Thanks ladies. More fool me for staying. I just hope I can work up the strength to leave sooner rather then later. Like I said it's not like he treats me horrible, it's the complete opposite and he is an amazing father.
I also worry it's that I won't find anyone else or be happy again. I often wonder if it's me. I can be such a moody b!tch who would want to put up with me. But anywho.... Sorry for derailing.
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07-04-2014 06:45 #91
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07-04-2014 07:08 #92
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07-04-2014 07:09 #93
Sure DF could cheat on me but I know him and I highly doubt that would ever happen. If I walked around thinking about all the what ifs I would go insane.
If he did cheat on me I don't know if it would be the end. If you devastate me and I would lose trust and confidence in him and our relationship. But depending on the situation I may consider staying if we worked on the relationship.
I don't think most mean cheat. Yes there are jerks out there who do but I don't believe most men are like that.
07-04-2014 07:11 #94
07-04-2014 07:16 #95
We are very pleasant to each other in front of the children. We function well by appearances and my DH is a very attentive father and a good example of being domestically helpful too. Not that washing etc are "my" jobs, but he does his fair share willingly and I think that's a great example to our children.
Maybe they will never find out that he cheated- certainly not from me until they are at least 25, if ever. I don't know.
No, I would hate to see my children go through this. Absolutely hate it.
07-04-2014 07:18 #96
07-04-2014 07:37 #97
I would believe the statistic for men being unfaithful is pretty high. DH is very open with me and is often telling me about this mate or that who is cheating, including brothels, picking up at night clubs and mistresses. Before I met him he used to play for a country VFL team and said that they'd go for their end-of-season trip to the city and "what happened on the trip stayed on the trip", most of the men were married and most would shag anything with a pulse for the whole trip away. He said it really jaded him about relationships (that and his partner at the time was a serial cheater).
I also know how many married/partnered men I have had hit on me over the years. In my young, single days I had a one night stand with a man who was engaged at the time and another who I suspect had a long-term girlfriend (based on photos on the wall at his house) but I didn't care to ask (or ever see him again).
DH and I both highly value fidelity and I hope that he will always be faithful to me and plan to with him. He has just started working away and I could not bear it if I didn't feel a high level of trust.
So is it common for men to cheat? Yes.
Is it acceptable to cheat/unrealistic to ask for fidelity? No.
I believe we need to raise the bar of acceptance. We should not stand for it. We should not take them back. We should not make excuses for them. I believe the reason many men cheat is because they can, simple as that.
ETA: I don't mean this last part as an attack on your decision. It's more a 'society/women in general' early morning, not enough coffee sort of rant.
Last edited by Stretched; 07-04-2014 at 08:18.
07-04-2014 07:41 #98
I hold DH to the same standard he holds me to - to not cheat and not surprisingly he is completely faithful. It's only 'normal' if you allow it to be normal.
eta - I'm not criticising your decision to stay, I certainly wouldn't but that's your choice. I'm simply challenging your opinions that men cannot be faithful and it's stupid to expect they can be. I think telling yourself this stuff justifies staying with him, rather than it being universally true.
Last edited by delirium; 07-04-2014 at 07:51.
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07-04-2014 08:05 #99
07-04-2014 08:11 #100
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