I'm feeling really down and need to vent. Thinking about this gives me extreme anxiety and keeps me up at night.
So, DP's mother is extremely nasty to me. She is an overbearing, *****y, negative, horrible person who is "always right". She is the kind of person who expects the gf of her son to be her best friend and hang out all the time.
I am the type of person who keeps to themselves, is very quiet and shy. I find it hard to speak up for myself. I am not interested in being chummy with someone who is so negative and nasty all the time.
Last September, we took MIL out for dinner. I do not invite her to the house because she never leaves. She immediately complains about the place even though she didn't have to pay for anything (so off to a bad start already).
Throughout dinner, she says nasty things about people, and is generally negative. I don't say much. I don't know what to say when she is being so nasty.
We leave and stand in front of the restaurant to chat for a bit. She made a comment about how good DP's hair looks and that I should grow my hair out because she doesn't want her son to have "an ugly girlfriend".
That's when I knew I had to speak up. I told her "Do not speak to me that way, I give you respect, I deserve it in return". She just laughs in my face and yells out to DP (he's at the car) that "I don't get their humour"???
I told her "don't laugh, I am being serious", but she wouldn't listen so I just gave up and walked to the car to leave. That's when all hell broke loose.
She runs up to me screaming (in front of everyone) "YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME, YOU'RE UGLY, YOU'RE UGLY, YOU'RE UGLY...GET OUT OF MY SON'S HOUSE...I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!" etc.
At this point she is right up in my face. I calmly tell her to back off and get into the car. She stood at my window and continued to scream at me (all while restaurant patrons are watching the commotion). She even tried to open my door at one point!!
She has not apologised to me and twists the story to make it like she is innocent. Ugh.
So now that I'm 11 weeks pregnant, I am dreading what is to come. DP's sister suggested that maybe the baby will bring MIL and I "closer together". I didn't say anything to that but thought, "I AM NOT INTERESTED IN BEING FRIENDS WITH A PSYCHOPATH".
DP even said he recently joked about me being pregnant (probably wanted to test the waters) and it caused another big fight between her and DP in public
I obviously do not want her anywhere near my child. DP still talks to her but doesn't go and visit. He hates being in the middle of things.
I don't know how to tell DP that I don't want his mother near my child. I'm sure it will cause a huge argument.
Please help. What should I do???
Thanks in advance
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13-03-2014 14:05 #1
13-03-2014 14:22 #2
I wouldn't want her near my child either ! She sounds unstable ! As for your dp, I think you should just be honest with him.
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13-03-2014 14:33 #3
Thanks cluckcluck. I know I'm going to have to bite the bullet and discuss it with him.
Just thinking about it all is keeping me up all night.
13-03-2014 14:49 #4
hi happy peanut, she is one strange woman, not to say dangerous woman. Your partner was a witness to the performance at the restaurant in sept? and he thinks that his mum is OK? You have to be careful with her if she can go off the rails like that over nothing. I would tell your partner you wont be dealing with her at all, and if he wants any relationship with his mother, it will be on his own, and your child wont be included in the relationship either. Good Luck. marie.
13-03-2014 15:03 #5
Last edited by Liddybugs; 27-04-2014 at 19:23.
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13-03-2014 16:39 #6
Thank you Marie and Rachel. I am going to send DP an email so I can get everything out.
I have never had to deal with someone this unstable before. It was a scary experience.
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26-03-2014 22:24 #7
It sounds like you will need to step it up and hold your ground for both you and your child. If your DP feels that on some level her behaviour is in the range of normal then I am not sure he is thinking clearly. I hope you have sent the email to DP and he has had time to think about it. She could be nice as pie once baby comes along but you have already seen the crazy behaviour and that behaviour just doesn't go away or fix itself. I would be setting very firm boundaries about what is acceptable for your child to be exposed to from day dot and I would suggest you hold firm.
27-03-2014 06:59 #8
What did your DP do while she was harassing you in public like that?
He needs to step up and support you. You are his partner, he should have defended you.
I hope you've sent your email and everything is ok. I totally understand you not wanting you or your child around someone that toxic.
27-03-2014 07:37 #9
I hope you're spoken to your dp about it.
My mil is kind of similar and I waited too long to talk to dh about it after dd was born bht I did it in the end.
I had to do what was best for dd and be her voice as she couldnt do it herself.
Thats what you nees to do too, be your childs voice and let your df deal with his mum
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27-03-2014 07:45 #10
I sent the email and he said he'll always support me and that he hopes it shows (no, it doesn't show because he never says anything!) I just hope he doesn't turn around and say "my family deserves to be part of the baby's life too" blah blah blah. He has done similar things in the past.
I think that he thinks his mother's behaviour is normal to him. When she was harrassing me he just kinda stood back and was frozen. He didn't do or say anything. Ugh.
After the incident he said "don't worry, she has said some awful things to me the past". When I queried him about it, he couldn't even bring it up, he said it was too painful. I feel a bit sorry for him. He and his siblings put up with her nastiness somehow??
Even if she changes her tune when the baby is born, it will be too little too late. She is too unpredictable.
Thinking about the incident keeps me up at night and I have not been sleeping well. I am going to see a psychologist soon. I'm hoping to bring my partner along to a session or two so that we can discuss how this is all making me feel. He needs to see from an outsider's perspective that it's not normal. I know his mother has a key to this house and sometimes I worry that she will come and hurt me
Vent vent vent. Thanks so much for listening/reading. I will keep you updated! xo
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