I was never going to have one until our engagement scored us about 5 more photo frames, and 3 different sets of white wine glasses plus other non personal gifts. We had only bought our house 6 months earlier but had been living together for 3 years before that so we had all that and more.
My poem was printed onto a small envelope so people could just put that into the well if they wanted but most enclosed it in their card. We had small and large amounts and I couldn't tell you who gave what, I can tell you what we spent the bulk amount on and we are still appreciating those items nearly 5 years later.
When I've been a bridesmaid and haven't had the cash to do as large a gift as I would have liked I have put in $50 and added a small gift.
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16-04-2014 07:21 #31
16-04-2014 07:32 #32
Each to their own like I say with everything else in life.
I'll contribute if they have one or I'll buy a gift if they don't.
We haven't used a verse in our wedding invites saying one or the other and we didn't at our engagement party either. We want people to do what they want.
We didn't have an engagement party for a gift grab either as people asked what we wanted and we told them their best gift was their presence for the night.
Some listened and just came, some bought cards with money/gift cards and some bought gifts. We had the best night with everyone there.
16-04-2014 07:36 #33
So some people who get married have a kitchen tea, engagement party, hens night some a wedding rehearsal then the actual wedding. In that case seems quite expensive if you are to attend and gift these individual events.
I personally find them rather convenient to pop some cash in a card for a bride and groom but if you've bought presents for kitchen teas and engagement parties before the wedding it does seem sometimes like a big cash/present grab.
16-04-2014 07:39 #34
Couldn't care less either way!
16-04-2014 07:50 #35Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
I appreciate the practicality of them and let's face it they aren't really that different to a gift registry.
What bothers me about them is the sense of entitlement some couples seem to develop - if guests don't put in enough to 'cover' the cost of the meal they are being provided with they are somehow being rude.
THAT gets my goat. If you want your wedding to be a profit-making exercise then just invite a bunch of rich strangers and be done with it.
16-04-2014 07:57 #36Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
We have received a couple of wedding invitations that specifically asked for 'no presents, we would like cash instead' (in one of those cutesy poems of course).
I find that really off if I'm honest. People seem to be forgetting what a GIFT is. I find it really rude to stipulate what people should give you.
Not only that, but most people don't seem to send a thank you card or even say thanks now... the whole thing just feels very, very entitled.
(Like I've said before, it's totally different if you asked what you would like).
16-04-2014 08:10 #37Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2011
The "I hate weddings" attitude shared by a lot here on Bub hub upsets me. I truly don't believe that any of our guests were put out by our wedding, or sat there critiquing our choices. We got married and had a big wedding because we wanted to. To share our love with the people that had shared our lives. It was truly the best day of our lives
Yes we had a wishing well. Yes we did a cutesy poem ggiving people options. No we did not have an expectation, or desired amount from everyone. We certainly did not expect to cover costs! A $40,000 wedding for 100 guests? That's 400 a head thanks! Anyone that has a wishing wwell expecting to cover costs will be disappointed.
We shouldn't be so cynical all the time! It's just a practical gift idea for couples that don't want 5 toasters!
16-04-2014 08:19 #38
I think the 'I hate weddings' mentality has come from the greed that weddings have become. When 100 people give 100 that's 10k!! that's enough for an overseas honeymoon or an extravagant reception. So while it doesn't pay for the whole wedding, it pays a decent chunk. Then guests are stuck with a grand each to be part of the bridal party, buying their own drinks, a fortune for hotel and transport, outfits. Then there is the big list of parties set up before the wedding - engagement party, high tea, kitchen party, hens night. All of which presents and money are expected. I think lots of people are just sick of it.
As to 5 toasters - all the weddings I've been to, including ours were defacto couples. Unless you are inviting strangers to your wedding, they clearly know you are living together and don't need toasters/kettles etc. They give nice platters, a painting, a special vase or a pair of good sheets. I have never seen start up household gifts.
Last edited by delirium; 16-04-2014 at 08:22.
16-04-2014 08:23 #39
I love them.
I would much prefer to give money so the couple can put it towards something they want than give a present that the couple may hate.
16-04-2014 08:28 #40
Love. We had a Flight Centre "registry" and asked for people to contribute if they wanted to give anything at all. We'd lived together for 3 years and didn't need anything.
We simply didn't need appliances or crockery and getting them would have been wasteful. Instead, people contributed to a lifetime of memories when we went on our honeymoon to Europe. Incidentally, that cost us $12k out of our own pocket. All up our guest contribution was around $3k which we were thrilled with.
And for the record, we paid for our wedding ourselves, didn't have an engagement party or a bridal shower, I organised and partly paid for the hen's and we didn't ask for a cent from our bridal party, we paid for outfits, makeup, hair, everything. Our reception was also a completely open bar. If people had the impression we were being greedy or rude then they don't know us at all.
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