You know when I started this thread I didn't even make the connection with bullying. But that's exactly what it is! So Thankyou everyone for clarifying that for me. Yes girls can be such cows. And now when I think back, I can think of a couple more comments where dd6 says she was told what to do by other kids. I need to help her learn to defend herself and stand up for herself. Problem there is I was never too good at that myself. I fudged through primary school and had a best friend who did all my defending for me lol.
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07-03-2014 11:57 #11
07-03-2014 12:01 #12
07-03-2014 12:06 #13
Yes they do restorative practice in our school as well. And yes I talk to dd6 about how to deal with it but I'd be interested to hear what kind of conversations you have with your dd?
07-03-2014 13:31 #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
Erghh, I hate the nonsense that goes on with little girls sometimes.
My DD (5.5) went through similar to what you are describing last year at Kinder. She seems to have a really sweet group of girls in Prep this year though.
There were 2 girls in her group last year who would say 'you're not my friend if... etc'. I just told DD to say 'ok' and go and play with someone else, or even by herself! Of course as soon as she did this they would run after her and say 'only joking', but it really did put a stop to the manipulation. After all, if it doesn't work, they won't continue.
I know this wouldn't work for everyone, but my girls are pretty good at speaking up when someone else is getting bullied which also heaps change the dynamics. It's a lot harder to speak up for yourself though.
We've had lots of chats where I've said something like: 'some kids don't understand how to play nicely, try not to let it worry you etc'.
I also tell them that they have to be friendLY to everyone, but they don't have to be friends with everyone IFYWIM. DD1 can be a bit of a people pleaser and I think this helped her realise that not everyone has to be best buddies in life.
Your poor sweet DD. She is such a lovely kid! She will be ok in the long run I am sure, but it is so hard when you feel like you are sending them off to a pack of wolves!!
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11-03-2014 14:15 #15
Thanks OLB that makes lots of sense. I have told her that some people make better friends than others but I like how you put it too. The problem is she won't walk away, she wants to play with her bestie and she wants to keep her place in the line up so she fights for that but not in a very effective way. Hopefully today she will follow the plan we came up with, to leave the classroom with another friend and not chase her bestie. This morning didn't start well tho, she was excluded in the line up again and went off looking very sad. She's just not very assertive.
I spoke to the teacher AND took the chance to talk to the principal on the grounds that I think it's too harsh on the grade 1s to go from being cosseted and nurtured in prep to being thrown in at the deep end in g1. The principal said he will talk to the teacher about the fact that Fiona feels she can't go to her for help. The teacher is going to talk to all the girls and find out what is going on and take it from there. I should hear something back in the next couple of days.
I invited her bestie over for a sleepover on the weekend so at least they got some time to play together. And I had a chat to her mother who said all the bestie talks about at home is dd6. So at least it's not the case that bestie has just found a new friend. She's being pushed around too.
I've also enrolled dd6 in karate. I really think she needs something to help her confidence. We always knew she was shy with adults (eg it's a big deal for her to pay for something by herself because she had to deal with the shop assistant) but it seems that she has an issue with her peers as well.
Oh dear! Hopefully we can navigate this ok. I guess it's just practice though for all the other similar issues that will come up over time. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
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