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  1. #1
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    Default 123 magic

    Our 2 yr old dd has recently become quite difficult and I'm tired of the daily struggle to get her to do the usual things like getting dressed, brushing teeth etc. When its time to do things she will run away or just be defiant, its so frustrating! I wouldn't describe it as "naughty" (can't think of a better word) just difficult. Up until now she has been so easy and our house generally peaceful but these days her tantrums are frequent. I feel bad for our neighbours! I'm wondering if this 123 magic book would help? I get worried I'm being too strict over some things and too lenient over others. Any advice would be a great help. Tia

  2. #2
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    I've read the book but haven't personally used it yet as DS is too young. I use it in my classroom, and have also recommended it to a friend who was having issues with her DS. It made a huge difference for him - he is a highly intelligent, curious and reflective child who was ultimately craving strong boundaries. My friend was challenged by it as she felt it was at odds with her parenting philosophy, but she ended up being a big fan.

    Anyway, I think it's a very interesting read, regardless of whether you ultimately decide to use it, and has given me some interesting perspective and insights into children.

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    I haven't read the book but I count to 3 because that's what my mum did. It works!

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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsharvey View Post
    I've read the book but haven't personally used it yet as DS is too young. I use it in my classroom, and have also recommended it to a friend who was having issues with her DS. It made a huge difference for him - he is a highly intelligent, curious and reflective child who was ultimately craving strong boundaries. My friend was challenged by it as she felt it was at odds with her parenting philosophy, but she ended up being a big fan.

    Anyway, I think it's a very interesting read, regardless of whether you ultimately decide to use it, and has given me some interesting perspective and insights into children.
    Do you mind if I ask how it was at odds with her parenting philosophy? Is it controversial or something? I'm going to read it anyway but I'm just curious. You have sold me on it so thanks!

  7. #5
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    I have read it. It is interesting.. But it goes against my parenting beliefs.

    I was given it by my head of primary and I thought I would give it a go...

    Not for me


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    Quote Originally Posted by NebraskaJones View Post
    I have read it. It is interesting.. But it goes against my parenting beliefs.

    I was given it by my head of primary and I thought I would give it a go...

    Not for me


    You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
    Dr. Seuss
    Still mummy to Agnes Ronald and Beryl.
    Can you explain? Is the concept that you give your child a direction and if they don't respond count to 3 and at 3 they get a consequence?

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    I've read it and think there are aspects that are really useful. I think it's good if you want to have a strategy for setting boundaries and consequences. I would say it is better targeted for those more challenging behaviours and defiance. Definitely worth a read regardless of whether you choose to use the strategy or not.

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    dollypops  (26-04-2014)

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    I just feel if basically says do as I say with no talking or room for discussion..

    For me .. My parenting is based heavily on discussing and working out why there is the behaviour.. Rather than just saying stop cause I said so.


    You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
    Dr. Seuss
    Still mummy to Agnes Ronald and Beryl.

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    big fan here! DS responds really well to this sort of thing.

    Criticisms I've heard are that it just teaches kids to respond to your commands without learning WHY they should behave a certain way and that the time out factor is shaming/rejecting/humiliating.

    I think it's great for teaching kids that there are consequences for bad behaviour, that are consistent and predictable. The counting to 3 thing gives DS a warning if he has just forgotten or lost his impulse control, if he continues to behave badly it's his choice. And most importantly it stops me losing my temper or getting into a big negotiation/discussion with a 3 year old

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  17. #10
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    I also think 123 Magic is great for learning how to set a boundary, and be consistent with it. It is primarily for stop behaviours - things a child can stop doing in 1-2 seconds (yelling, talking back, mistreating possessions). The behaviours that you mention are "start behaviours" - things that can take a while to start and complete. Dr Phelan (the author) also has what he calls seven strategies for encouraging good behaviour and these are much more effective on start behaviours than 123. I think that these are at the end of the book too but I'm not 100% sure. I know that there is a separate DVD with them on. You may be able to find the DVDs at library.

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