My husband has recently been hospitalised for a significant illness and I've just found out I carry a chromosomal abnormality that I've passed onto my child which has led to developmental delays and other potential health problems down the line. Added to that is not being able to conceive a much wanted second baby for fear of passing this chromosomal issue on.
I feel like my 'friends' have left me to fend for myself. I know everyone has their own stuff to deal with but Someone who I consider my closest friend for instance hasn't phoned me since finding out hubs was in hospital or what's happening with my child. I too have a tendency to start to shut down when things are happening around me and am feeling alone and very sad. Whilst I am continuing on being as good a mother as I can and visiting my husband in hospital and working as much as I can so we have an income, I feel like I am on auto-pilot and break down regularly.
I've never dealt with anything like this before and not having any friends to lean on am not quite sure what to do. Does anyone have any suggestions?
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12-03-2014 20:54 #1
12-03-2014 21:01 #2
Couldn't read and run. I don't have any advice but wanted to send you virtual hugs.
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12-03-2014 21:41 #3
Hi op. how very hard for you. I'm sorry you are going through this.
I know it's hard, would it be so bad to send a txt or a quick email to your friend and say you'd like a coffee or a wine or whatever with her? Maybe she thinks you are super busy and doesn't want to encroach or impose? The worst she can say is "not today I'm busy".
It's ok to need help. It's ok to ask for a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on.
We are here for you in bubhub land so vent away if it helps.
Hugs to you.
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12-03-2014 21:46 #4
Wow what a load to bear. I have been in a position myself where I've felt let down by my friends in times of crisis (though nothing comparable to your situation) and abandoned. I also tend to withdraw more into myself the worse things get for me. The best advice I can give is that your friends aren't mind readers - it's ok to send a message saying 'things are bad atm, I need you guys' and see what happens. I swallowed my pride and tried it once and it worked, only for a little while, but it did work and they were glad I was brave and spoke up. Sometimes we can come across as much more capable and ok than we really are which is the flip side to just soldiering on.
Otherwise, the hub is a great place to vent as well. I hope things pick up for you soon.
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12-03-2014 21:51 #5
I have no advice, but I know the feeling of being let down by friends who you believe should be there to support you when needed.
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12-03-2014 21:54 #6
I have been in a very similar situation. My DH was in hospital and we had just received a pretty bleak diagnosis at our 20 week scan. Fast forward to the birth and an additional diagnosis of a genetic abnormality that DH and I have passed on to our daughter.
Firstly. . none of this is your fault. You didn't deliberately pass on any abnormality. .. and I'm sure you love and cherish your child and give them all you can. I know all too well how it feels but you must tell yourself is not your fault. This best anyone can do for their kids is love them! Which I'm sure you do.
The friends situation is really hard. I have found most people don't know what to do so they do nothing. Which is really sad.
I wish I could offer more. .. Big hugs. Just take one day at a time and maybe try reaching out for help to that trusted friend and see if they respond.
I once texted a friend during one of my dd's hospital stays and said I really need a visitor and a coffee. .. Some time out. . can you come? Was very out of character for me but she did and I really appreciated it. Maybe you could try the same thing?
Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
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12-03-2014 22:52 #7Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2013
Sorry that I cant offer much more than a hug and a bump. Dont be afraid to be vulnerable..sometimes complete strangers or just random ppl u meet in the community will.come through for you more than friends and family. Put yourself out there and I hope you receive some support. X and just remember like all things, these thoughts and feelings will pass. So just do what u need to do to get through them so that you can get to an easier mental space
Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
Last edited by CrystalS11; 12-03-2014 at 22:55.
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13-03-2014 10:59 #8
hi, and hugs, this must be so difficult, im sorry. Is there a community support person at the hospital. even a visiting chaplin sort of thing. Please ask, Im sure if it is a large hospital, there will be some support/ counselling available. And also we are here to listen and send virtual hugs. Marie.
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13-03-2014 11:36 #9
Hugs! Please reach out to your friends, it's ok to ask for help and an ear. They probably are unsure about how they can help, tell them how they can help. Telling people you're struggling can really open up lines of communication
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13-03-2014 12:10 #10
How overwhelming. I think you could really do with a friend to lean on in real life right now.
Agree with others - reach out to them and let them know you need support. It's a shame you have to be the one to make the move, but sometimes people just don't know what to do or say and they feel helpless, so they give you space.
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