DH and I have just had a huge fight about going away with his family over Xmas! First of all, I have had major issues with my MIL when we got married, I can never forgive her for what she has done and It took DH and I over 12 months to speak to her after our wedding. About a year ago I had it out with her and since then things have been polite and ok but to be honest I hate being left alone with her because it's such an effort for me and I just try and talk about neutral topics. we see her maybe once a week to once a fortnight and I just keep the peace but trust me I only do it for DH's sake! Well I'm currently 6 months pregnant and we are expecting a little boy in June. Anyway DH is also very close with his grand parents and they rang us today and I could here him saying we would be interested in going away with them and his mother and partner, he said yes and I tapped his arm and then he said I just need to speak with the wife first.
He got of the phone and they want to go for 2 weeks over Xmas and New Years. I said I didn't want to for a couple of reasons.
-It's our first Xmas as a family and I want to do it on our terms not someone else's.
- I don't think I could handle his mother for 2 weeks, there won't be any of DH's siblings there which is normally how I get through the family gatherings.
-We haven't had bubs yet, I have no idea how I'm going to feel about travelling and what he is going to be like.
And the last one ( I feel bad thinking this and couldn't say this to DH yet) why should my MIL get to spend our baby's first Xmas with us over my mum and other family who have always been there for us. To be honest this is probably the biggest one for me, my MIL always wants to be the most important person or first to know things so she can rub it in other people face and I feel she we be gloating about the fact she is spending Xmas with our bub and no one else gets to.
I told DH that I could probably bear a week either before or after Xmas but not over Xmas but he is being unreasonable and just says am I going to hold a grudge forever.... I don't honestly know!
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03-03-2014 17:30 #1
Am I being unreasonable???
03-03-2014 17:44 #2
I would only go for a week most, knowing me probably a few days - 2 weeks is way too long to holiday with family, especially if things are strained.
I think perhaps spending some time with both your families as well as some time just with your husband and son is very reasonable.
03-03-2014 17:45 #3
No, I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I wouldn't be going anywhere for bubs first Christmas, let alone for 2 weeks. Stand your ground and stay home where you will be comfortable. Let the IL's go away on their own!
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03-03-2014 17:46 #4
You are not being unreasonable. A two week holiday is quite a while especially with a new baby. I would give DH the option of going without you though.
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03-03-2014 17:53 #5
Wow I love my inlaws and I would go mad spending two weeks on holidays with them!!!
I think your counter offer of one week is more than reasonable its not like your flat out refusing.
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03-03-2014 17:54 #6
Argh, why do they always say "sure, I'll just have to check with the wife"?! I hate that!! Always makes it our "fault"!!
I'm trying to teach my partner to say " I'll see what were doing and if it fits in" he's got such a habit of agreeing to anything they say! Last week, his mum sent a text, "can you be in (suburb) in the morning? I'll call you" and he said yes, I was like why do you need to go there? And he was like I dunno, he had no idea what she wanted from there, or what he had to do, just said yes! So weird!!
What does your husband say? Does he realise how uncomfortable it will be for you? Does he want to go? I can't imagine spending two weeks with anyone, let alone someone I don't like and with a baby as well, no way!!
03-03-2014 18:04 #7
My In laws are very similar in that I would go nuts on 2 weeks holiday with them.
And when we first had DD we both didn't commit to anything with either sets of parents too early. I would just say for the time being that you don't know how bub will be with travelling etc and think about it for a while.
In saying that 1 week seems pretty reasonable.
However, would you ask your DH to go on two weeks holiday with your family? If so then you have to be willing to give and take. I only say this because my DH came on a10 day cruise with my parents one Christmas... when he did that I had to understand that it would be reasonable to expect that I should go away with his one day. All within reason and practicality.
However with your history with MIL I can understand your reservations.
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03-03-2014 18:05 #8
I agree I hate the I have to check with the wife/boss line.
It puts the partner in such an awkward position.
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03-03-2014 18:11 #9
Thanks ladies you have made me feel much better! We use to go away on family trips prior to our falling out and had a great time but we also had DH's siblings too. DH was able to have it out with his mother and let everything go but for me, it just can't be back the way it use to be ( I actually feel that the way I handle the situation is much more than my MIL deserves).
03-03-2014 18:21 #10
DH wants to go, he says that his family love me and want me apart of their family and I'm the one that doesn't want to be apart of it. I feel really guilty about that because I love his grand parents but I feel everything is being forced on me and I want to have MY family with DH and bubs at Xmas. Of course I want extended family involved but not be the tag along in what they want... If that makes any sense.
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