My ex bf was like this and we weren't even living together. I'm on a carers pension for my son who is autistic and he thought I should get of my lazy **** and go get a job when my son goes to school during the day. But what he dint get was there's 12 weeks of holidays, plus weekends, pupil free days and public holidays that I couldn't work, as well as if he's sick or could be sent home because of his behaviour or has appointments in school hours.
He worked 24/7 running his own business and never had any time for me, and when he did it was only for a few hours at a time. He wanted me to keep the house spotless, expected me to be a good gf who didn't argue, do what I was told or I would be punished as he saw fit, which usually meant stuff that was degrading towards me. He never liked me calling him out on how I was being treated and that it wasn't the Victorian era and women had rights. I mean if you come over at 12pm or later u thing I'm going to want s@x with you have another thing coming, n he got offended that I didn't find him attractive anymore.
In the end it didn't feel like a relationship to me as I was always being put last, he never kept promises he made to me and my ds, something would always come up with work that was more important. He wanted to have kids with me, n when I said what would the point be as we would never come first, as work always would. 2 weeks ago I badly sprained my ankle at dance class and had to be taken to hospital by ambulance with ds in tow, I was discharged and on crutches, and he ignored all my calls and texts asking to be picked up as he deemed it was not an emergency. Then he demanded I get him a contract phone on my telstra account as his one had broken and he he needed a new one and when I said no I was called selfish.
He sent me a 2 messages the night I dumped him that summed him up perfectly the first was "Well I hope you find someone that wants someone that doesn't believe work is important and someone that likes dirty houses and someone that doesn't believe she should work and just thinks about herself" the second was "you shouldn't ***** about people who go to work, when you, sit on your butt and do nothing."
My house is never dirty, just a chaotic mess. And I don't ***** about people who go to work, I just have a problem with guys that work so much that they sacrifice their relationship with their gf/partner/wife. I mean spending time with ur partner/gf is just as important as working, but there needs to be a balance so that your partner doesn't feel neglected and less important, as they should feel just as important to their partner and not play second best to a workaholic.
I love spending quality time with my partner whether it be watching a dvd at home or going for a drive and doing something.He worked so much that I rarely sawe never did anything when he was here, we didn't watch movies or anything on the couch, had a meal as a family, or just us alone when my ds was in bed or even go out together in public or with d.s.
The funny thing is his pervious gf before me ended up cheating on him because he worked too much and ended up not having any time for her.
He doubt he will ever find a girl that will accept being treated like a second class citizen who feels less important than his work that he has to do 24/7 and feels like she can never compete with is job and rarely spend time with her etc.
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03-04-2014 19:22 #131
03-04-2014 20:32 #132Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2013
Please plan before you leave.
I think you already know what type of man your husband is. You're going to endup with a fist in your mouth one day otherwise.
I am disappointed with some hubbers excusing that email and his behaviour. When are people going to stop excusing domestic violence?
As someone who left aviolent relationship, I do advise you to plan carefully. I did not find the dv services helpful at all. If you have any questions, feel free to.ask.
It soubds like what you are seeking is for people to tell you that you're not crazy, this is not normal, and there is someone in your corner.
Well, here it is: You're not crazy,
This is not normal.
I'm in your corner.
But the decision is ultimately yours .
03-04-2014 21:02 #133
OP, there are avenues to seek help if you choose to leave. Do you have family or friends nearby that you could take the girls and stay for a while? That will give you time to sort out finances and you will have support there for when your husband returns home. Wishing you all the best
Last edited by atomicmama; 03-04-2014 at 21:10.
03-04-2014 21:12 #134
Oh hun!!!! He clearly doesnt know what having a 1 year old is like. Lazy isnt possible He has a job that means he is away for long periods of time leaving you to solo parent. That is a job that is 24hrs a day.
Regardless of that however... If you want to be at home and the one to raise your babies then you should be able to do that. Money can be an issue that means you have to return however if you believe you can financially do it then be a SAHM. I also wouldnt be happy to hand them to MIL given what you have said.
His email was extremely inappropriate. To make those type of demands is not on.
Sent from my GT-I9507 using The Bub Hub mobile app
03-04-2014 21:23 #135
03-04-2014 21:38 #136
Yes my husband says things like 'don't you want to give your kids something you never had?... Like a mum who works!!!' I do work out of the house one day a week so it really annoys me when he says this. My my mum stayed home to look after 4 kids plus she is mentally ill so cannot work even if she wanted too.
He also told me that while I was in labour with our daughter he went down to the hospital cafe with his mum and had a D&M where she started crying because she 'couldn't understand why I don't want to help him' (meaning financially of course) She worked 5 days a week from when he was 6 weeks old so they are used to women working and having children looked after at childcare. Broke my heart that this kind of talk could go on while I was on labour.
Ok sorry for my rant but it feels good to get that out 😄
04-04-2014 11:07 #137-
- Join Date
- Nov 2013
If my dp called me lazy for not going back to work, especially when I have kids and housework etc to do I'd be telling him get lost. And no he hasn't pressured me. I was working part time/casual up until a few months ago anyway. I do house cleaning and still have a few clients who I clean for sometimes.
05-04-2014 05:21 #138
I think leaving is the best thing.
05-04-2014 06:38 #139
My DP has never spoken to me like that and never would! If he did itd be the last thing he ever said to me because that is so disrespectful on so many levels, not only to women in general but to the mother of his kids. Do what your heart says to do, but every woman deserves respect for their decisions. Good luck, be strong.
mother to a beautiful baby boy
05-04-2014 08:21 #140
Are your parents living here as well? If so, I would stay with them.
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