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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zombie_eyes View Post
    for me, no it's not unrealistic to expect my partner to be faithful.

    i love him with everything i have. but i also love me just as much, enough to easily be alone for the end of my days if the other option meant to stay with a cheater.

    grown adults should have 100% control over their actions, that might mean not allowing yourself to get so drunk you end up cheating, or ending the relationship before beginning a new one; emotional and or physical. i dont buy the 'i slipped up excuse' tbh there is not a good enough excuse for cheating.

    people fall out of love, sure.. but that's no excuse to hurt and betray the person you once did love, especially when you haven't ended things with them.

    husbandface knows that choosing to cheat would be the death of our relationship, if he willingly decided on that, i guess i'd be better off without him anyway.

    *end rant*
    This 100%. I agree.

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    http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/c...nfidelity.html. This one cites 30-60%.
    It's very hard to read. Very hard to accept. Very hard to try to understand.
    I always thought it would be the ultimate deal breaker but when it actually happened, turns out it wasn't. And these kinds of statistics played a role in my decision to try to work things out.

  3. #53
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    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    Quote Originally Posted by made2bAmummy View Post
    http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/c...nfidelity.html. This one cites 30-60%.
    It's very hard to read. Very hard to accept. Very hard to try to understand.
    I always thought it would be the ultimate deal breaker but when it actually happened, turns out it wasn't. And these kinds of statistics played a role in my decision to try to work things out.
    it must be incredibly hard. and im so so sorry you went through that. honestly i think that staying is actually the hardest choice of the two. so hats off to you.

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  5. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by jcmummy View Post
    Unfortunately I think it's easy to say what you think you would do if your partner cheated but until you are actually in the situation you can't really know for sure. I've always said cheating was a deal breaker and 4 months ago (when I was 8 months pregnant) I found out my DH had slept with another woman. I kicked him out but he is back home now and we are slowly working through our (major) issues. I can't say if it will all be ok but I feel I owe it to myself and my kids to try. It's not as black and white to say that's it - for me anyway.
    Hang in there jcmummy and if you need to vent please feel free to pm me. It takes a strong woman to stand up and fight for her marriage. Kudos to you.

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  7. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by made2bAmummy View Post
    http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/c...nfidelity.html. This one cites 30-60%.
    It's very hard to read. Very hard to accept. Very hard to try to understand.
    I always thought it would be the ultimate deal breaker but when it actually happened, turns out it wasn't. And these kinds of statistics played a role in my decision to try to work things out.
    I'm not saying I would leave. I don't know what I'd do - I've been with this man for half of my life but to me, working things out would been him crawling over cut glass, being completely transparent, honest and remorseful for as long as it takes for me to be able to trust him again.

    I don't believe that I could stay knowing that he would continue to cheat - for a huge number or reasons but mostly for self-preservation.

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  9. #56
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    lexim is offline Winner 2013 - Newbie of the Year
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    Quote Originally Posted by made2bAmummy View Post
    http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/c...nfidelity.html. This one cites 30-60%.
    It's very hard to read. Very hard to accept. Very hard to try to understand.
    I always thought it would be the ultimate deal breaker but when it actually happened, turns out it wasn't. And these kinds of statistics played a role in my decision to try to work things out.
    Yep so 30-60% of individuals. So women and men.

    I hope you both have worked it out and your DH remains faithful to you. But if he doesn't you should know you do deserve better and there are men out there who don't cheat, as there are women who don't cheat either.

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    Quote Originally Posted by made2bAmummy View Post
    http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/c...nfidelity.html. This one cites 30-60%.
    It's very hard to read. Very hard to accept. Very hard to try to understand.
    I always thought it would be the ultimate deal breaker but when it actually happened, turns out it wasn't. And these kinds of statistics played a role in my decision to try to work things out.
    If you want to work it out don't feel bad about it. You need to be able to forgive you can't live your life with resentment in your heart.
    Work it out because you want to, because you love him and because you want to fight for the relationship. Don't work on it out of fear or allow statistics to fuel your decision. Only you now how you feel what someone else would do is irrelevant.

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    Been with a cheater as a young woman and promised myself I would have the strength to never put it with it again.

    Of course it's not an unrealistic expectation to expect your partner to be faithful if it's not an open relationship. I've been with my husband almost 20 years, he is the love of my life. If he cheated, I would boot him out, no ifs or buts. No way I would settle for a man that wasn't grown up enough to keep his willy in his pants.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauzy View Post
    I know a couple who openly discuss that their relationship doesn't work if they don't have regular se.x. I've seen them argue because he didn't want it and she did. She talks about how she wants to ravish him all the time. It's actually uncomfortable at times how she goes on about it.

    She doesn't know he sees prostitutes whenever he gets the chance.
    Interesting that he is the one refusing to participate with his wife but then seeking prostitutes. I feel for the wife.

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    Quote Originally Posted by made2bAmummy View Post
    http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/c...nfidelity.html. This one cites 30-60%.
    It's very hard to read. Very hard to accept. Very hard to try to understand.
    I always thought it would be the ultimate deal breaker but when it actually happened, turns out it wasn't. And these kinds of statistics played a role in my decision to try to work things out.
    This is a US estimation. And the study it's based on was conducted 17 years ago, on a sample of 107 couples, and looked at the first year of marriage only.
    Studies in this area have, IMO, lots of confounding factors. You have to rely on people to be 100% honest for a start
    All I'm saying is don't put huge stock in studies like this- work things out based on your individual circumstances.

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