'm thinking. Likewise he lets me know too.
It was a nice surprise though, nice of u to think about surprising him.
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