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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2014

    Default My partner's ex wife not letting him see the kids

    She won't let my partner see his child for more than a few hours and it has to be under her supervision at her house and when she has nothing on, so lately it’s been like once a month/once a fortnight and he has to leave after a few hours if they have plans etc. My partner has asked if Mitchell can sleep over now that he is on school holidays and she said she didn’t like that idea because:
    1. I have a dog (not a problem, my parents can mind the dog while he sleeps over)
    2. She doesn’t know me (she has met me heaps of times and i have been to her house heaps to play with Mitchell)
    3. She doesn’t know my family and what sort of people we are
    4. She hasn’t inspected our house yet, to see if it is kid safe (um wtf, Mitchell is 5)
    5. He isn’t allowed to sleep over at friend’s house’s (as she doesn’t know the fathers and they could be paedophiles) so why should he sleep at ours and he is no longer allowed to sleep over at his grandparents or aunties house.
    6. She doesn’t get to see him enough now that he is in prep.

    She wants to sit down and have a ‘meeting’ with me before she makes a decision!!! I told my partner there is no way I will ever set foot in her house again and no way I will sit down with her and be bullied. I have extensive experinece in child care and also child care for disabled children, I know how to look after children.

    Everytime we ask to see Mitchell there is always a new excuse, a birthday party, playtime at the grandparents, made plans etc. Surely she can make plans on the days that my man doesnt see Mitchell? and if there is a birthday party or a sporting match my man can take him to it.

    We also kept asking where she was going to enroll him in school, and she always ignored us, then we heard that he was enrolled to a private school. My partner doesnt mind as it is a good school but he should be kept in the loop with important decisions.

    My partner's friends have all told me that the doubt Mitchell is even his as she cheated on him thoughout the marriage. If he were to find out that this child is not his it would absolutely break him.

    She has even taught Mitchell to call my Partner by his name so that her new son with her new hsuband wont be confused!

    it's just a really sad situation as my partner is a really sweet, kind hearted, gentle soul and is being walked all over. My partner has gone over and above financially for her and when she asked for more money he always sent more.
    Now that she has re-married she is pushing my man out of the child's life.
    it is really, really sad and upsetting for us. and even more upsetting to me that he has gone out of his way financially for her and now we are struggling financially. The amount of child support he also is required to pay kills us. Surely now that she is remarried now and hasn't worked in 5 years that the payment would go down. I'd love to not work when we have the baby but I'll have to go back to work straight away to recover that money each week.

    We are expecting our own child now and it is pretty sad that his son won't be a part of our life. When we get married we don't even know if Mitchell can be a part of the wedding as won't know anyone apart from my partner's parents.

    Sorry for that rant, I just don’t know what to do! My man is scared if he takes her to court she will run away with the child and he will never see him again. I personally don't believe that will ever happen.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I would suggest he go to mediation and get a parenting agreement done up.

    If the child was younger I would understand, but if he is at school then i believe sleep overs/outings should not be ruled out.

    There are 2 sides to every story, and by the 2 parents attending mediation, they can help work through them.

    Has he always been there and wanting visits...or is it new and something that is coming from you?

    He does need to man up though and sit down with her and explain that unless she starts being more reasonable and respecting the father/child relationship and the child's right to know his dad, he will take it further.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Thanks riversong for your reply.
    Yes I agree he needs to man up for sure and tell her how it is. Rather than letting her always dictating things and him always just agreeing to avoid conflict.

    Yes, he has always tried to maintain an active role in the child's relationship. But it's hard when he asks to visit or take Mitchell out for the day and she won't return his calls or texts.

    It's just become so much worse now that she has remarried, he is struggling to get her to agree to some time with his son.

    This is how nice my partner is, he even buys presents for the her new child's birthday and Xmas as he doesn't want him to feel left out when Mitchell gets a present.

    I will try and get him to see a mediator, is this through a family court? Or can it be done outside of court.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    In my experience the 'other parent' often does nothing out of fear of having to go to court. This fear means that they have no access to their child and often it takes something as little as mediation or a well-worded letter from a family lawyer for the custodial parent to back down. If your partner doesn't do something then nothing will change. The birth mother needs to grant the father access to the child unless FOB has significant drug/alcohol or unmanaged mental health issues. The tactics she is using right now is allowing her to control the situation. The longer he goes without seeing the child the worse it will get. Get in touch with Relationships Australia or a family lawyer or make an appointment with legal aid. If it's in the best interests of the child to see his dad then do something.


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