Some people are very lazy with their friendships and just want everything to revolve around their convenience.
It's selfish, and ultimately the other person is going to get sick of being the one who makes the effort all the time. One-sided friendships rarely go the distance.
I was friends with someone like this. The deal breaker for me was when she texted me the afternoon before my wedding to say she wasn't coming for a really lame reason. I ceased communication from that point.
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25-04-2014 07:41 #11
25-04-2014 12:12 #12
I think when friends enter new relationships you need to give them 12-13mths for the friendships to return to normal. I didn't realize this but my BFF told me I was an absolute PIA when I met DH years ago. Sure enough when she met her now fiance she was doing exactly what the OP described. Then about 14mths after she went back to being normal and responsive. Now we have another mutual friend in this same new relationship stupor.
Give it time is my advice.
wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.
25-04-2014 12:34 #13
To a certain extent, I do. It can be extremely frustrating, although I always wonder how the other person sees it.
I have a friend who up until recently lived a 40 minute drive away. She didn't drive. She worked, lived with her mum and had no kids. I drove, but was on a very low income and had a baby. Whenever she wanted to catch up, it'd be whatever was convenient for her. Things I couldn't take DD to, things that were out of our budget, things that would be late at night when I was exhausted with a newborn. Anything I suggested would be ruled out.
She now lives interstate. A couple of weeks ago she messaged me on the Saturday night saying she was in town, and asking if I wanted to go to a movie on Monday (would have had to go massively out of my way to leave DD with my dad, then spent money I don't have on a movie to sit in the dark with her). Anyway I explained honestly, and asked if she was free any other time. The other options she offered were equally inconvenient, and she wasn't willing to alter her plans in the slightest. That would be fine, except I KNOW her. I know she would have been annoyed at me, thinking I wasn't making any effort.
If she were more willing to make an effort, then I would too. So...neither of us are willing to make the amount of effort that the other seems to expect. Guess we'll see how things go.
25-04-2014 12:57 #14Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
yes, I think a lot of ppl could relate. im still kinda friends with one of those but tbh its dying a slow death....I didn't contact this friend after one day she just stood me up so to speak at a coffee shop...took me a lot of effort to go out with 2 little kids being minded etc and she had no kids etc....some lame text message came thru but I was over her really by then....she was one of those who constantly asked for advice but never took it...ended up making HUGE mistakes in her life and I always felt like I was a counsellor more than in a reciprocal friendship....eventually she contacted me after a year or so..I sent her email basically telling her she needs to sort out her multiple problems in her life and I found being friends with her really hard when she was always wanting reassurance, guidance, advice yet NEVER took it,,was always putting herself down in front of me yet wouldn't change anything....she basically begged me to still be her friend and out of pity I did ....but yet again when we met up it was ALL about HER....and she started asking me for things that I was pretty uncomfortable with, money, work references (I was never her boss so ??) and immediately starting sending me stuff to do for her eg resumes....like HEAPS of stuff....I felt like her counsellor all over again..I feel sorry for her but I relaised I was only friends with her out of pity....I cant keep it up....I felt pretty manipulated in the end with the constant help me help me attitude .....
so its not pleasant but you should never feel used ..a true friendship is a two way street.
25-04-2014 13:12 #15
You've definitely done the right thing in cutting her loose. Ignoring your messages, when everyone knows you can see when they've been seen, is a clear indicator she doesn't care.
You've tried, it hasn't worked, let it go and move on. We've all been in relationships like that. It's so high school, it's got no place in the real world.
Some people go strange after you have kids. I just found out my friends have all gone away for the weekend together. I wasn't invited. I'm the only one with kids. It was to a winery and I don't drink, but 2/3 are pregnant so they aren't drinking either. I wouldn't have gone but it would have been nice to be invited.
25-04-2014 13:17 #16
Yeah but the thing is they've been going out for at least 2 years, there's no honeymoon period. She's never been like this with any of her other partners. So I'm not expecting her to randomly contact me one day.
25-04-2014 13:21 #17
25-04-2014 13:35 #18
Or you have got to love so called friends that say they're honest hate liars etc until you find out they're whinging behind you're back and so you ask them what the problem is and they lie to your face and say nothing but it gets back to you from others so you try and question them about it to sort things out but you're then accused of causing a drama cause you want to be the adult and talk to them rather then play Chinese whispers and the he said she said bs.
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