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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by River Song View Post
    I would def be doing it ASAP and doing your best to help the relationship along.

    Yes, notice is nice....but if you have nothing else on I don't see why texting a few days in advance is so bad.

    I would go to the park/indoor playground...and just introduce them and see how it goes. Don't make a huge fuss but refer to him as dad. Say hello etc...do you have a picture of him for your DD? DS always had one of ex in his room...makes them more familiar.

    When ex and I split things were all over the place...but, DS had the right to know his dad so as much as I could I went with it. If your ex has been asking consistently for months to see his child...it is not fair to withhold that contact. Send him email pictures regularly so he feels in touch and hopefully as your DD gets older they can have a good relationship.

    It is hard being the mum, and I had moment where i resented the hell out of making more effort than ex....but, i now have a 9 year old with a great relationship with his bio dad and a happy home here.
    He doesn't text in advance, until last week, it was always the day of, or the day before, and usually on a weekday, which is when I'm at work and DD is at kindy. Also, he doesn't ask consistently, just every second month when he's passing through.

    I do admit that I do have a lot of resentment towards him, especially for the way he treated dd during our relationship and after the separation, but mostly I'm afraid he'll hurt DDs feelings/ self-esteem by being inconsistent and flakey regarding their relationship.

  2. #12
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    I "met" my father for the first time (that I could remember) around 3. My mum met him in a local park and brought along all photo albums of me for the first few years of my life and pictures I'd drawn so he could see what kind of kid I was like. She stayed and supervised while dad and I played in the park... I saw him another couple of times then not again for 20 years.
    Some kids have great involved dads, some kids have crap ones (like me) but your dd deserves the chance to know him regardless. It's a hard lesson to learn but you need to accept that you can't change him into the father you know your dd deserves. Just accept what he can give and foster whatever relationship you can. As long as he's not dangerous to her or yourself, then I would encourage any interaction I could.

    My heart has always ached for not having a father......and I would of gladly had a sub standard father than no father at all.

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  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by RipperRita View Post
    I "met" my father for the first time (that I could remember) around 3. My mum met him in a local park and brought along all photo albums of me for the first few years of my life and pictures I'd drawn so he could see what kind of kid I was like. She stayed and supervised while dad and I played in the park... I saw him another couple of times then not again for 20 years.
    Some kids have great involved dads, some kids have crap ones (like me) but your dd deserves the chance to know him regardless. It's a hard lesson to learn but you need to accept that you can't change him into the father you know your dd deserves. Just accept what he can give and foster whatever relationship you can. As long as he's not dangerous to her or yourself, then I would encourage any interaction I could.

    My heart has always ached for not having a father......and I would of gladly had a sub standard father than no father at all.
    .
    Thank you, this is exactly what I need to hear. I wasn't sure whether a useless dad was better than no dad, or vice-versa. I guess I also have to give him the benefit of the doubt and the opportunity to be a dad.

  5. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by RipperRita View Post

    My heart has always ached for not having a father......and I would of gladly had a sub standard father than no father at all.
    Oh my, this is exactly me as well x

  6. #15
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    I agree supervised visits in a park so he can try to interact with her is a good way to do a visit for everyone.
    He just had to understand she won't be all wanting to play with him straight away. You may have to engage with general conversation so she can see you're not tense and uncomfy for the situation. Show that your fine and happy and she will probably interact better.

    My DS had regular contact with his Dad but didn't speak much, mainly nodded when he had his visits with his Dad. His Dad had to accept that is how DS coped and worked with DS as best he could.

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    Is it possible to Skype/Facetime with him for a few days/weeks beforehand so he's not a total stranger? Just set up a Skype call and get her to chat with him, or at least make his face and voice familiar for her again?? It might make it a bit less stressful for her to remeet him again for the first time in a very long time if he's not a total stranger. Then when you guys are Skyping, start talking about the park and everything your DD and FOB can do there.

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  9. #17
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    I'm not a single parent either, but I did grow up with an absent biological father (I was lucky my mum remarried and my step dad loves me like his own). Even though I had the role of my father 'filled' I still feel like I'm missing a part of me. I know my mum did everything in her power to encourage him to have a relationship with me and my brother which is really important. I think I would resent her if she hadn't. She made sure that we saw or spoke to him as much as possible, even if it was on a whim from his end, as it most often was. She never spoke badly of him in front of us even though he is a total scumbag (DV, unfaithful etc). I haven't seen my dad now for about 6 years (he just isn't interested) and I still think about him every day. From my point of view, I would say that it is really important for you to try and encourage your ex to have a good relationship with his daughter. She will get hurt at times, and he will let her down but she will know that it is HIS doing and not yours. Maybe I should stop being such a sceptic - who knows, maybe he will step up and surprise you.

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    So yesterday I took dd to the park to 'meet' her father. In the days leading up to it, we did lots of talking about dads and how "poppy is mumma's daddy" and "uncle B is L and A daddy" and "we are going to meet your daddy at the park".

    It went pretty well, I introduced her to the Ex and we all played together for about 15 minutes at the park, then when dd was comfortable enough with the Ex, I left them to it and sat on the bench to read and watch.

    Dd seemed to take it all in her stride and happily played with the Ex for about 2 hours. She seemed happy the whole time but hasn't mentioned him again since. I've agreed to take dd to see the Ex again tomorrow for a few hours at the library. After that he is heading back to Townsville, so we'll have to see how long it is before he sees her again.

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    Quote Originally Posted by nudge88 View Post
    So yesterday I took dd to the park to 'meet' her father. In the days leading up to it, we did lots of talking about dads and how "poppy is mumma's daddy" and "uncle B is L and A daddy" and "we are going to meet your daddy at the park".

    It went pretty well, I introduced her to the Ex and we all played together for about 15 minutes at the park, then when dd was comfortable enough with the Ex, I left them to it and sat on the bench to read and watch.

    Dd seemed to take it all in her stride and happily played with the Ex for about 2 hours. She seemed happy the whole time but hasn't mentioned him again since. I've agreed to take dd to see the Ex again tomorrow for a few hours at the library. After that he is heading back to Townsville, so we'll have to see how long it is before he sees her again.
    I think you did the right thing and handled it very well

  14. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by nudge88 View Post
    So yesterday I took dd to the park to 'meet' her father. In the days leading up to it, we did lots of talking about dads and how "poppy is mumma's daddy" and "uncle B is L and A daddy" and "we are going to meet your daddy at the park".

    It went pretty well, I introduced her to the Ex and we all played together for about 15 minutes at the park, then when dd was comfortable enough with the Ex, I left them to it and sat on the bench to read and watch.

    Dd seemed to take it all in her stride and happily played with the Ex for about 2 hours. She seemed happy the whole time but hasn't mentioned him again since. I've agreed to take dd to see the Ex again tomorrow for a few hours at the library. After that he is heading back to Townsville, so we'll have to see how long it is before he sees her again.

    I think you have made the right choice. Your dd is lucky to have such a great mum x


 

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