I would tell her once you have your nee place under contract. I'd also give back the 10k so she cant hold that over your head.
Totally in love with our two beautiful little girls.
Feb 2011 and May 2013
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08-04-2014 11:11 #11
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08-04-2014 11:22 #12
Thanks heaps all for the advice!
Im not sure how much we will be making when we sell this house, we may not make much at all as we've been her just under 5 years and the area is crap. Nice houses go cheap here. I can't see us being able to give them back the 10k in one hit. We'll need every penny in order to get a new place, and my mum will know that. If she mentions the money and kicks up a fuss then we'll pay her off. I regret ever accepting the money. I wish we just stuck it out and did it harder on our own and stayed in the area where we wanted.
I just know when i help my kids, it will be so they can achieve happiness... not to do what i want them to do.
08-04-2014 11:23 #13
Yes also tell her be upfront and honest and give her the $10000 back that way you don't owe her anything and she has nothing to hold over you my parents hold so much over me even saying I owe them because they used to look after my son for me.
08-04-2014 11:29 #14
That money was a gift. If she wants it back then do it in instalments if/when you can but don't feel bad about it. I would have all my paperwork signed & then let her know after the fact. I cent really comment from personal experience but my very close friend has a mother who is very similar. It's classic Narcissistic personality disorder & you can't fix it. Live your life. All the best.
08-04-2014 11:29 #15
They gave my sister $10k also ... plus more i believe since then as well for credit card debts etc. But her and her husband sold their house, are renting and have blown all their money now apparently. Mum doesn't mind that though, she still praises them because it will mean they will need to lean on her even more and its in their best interest to let her be involved in their lives because they will probably need more financial help soon.
Last edited by Serenity Love; 08-04-2014 at 11:34.
08-04-2014 11:33 #16
You're right she can't be fixed.
08-04-2014 11:37 #17
I think doing it without telling her is game playing and would impact future relationship with her.
By all means move, do what is best for you and your family. But be confident and tell her and dont waver. Playing into games like this causes drama. Just be upfront and direct and if she tries to guilt you, remember that that says more about her and her insecurities than about you and your family.
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08-04-2014 11:39 #18
Does this sound familiar?
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder in which a person is excessively preoccupied with personal adequacy, power, prestige and vanity. This condition affects one percent of the population.[better source needed] First formulated in 1968, it was historically called megalomania, and is severe egocentrism.
Some people diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder are characterized by exaggerated feelings of self-importance. They have a sense of entitlement and demonstrate grandiosity in their beliefs and behavior. They have a strong need for admiration, but lack feelings of empathy.
Symptoms of this disorder, as defined by the DSM-IV-TR, include:
Expects to be recognized as superior and special, without superior accomplishments
Expects constant attention, admiration and positive reinforcement from others
Envies others and believes others envy him/her
Is preoccupied with thoughts and fantasies of great success, enormous attractiveness, power, intelligence
Lacks the ability to empathize with the feelings or desires of others
Is arrogant in attitudes and behavior
Has expectations of special treatment that are unrealistic
Other symptoms in addition to the ones defined by DSM-IV-TR include: Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends, has trouble keeping healthy relationships with others, easily hurt or rejected, appears unemotional, and exaggerating special achievements and talents, setting unrealistic goals for himself/herself.
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by dramatic, emotional behavior, and an over-inflated sense of self-importance that is in the same category as antisocial and borderline personality disorders.
08-04-2014 11:39 #19
08-04-2014 11:40 #20
It's gunna blow up regardless so have the blow up before you move and just let her know. Get it over with.
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