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  1. #1
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    Default What's a safe handover location?

    Help, I need advice. Anybody is welcome to comment on this thread, not just single parents.

    My ex's mental health seems to be deteriorating rapidly. It's funny, every time he does this, he starts accusing me of child abuse and neglect. I believe that this might be projection. But for two years, he did indeed have me wondering about myself.

    He wants to do handover, but I don't feel safe. Last Wednesday, when I went to pick up DS, he had the screen door locked and wouldn't open it for a few minutes, and DS (15 months) got very upset and was crying. Then when he was handing DS over to me, he said 'sorry' to DS, ('sorry you have to live with her', that sort of voice).

    When we were walking to the car, DS slapped me, I said we don't slap people, it hurts, and he stopped after that. Which makes me wonder what his dad is saying when not in earshot by me.

    He says that I'm legally obliged to do handover because of court orders, but I don't feel safe. So I'm wondering what a safe place could be. The shops haven't worked in the past, as no one stops if he is verbally abusive anyway, they try to walk around us instead.

    Any suggestions please?

    I have thought police station, but I worry I won't be taken seriously. He is high up in the corporate world, and isn't some povo druggo, he is well dressed, good looking, and he has better social skills than I do.
    Last edited by ZAK; 29-03-2014 at 09:51.

  2. #2
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    Child health centers, court offices, police stations, medical centers and RA.

    Also if you are religious- churches/parish offices.

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

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    It's Saturday almost everything is closed.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ZAK View Post
    It's Saturday almost everything is closed.
    Emergency departments of hospitals, some medical centers are open. Police stations definitely are open.

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Rose&Aurelia&Hannah For This Useful Post:

    mum2twinboys  (29-03-2014)

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    I guess it will have to be police station. A bit far but okay. Do we have to pre arrange it then i.e. a phone call to let them know?

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    Our area has a contact centre it may be worth checking if your area has one. I recommend a phone call to family services( eg. Centre care, salvos, Bethany) in your area to get their advice A quick google should point you to who has the funding for it! Goodluck!

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    jo101  (07-04-2014),ZAK  (29-03-2014)

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    Less in your face: Maccas. I have heard of handovers there because they are A. Public, and B. Have security cameras for evidence if you need it.

    If it doesn't have cameras its probably not a great help.

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    As PP said police station. I'd ring ahead and explain the situation. If u are generally scared they should be willing to let it happen. Explain you've tried other places and no one seems willing to step in if things escalate. You should feel safe. Your LO should feel safe.
    Any understanding cop would be willing to witness you and your ex doing the handover. It would only take a few minutes.

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    Are there any children's charities or organisations like Berry St close by you could call.
    There will be a number of options because many people need neutral access points.
    But, if you are afraid, and you believe his mental health is deteriorating and that either you or your child might be at risk, you MUST tell someone - your solicitor, police, social worker.

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    Oh please, please, please contact someone if you are feeling unsafe. I would definitely be calling the police, and maybe even speaking to a social worker at Centrelink so there is some record of you seeking help. Also, if you can do it in a subtle way, changing to all written communication so you can save any correspondence and even leaving your phone to go to voicemail so you can keep messages might be a good idea.

    I don't have much knowledge of safe hand over spots. I feel worried that if he is volatile then suggesting a police station may be an aggravating factor, but you would know this better than me. Is there a doctor's surgery open on Saturdays that you could try?

    Also, I just feel I need to say this, at 15 months your DS hitting you could very well be developmental, but it could also be him mimicking behaviour that he has seen/experienced. Do you have a formal order or did you attend mediation together? If you did, could you voice your concerns and see if there is a way to have supervised visitation or change the order so that he visits your son but in your house or something? I'm sorry, I really don't know much about this as we have a much more informal agreement, but I would be terrified to my leave my son with someone that I feared...


 

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