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  1. #1
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    Smile To change surname or not?

    My partner and I have been together for 6 years. We have two beautiful kids together and have an awesome relationship. Ever since our first child was born I've wanted to get married. The reasons being that we're in love, I want to feel like a complete family and I want us to all have the same surname (there are more reasons but they're the main ones). DP however, doesn't want to get married. He sees it as a religious practice (neither of us are even slightly religious) and his parents have been going through a pretty messy divorce for a few years. He has told me that he's happy for me to change my surname to his.
    I'm considering doing it because I hate my current surname and we'll be buying a house soon so it would be easier to do it now rather than years down the track when I have more things to change my name on. But then I worry that it would confuse people when they find out we all have the same surname but we aren't married. I don't want to have to say "no, we aren't siblings, I just changed my name" haha.

    So, what would you do?

  2. #2
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    I personally wouldn't but that's because I would feel kind of 'ripped off' that I only got half of what I wanted- the surname without the marriage. If it's important to you then do it. People don't need to know you're not married and you don't need to explain anything to anyone.

  3. #3
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    If you want to all have the same name and he's not into marriage, it seems like the perfect solution for you all as a family. Don't worry about other people. I've been asked if my husband is my son. Some people are stupid.

    Happy new surname

  4. #4
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    I think it's sad he won't compromise.

    My best friend is anti religion, but still got married, for him it was a chance to make a commitment to his now wife in front of their friends and family, but to also celebrate them as a couple.

    They had a civil union, as he didn't want any part in a legal process that excludes people based on sexuality.

    There was no church, no mention of God, it was all about their commitment to each other.

    You can absolutely just change your surname, but that seems like you're giving up something important to you.

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  6. #5
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    Why not have a name change party? I mean you will be buying a house together and have kids, I think under new defacto laws you're seen as "married" anyway aren't you?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Katie030711 View Post
    But then I worry that it would confuse people when they find out we all have the same surname but we aren't married. I don't want to have to say "no, we aren't siblings, I just changed my name" haha.
    I wouldn't worry about this. Your relationship is equivalent to being married, people will assume you are so it's unlikely to be questioned. But if it does, just explain the situation to people who matter, let those who don't matter be confused! You also don't have to correct everyone who assumes you are married, for example if someone refers to him as your husband.

    If you're happy with changing your name without the actual marriage then I don't see any reason why not to, do what's right for your family and don't worry about it being slightly less conventional!

  9. #7
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    A civil ceremony can have no religious components. Is it important to you to have a ceremony affirming your commitment?
    If it is, can you try and compromise with a small, low key ceremony? If it's not, go ahead and change your name!

  10. #8
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    I would, if it's important to you to have the same name. I don't think I'll change my name even when I do get married but if people assume we are not married that's their problem.
    I doubt people would think you are siblings. You are clearly in a relationship so if they assume you're married, who cares? No need to explain to anyone else.

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    I just associated myself with his name, but never actually changed it. Never had an issue. No one ever questioned our relationship, and being married or defacto didnt seem to matter to anyone, its all the same same, married or not.

  12. #10
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    Well I'm married and didn't change my name, so no, I wouldn't change it.


 

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