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    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    Default Almost 5 yr old fixated on death

    Ds#2 (has autism) for a long time has said he wants to be older "i want to be 30!" One day about 4 weeks ago he said "i want to be 100" ds#1 (also has autism) said "dont say that, when you're 100 you'll be dead"

    *thanks ds#1*

    So now he constantly talks about it and cries about it a lot. Today at preschool they started a unit of work on 'the body' well as soon as he saw the skeleton he fell apart sobbing that he doesnt want to die...


    We dont see the child psych until next week, im wondering if anyone else's little person has experienced this and what do you say? How do you handle it?

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    Funnily enough had this conversation with DD (ASD) psych last week. She fixates on others dying and missing those that have passed. (she also fixates on religion and talks to God - but thats another story).

    The physch said to acknowledge her feelings and provide some gentle comfort and try to divert the conversation. We are catholic so talk about being in Heaven with God and those people already there that we love. That its sad but not a terrible thing.

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    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    Thank you for the reply.

    Its a tough one isnt it? My lil guy is breaking is heart about it.

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    Poor little man

    Whenever death comes up from my two I tell them a little white lie. I'm not sure if it's a good thing but it's the only thing that comforts them enough to stop thinking about it- or long enough for me to distract them with something else.

    I just say that they won't die until they are very very old. Even older than their nan and pa (who to them are like 300). They seem ok knowing that it's a long time away. It works for us as we've not had any experience with death *touch wood*.

    It's tricky to know the right things to say hey.

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    Aww poor kidlet. My DS is nearly 5 and in the past year had lost his great grandmother and our family dog. So last year he learnt what death was, but I don't think he understands that its permanent. He still asks where our dog is, and we remind him that hes in heaven. But once we say that then he tells us that nan is going to die soon and so is our other dogs and us etc, but he will die last because he's the youngest. He doesn't seem too bothered by it, just curious I guess. We just remind him that it's ok when people die as it's a part of life, but doesn't happen until your really really old. But when it does you go to heaven and see your family & friends who you haven't seen in a long time and get to do whatever you want. So he has nothing to worry about and is looking forward to seeing my old dog again, it's kind of bitter sweet. I just try to lighten it and put a positive spin on talking about it openly, and reassure him he has nothing to worry about. I hope your little one doesn't get so upset over it soon, poor thing

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    Thank you everyone.

    So far ive tried saying that it wont happen until he is very very very old but that upsets him because he has no concept of age or how long that takes (he goes through stages asking me if its his birthday every single day and when i say its months away he thinks that means days or hours)

    So.. Then ive been telling him he wont die. Flat out. I know its a horrible lie but he doesn't seem to comprehend any explanation.

    He just starts sobbing "when i die i will miss you mummy" etc

    And now they are doing stuff about the body at school now he is begging not to go etc.

    Oh dear. He feels everything so deeply. So anxious, so fearful of the world. It breaks my heart.

    Im not comfortable telling him about heaven just yet, id prefer he learn about that set of beliefs when he has the capability to process it and come to his own conclusion. But i can see how it would provide comfort to little people when learning about death.

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    Does he respond to books at all? We have a few kids books on death/dying that have been useful as both my two big ones have gone through this phase. H was particularly freaked out by it and consumed by it but it did pass (plus I lied and told him about heaven and I'm an atheist - fail? Yes!)

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    Thanks kitty, do you have the names of
    Those books handy??


 

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